Bullying and trauma as a neurodiverse person have made me so fearful of people

[Mrspepperpoi]

I was pretty late to be diagnosed and suffered a lot of bullying throughout life. I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship over 3 years ago and I think healing from that and trying to get over it was what finally led to me just getting extremely anxious around people.

I am in therapy and it has brought me so far but due to all of the abusive relationships I have had along the way, it's like a huge part of me has shut down. Before my relationship breakup, I was actually reasonably sociable and got on with a lot of people, now I fear I will never be like that again. I spoke about this with my therapist and she explained it as being like an appliance that has been wired a certain way, but due to certain events, the wiring has become undone a little bit again, but the fact I was reasonably sociable before gives her (and me) hope that I can be that way again.

Does anyone else find that trauma has changed who you are and that you find it really difficult to be around people now?

Hi, firstly and sorry you are having a hard time.

I am not neurodiverse, I have no diagnosis, but have always felt a bit disconnected.

I had a very difficult time to do with a family illness and was very upset with how other people treated me because I dealt with it all in a way they thought was incorrect (basically I was too quiet and wanted to retreat). This affected how I felt about other humans very deeply, I prefer to keep a few barriers up now. I feel the trauma of the event + how people were with me will never leave me entirely.

I hope you and your counsellor can find a way forward for you.

I don't bother with anyone anymore. Me and dh are friends with another ND couple, but we're not in each others pockets. I don't mix socially or trust anyone. I've had a lifetime of abuse from age 4. I'm 52 now and have given up. It would be nice to have a social group, but I find NTs boring now. I might try if there was a ND group, but where would you find such a thing?

Your therapy might help @Mrspepperpoi. I've never tried it post diagnosis.

There are social groups for adults with ASD out there.
For example
Sheffield
Hampshire
St Helens, Halton, Knowsley, Warrington and Wigan
Bedfordshire
Barnsley

Perhaps have google or ask around locally.

The ones in my area just seem to be for people with LDs. I don't live in a very diverse area.

That’s a shame. It’s worth investigating neighbouring areas as the links I posted were just examples, there are other groups aimed at ‘high functioning’ autistics in various places across the country from Durham to Exeter and in between. Or you could look at setting one up.

Yes; for me, the main traumatic event happened when I was 15, and it's taken me many years to learn to integrate what happened into my life story, and to ameliorate most of the symptoms it left me with. There's no option to go back to "before", because the "before" version of me was a child. I'm not convinced that anyone can go back to the person they were, anyway — what you can do is develop into the person you're going to be.