I need a handhold

[Mummiepig]

I'm so sad, I hate myself I wish I wasn't autistic
I'm so crap at social skills I try and be nice to everyone but I'm always left out and often bullied, I'm being bullied at work and I don't want to go in, I'm on a antidepressants but I can't stop crying, I just wish I was somebody else

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low @Mummiepig and I'm sorry that I can't do anything to make things better for you.

I hear you though

Life can be so shit and when we are at a low ebb, everything becomes so overwhelming.

Would you consider checking in with your GP to let them know you're feeling so low and ask them for help?

So sorry to hear this @Mummiepig . That feeling of self-hatred is so difficult. Sometimes I find myself saying horrible insults aloud to myself such as 'you stupid b - ' and yet I would never say something like that to someone else, however angry I was. I wish there was a way of accepting myself.

Being bullied at work is awful - yes, been there too. My esteem was so low it wasn't until years afterwards that I realised what had been happening - I just thought was being treated like that because I was rubbish at my job.

Do you have a HR department you can speak to about the bullying? I would also suggest (this might be painful) keeping a record of all the incidents as evidence.

If you are feeling this bad, are you sure going into work is the right thing to do - could you speak to your GP about being signed off to give you a break and help you think more clearly?

I was signed off about 6 weeks ago, and it was OK when I went back initially and now they have started again, thanks for your replies, I think I was just having a bit of a meltdown and needed to get it all out, I'm trying to take care of myself now I had a bath and had my favourite lunch now I'm sat in the sun, I need to contact the gp as my psychiatrist recommended changing my antidepressants anyway but the surgery said they hadn't heard from him I'm not feeling up to it today so I'll put it on my to do list for next week, only 2 more shifts then I have 3 days off so trying to focus on that
Thanks for your kind words x

I can't really afford to be signed off again as I only get ssp and I've been buying lots of things for my special interests to cheer myself up but it didn't work and I've spent too much

Make some lovely plans for your days off, and focus on them.

In my experience, when one part of the NHS says they will contact another part, it tends to take ages - hopefully it will have filtered through by next week.

@Mummiepig I'm so so sorry you are feeling like this. I can relate all too well. Definitely do something nice for yourself during your time off, you deserve it

@Mummiepig Could you make an appointment with your local CAB to find out if you quit your job and instead was on PIP and UC could you get similar amount of money?

If you could survive on PIP and UC, I say go for it. How you spend your days is how you spend your life, so why spend your time being miserable if you do not need to?