Re-evaluating in light of possible ASC

Hello. Hope it's ok for me to be here. I've namechanged because I'm not sure what I feel at the moment and more anonymity is attractive. Do you mind bearing with me through a longish post? It's about me but we have to talk about the DC to get there.

I have three DC. DD10 had a GDD diagnosis at 2.5. Now we're calling it a learning disability. Was previously told by paed there is 'no point considering whether DD10 has ASC because she has a very very low IQ and that's the thing that will define her.' ALL OF THE EYEROLLS. But now we're in a new area and all teachers and professionals are once again asking 'Does DD10 have ASC?' and it seems worthwhile going through the motions again to see if we can access assessment.

Meanwhile. DD3 has been flagged up by new pre-school for possible signs of ASC and so we are in the middle of a referral to community paed to discuss assessment.

Therefore. We've also now started discussions about assessment for DS7 who seems very likely to end up with a diagnosis along the lines of 'high functioning ASC'. I know the 'high functioning' bit is questionable terminology but it seems to be literally true as regards his IQ and useful at the moment to distinguish his high academic achievement from DD10's rather different experiences.

So.Let's talk about Bruno. Being me. Somewhere in the midst of all this DH and then I said, Oh, hang on. Does Bruno have ASC? And the more I think about it the more likely it seems. I think I have some hella good coping and masking strategies, some of the time. But I think they are strategies. I never really had friends til I was about 17, then I started figuring it out a bit. The social stuff just never really clicked for me. I was always 'smart', academically. Always talking some adult's ear off about all the new information I'd recently learnt. I was always very rule-bound. I really struggle with changes of plans. I think it would be fair to say that I have melt-downs. Real embarrassing screaming shouting breaking things ones. Not for about a year at this point, but the last one was pretty terrible. I am perceived as a very 'organised' person in the workplace but I think it's all a memory trick. I struggle so much to maintain it at home - laundry, school admin, tidying, cleaning, planning for weekends and holidays, meal-planning, cooking. I have been diagnosed with depression several times but the meds never worked. I struggle with starting a task anywhere other than the absolute foundational beginning point and with completing it in anything other than the perfect ideal logical order, however time-consuming.

I guess I'm curious, given that you folks have experience of being neurodiverse and that perhpas some of you have neurodiverse DC, whether any of that sounds familiar? Whether that sounds like a mum with ASC or a mum failing to cope for whatever reason with life generally? Does it sound like I should pursue assessment? How on earth does one do that, as an adult, given the struggle to assess DD10 who is a child still and with obvious needs? Are there online assessments that are worth the time? Is there any use to pursuing assessment, or will it just make me feel bad to think that in fact I was struggling more than I realised back at school/uni/as a new mum?

Thanks if you've read this far!