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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Now #actuallyautistic. Makes so much sense, but also triggering

6 replies

knackeredcat · 04/04/2022 09:51

No surprise, I was always seeking a diagnosis and sought it sooner rather than later prompted by what I now know to have been an autistic shutdown which is still affecting me.

Like with my ADHD diagnosis I feel vindicated, but I'm also going through a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm feeling especially hurt when thinking of various red flag incidents where I was a child and teenager who was struggling badly, but even those who claimed to love me either told me I was being dramatic or shamed me. No understanding or compassion, just an expectation of presenting as their idea of "normal", burning out and failing royally.

I am struggling with all of this now. Work pay lip service to neurodiversity awareness, but my experiences as a late diagnosed woman are very different from those of colleagues who are younger, who were diagnosed young and who had support and advocacy in place.

Overarching feeling now is of being just TOO different.

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BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 04/04/2022 15:33

Can totally relate, in fact, I could have written that post. It's incredibly painful isn't it? I think therapy might help. I'm stuck in an endless cycle of resentment and blame towards people throughout my life and have more or less turned my back on the outside world now.

Have you the opportunity to talk to anyone?

knackeredcat · 05/04/2022 08:38

Agreed, Barrow. I'm so angry at how so many failed me, offering no advice on what I was supposedly doing wrong and offering no solutions. Feeling so burdened from a very young age and feeling like I will never trust anyone ever again. I don't even want to interact with anyone ever again as I feel I'll always run the risk of blame, shame and burden.

I'm now moving up a waiting list for private EMDR therapy. Hopefully a place will be available soon.

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BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 05/04/2022 09:00

Do you have a partner for support? Do you know any ND people you can be friends with?

DeffoJeffo · 05/04/2022 09:21

I think this is such a tricky one. I have a family member who is now looking into diagnosis as an adult woman. My sense is that she will also feel a lot of anger and resentment. However, when she was a child autism just wasn't understood as it is now and I don't think the idea of it ever even crossed her parent's minds. I genuinely don't think that's their fault and they will also have a lot of guilt, and unpacking to do. It's a hard situation all round. There are plenty of non diagnosed children around even now but 20/30 years ago it would have been mind-boggling numbers

AffIt · 05/04/2022 10:32

I've mentioned this on previous threads, but following my diagnosis about 10 years ago when I was in my early 30s, I think I spent the following two years feeling angry - it is apparently quite a common reaction, particularly among those diagnosed at a later age.

It reflects the Kubler-Ross grief response model - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

knackeredcat · 05/04/2022 11:23

Really hoping the EMDR will help with the trauma around this, as well as other trauma from way back. Just need that all important confirmation that I'm top of the waiting list.

Barrow - my OH is also ND. He's awaiting an autism diagnosis, but via the NHS. He's been my rock throughout all of this. I don't have any friends as I don't have the energy for them after working and studying, plus I'm done with trying to get people to understand.

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