Booked an assessment, feel like shit

[PeacefulPrune]

I've booked an assessment for myself for dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and ADHD screening. It was only £350. Really I just want to rule them out. I'm trying to go through my GP for an autism assessment.

I just filled out a questionnaire in prep for the assessment and it's made me feel like I shouldn't be going for the assessment. (I've already paid).
I struggled with reading and writing to start with but caught up. I was unable to learn my times tables but managed to get a GCSE in maths due to working stuff out using my fingers.

I think I have very high standards and expectations for myself.

I think I may just have a very low tolerance to struggling, so much so, that I think I'm autistic or dyslexic or dyspraxic when eally I'm not. I just find things/life hard.

I feel shit at the moment.

No idea what I want from this post. Thanks if you've got a this far.

Sounds like you're having a huge dose of imposter syndrome! All the worries of what if they say I'm not any of the things I think I might be...then what?

I imagine you'll have done a heap of reading around all this, resonated with others experiences, and you have a valid reason for seeking these assessments. Just keep reminding yourself of that. There's a few online forms you can complete that may give you some reassurance that it's not just you looking for 'excuses'? Although they tend to make me worse as I think because I know why they're asking certain questions and what answers are looked for that I skew the results to suit what I think is happening within my brain!

I have friends who even after some of their diagnoses wondered whether they'd somehow fooled the psychiatrist or whoever was completing the assessment.

How long will you have to wait until the screening?

Thanks @NunoBettencourt. Yes I've read about the imposter syndrome in relations it getting assessed.

I remember in uni considering getting assessed for dyslexia and at the time I thought I didn't want to get it as if.the results were that I'm not dyslexic then that would just mean I'm thick. Like there's no reason apart from being stupid for my struggles.

But there must be some people out there that get assessed and aren't dyslexic or autistic etc.

Assessment for dyslexia etc is end of May.

No idea about the autism assessment or even if I'm on the list or not. Getting hold of my GP is almost impossible.

Oh this is entirely consistent with a whole fuckload of people's experiences with getting assessed as an adult, and while horrible, the double-, triple-, and quadruple-guessing yourself is NOT ANY KIND of indicator that you really are a total fraud casting around for excuses as to why you're the most incompetent human who ever humanned. Those thoughts are basically entirely natural ones to have and any time you see them, you can go "ah, there goes one of those thoughts about how I'm really just intolerant of failure". It's fine to get assessed. If you find out you don't meet diagnostic criteria, it was still fine to get assessed — it will have helped you find out more about yourself.

You say it was only £350 so it sounds like you have made peace with spending that amount. What’s the worse outcome from this? That you spend the money but don’t get a diagnosis? You still have an answer of sorts then. Or you do in which case you also get more of an explanation of things so again worth doing.
Who have you arranged this through out of interest? Sounds very reasonable.

CF Psychology Group Ltd.
W1G 6AR

Hopefully the CF doesn't have the same meaning as it does on here 😂

Imposter syndrome is normal... I started to doubt myself before my assessment as I had straight As and a 1st class degree, plus studying towards further qualifications. But I burnt myself out to get there. I scored 18/18 for ADHD on my diagnostic assessment and they picked up the need for an autism assessment too. They will see you and how you're struggling

I know there's something neurodivergent about me but I don't think it falls neatly into one diagnosis.

I relate to some dyslexic traits, but I can spell

some dyspraxic traits but I can catch a ball if I have warning

some autistic traits but I don't have sensory issues or have meltdowns.

some ADHD inattentive traits

But I don't think I have enough of any of them to be diagnosed as them.

But my processing speed slows right down in certain situations which seems to cause the traits that fall in the diagnosis's I just mentioned.

It may or may not add a complexity to your screenings and assessments, but it won't mean that you are undiagnoseable because of it. A good assessor will see everything and know where to go or what to do for clarification if needed.

My DC3's autism diagnosis took 17 months as there were areas the paed wanting looking into more as things were inconclusive. He is most definitely autistic! My DC2 used to mask like their life depended on it and their assessor still saw through that enough to warrant an autism diagnosis. More recently my DC1's ADHD diagnosis came with the recommendation to be assessed for autism as well.

I guess I just want to reassure you that even if things aren't straightforward they will become clearer as the process of assessment continues.

Also, if you've any layer of trauma (and honestly I'm not entirely sure that there are many undiagnosed ND adults out there without some level of trauma) that can be thrown into the mix too and make it tricky to pick apart what is causing what. But it can be done!

With the list you gave above Irlen Syndrome also popped into my mind - have you looked into that at all? Something like a third of ND people have Irlen too I think.

I know there's something neurodivergent about me but I don't think it falls neatly into one diagnosis.

It’s apparently really common to have more than one ND diagnosis. I originally had autism diagnosed… then about 2 years ago ADHD… and very recently dyslexia (a total surprise) and dyspraxia. Not everyone has all the traits you read about online, and sometimes one condition “compensates” for another.

I just had a look at CF psychology (as the price you've quoted is extraordinarily cheap - a full autism assessment on its own is usually around £1000) and they seem to be educational psychology assessments. Just wanted to highlight (in case you weren't aware) that EP assessments can identify possible diagnoses but an EP can't give you a firm diagnosis (certainly for ADHD and autism, I'm not sure how it works for Dyslexia etc)....you would need a psychiatrist for that.

It's probably a good starting point for you as you are so unsure about what condition if any might apply to you; however if they think you might be autistic or have ADHD then you would need to pay again for an assessment to confirm (and to access meds for adhd). You could also use any such report to try to get on the NHS waiting list for diagnosis.

Just wanted to highlight that to you in case you didn't realise.

It sounds like quite an interesting exercise to go through though. My DS had an EP assessment when he was a child and it gave us loads of useful information about him.

Good luck with it.