Not ADHD (just crap at life)

[OrangeDino]

Hello nuerodiverse mumsnetters, I hope you can help me a bit.
This morning I had a preliminary assessment for ADHD, following an access assessment about 6 months ago. (Actual diagnosis is another couple of years wait).
At the access appointment i was told there was a strong likelihood I have both adhd and asd. However today the psychiatrist indicated that it is unlikely I have adhd and that I'm just bad at organisation and doing things I don't like. It's taken me 5 years to get this far and i just feel like he has confirmed what i always thought, that i am crap at coping with life.
So many descriptions of (female) add (i don't think I'm hyperactive) and symptom lists ring so true for me. I don't really want to have it at all, but at least it felt like an explanation.
I felt I didn't explain myself very well to the psychiatrist or get over the impact on my life of being so chaotic, disorganised and forgetful. I get by, but it feels like only just, and I'm exhausted by it.
I'm not sure why I'm posting really, I just wonder if anyone had had a similar experience? I'm not sure where to go from here? Or do I just accept that I'm useless?

Okay, was this an NHS Psychiatrist? Have you done any of the screening questionnaires by yourself?

You mustn't panic. Adhd/Add in women still isn't well understood and many NHS psychiatrists and HCPs are behind in terms of research and current thinking. Women are routinely shortchanged by the NHS and our problems are less likely to be given a diagnosis, but blamed on other things instead - age, hormones, pregnancy, mental health, menopause etc.

What are the plans going forward? Can you formulate a more coherent written response justifying why you believe an add diagnosis is appropriate for you?

Also, dyspraxia can present with similar signs and there is a crossover with autism also. Do some screening questionnaires for these as well.

Don't write yourself off as being inadequate because you're struggling. There is a reason for it and it's not your fault or a personal failing. We all have our strengths and weaknesses regardless of a diagnosis.

Thank you @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation for your kind words.
It was an NHS psychiatrist. His questioning was very much around the questionnaire and I got the impression that because people haven't commented on my (impulsive) behaviour it's not an issue.

I might consider your suggestion of writing a letter (if I ever get round it!!😩). I should have maybe written some notes and thought of examples beforehand. Put on the spot I couldn't think of anything.

I have done asd screening questionnaires and score quite highly. The person who did my first access appointment felt it was a possibility so I'm on a waiting list for assessment.
I am a bit worried I'm just trying to find excuses for myself. It does feel like a personal failing.
I had already thought of private diagnosis but it's so expensive, and I think now I wouldn't believe it if they diagnosed me.

I have ADHD.

First assessor I saw wasn't sure. She knew ADHD wasn't her strongest subject so asked a colleague to step in for a second opinion. He was an expert and noticed I was constantly moving (although I do this very discreetly), asked a few questions and within five-ten minutes he diagnosed me with ADHD.

This company didn't prescribe so when I decided I wanted meds I had to be assessed again. This assessor specialised in ADHD, we had a really easy conversation and my experiences echoed many other women he interviewed. He had no concerns re-diagnosing me.

I'd definitely take in some notes, results form questionnaires etc if you feel you might have a hard time explaining your experiences. I believed I might have struggled with my autism assessment so I sent them a set of really comprehensive notes that came to took 8 sides of A3 paper - within ten minutes of the appointment she advised me she'd definitely be recommending I was autistic 🤣

I'm diagnosed with adhd and my impulsive behaviour is quite subtle. Again, it's different in females. Males might take a risk in traffic or do something impulsive and risky on a night out, but females are more inclined to buy a top they can't really afford or suddenly decide to paint the lounge lime green. Sometimes you have to dig for these signs, particularly in adult women who've spent a lifetime concealing their difficulties. It takes a particular skill to spot these things and not all doctors have it.

Thanks @HMG107 for sharing your experience too. Your 8 sides of A3 made me smile! I need to do that!
I was asked about inappropriate behaviour, like getting up in meetings. I don't, but I do squirm, change position frequently, fidget and fiddle. I suppose he was thinking about impact.
@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation that's my type of impulsive behaviour. It's always tops I end up hating (and I don't even like shopping!) and I've just remembered the badly painted turquise downstairs loo!😂

I probably have adhd.
I got into a bit of trouble at primary but ok at secondary. Im very impatient and hate losing anything. I also dont like putting things away. Like pp says im impulsive but its not constant. I interrupt conversations but its because i worry i wont remember something.
I like switchimg between activities and will go back to it.
I think i hyperfocus. I wouldn't say i cant sit still however when i went hyperthyroid after dc and no sleep i just constantly wanted to sort stuff out. Now i often get bored part way through a book or program

I have inattentive type ADHD. I have some impulsive traits but not many (I left most of this section of the questionnaire blank as it didn't apply to me). That's why I was diagnosed with inattentive type (of which i have loads and loads of traits) rather than combined or hyperactive-impulsive, I simply don't have enough impulsive or hyperactive traits. You don't have to be impulsive to have ADHD. Hopefully whoever you see for the assessment is more clued up.

Btw I saw a psychiatrist after being diagnosed with ADHD for another issue. I mentioned the ADHD after talking to her for about 5 minutes and she tried to say she didn't think I had ADHD! Not sure how should would know after a 5 minute discussion about something else entirely. Some psychiatrists talk a lot of shit.

@TooManyPJs thank you. I have researched it quite a lot and have always thought if I have it then it would be inattentive type. But the psychiatrist didn't think even that was significant enough. Because I tried to describe that i can hyper focus he said that I'm not inattentive because it's only with things I don't like, which isn't necessarily true.
Unfortunately if they think I don't have it, I won't be put on the waiting list for a diagnostic assessment, so I may have to do as suggested above and write everything down and see if that gets me anywhere. It's not something I want to fight to get in a way.
@HSHorror, I am similar to you. I didn't get into trouble as a child though. I was terrified of getting into trouble! At secondary I only did for forgetting/not doing homework and being late!

Thanks everyone for your experiences. You've made me feel less alone and a little bit less stupid and ashamed.

But that's exactly how adhd screws us! Things we like that were interested in can hold our attention but we're completely unable to simulate that for things that don't. Ffs. I'm so sorry. Definitely write it all down

[quote OrangeDino]@TooManyPJs thank you. I have researched it quite a lot and have always thought if I have it then it would be inattentive type. But the psychiatrist didn't think even that was significant enough. Because I tried to describe that i can hyper focus he said that I'm not inattentive because it's only with things I don't like, which isn't necessarily true.
Unfortunately if they think I don't have it, I won't be put on the waiting list for a diagnostic assessment, so I may have to do as suggested above and write everything down and see if that gets me anywhere. It's not something I want to fight to get in a way.
@HSHorror, I am similar to you. I didn't get into trouble as a child though. I was terrified of getting into trouble! At secondary I only did for forgetting/not doing homework and being late!

Thanks everyone for your experiences. You've made me feel less alone and a little bit less stupid and ashamed.[/quote]
ADHD is an interest based, if it’s interesting our brains can engage (and sometimes hyper focus). If it’s not interesting we can’t focus. We also need novelty. So what can be interesting one day, Weill not the next. As soon as something stops being novel we can lose interest very quickly. We have a very low boredom threshold and when bored we cannot focus barely at all.

One big difference between me and my husband (who is NT) is that he can work even when he is bored. It may be slightly harder for him to focus but he can still do it. For me, it’s like my brain stops working altogether. It’s almost impossible for me to do anything. What usually kicks my brain going is, after not working for hours, the deadline is imminent - then I end up working really late to make up for the hours I sat there doing nothing.

So again, this psychiatrist doesn’t know what he’s talking about!!

Have you completed a DIVA questionnaire? If not, maybe complete one of those and hand it in. I found it helpful to look up examples of answers to the questions as it helped me understand what they were looking for/what the questions meant and also helped me think of/remember examples that applied to me.

You might be able to leverage the angle of scoring highly on autistic traits because the interplay there might make it harder to diagnose adhd.

I’m in the midst of getting my ds assessed and it jumps out at me that he can identify behaviours in his classmates but not so well in himself. He masks (not deliberately, instinctively) and has a strong self image that is part of his way of dealing with a scary world (eg I’m not the type of kid who gets into trouble). He can’t (and to an extent won’t) see certain behaviours in himself precisely because he has autism and I’m concerned that will affect how they score him for adhd.

I’m not saying this is necessarily the case for you but if adhd and autism/traits are comorbid, it may give you stronger grounds for questioning the outcome of either. You could ask for an explanation of how he has taken those complicated factors into account in coming to his conclusion.