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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

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Original poster

So low, feel flat as a pancake

21 replies

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 10:42

I hope it's all right to leave this here without some mad cheerleader telling me to go to group therapy or some such.

I am so, so down at the moment and can't seem to do anything without feeling it's a Herculean effort.

I have been on meds for years, now with a brief trial for ADHD meds that don't help much and upset my stomach.

I have been really down since seeing friends at the weekend and not sure I suit company any more.

I'm very much "if it's not under my nose I forget about it".

I was so upset that friends didn't want to meet the last two years but now I've got used to being alone and don't know if I want to change.

Everything just feels like a huge muddle and I never seem to make sense to NT people and I'm so sick of dealing with doctors.

Someone on MN said how much the ordinary stuff of life gets harder as you get older. I am really feeling that. Routine things that I shouldn't even notice feel like climbing a mountain.

I just wanted to say this to people who might get it.

Thank you for listening.

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 22/03/2022 10:53

I fully understand what you're saying. I think things do get harder as you get older. The sheer slog and repetition with little or no progress is a real downer.

I'm a strong believer in medication and supplements and they're what I rely on to keep me going. I know you say you don't like seeing doctors, but could you perhaps try to get some antidepressants - or change the ones you're on if you're on some already? There's a few different types of adhd meds as well. I struggled on Sertraline for a few years, but have switched to Escitalopram now and feel much better as well as taking several supplements which can help adhd as I can't take adhd meds.

I find that simplifying my life helps a lot and I don't expect too much of myself and don't take on too much either. Do you have a partner or family? Do you work?

LizDoingTheCanCan · 22/03/2022 11:09

I get it. The past few years have been the perfect storm for ND people, and I don't have the energy or motivation to find my way back from it. I have a CPN who does not have the first idea about living with autism ('have you tried mindfulness?'), my (lovely) psychiatrist has disappeared and my GP is just rude.

I'm too tired to try anymore. The one time I feel better is when I accept my life for what it is, and stop trying to do normal. But that's really hard, when the simplest things require 'normal'.

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 11:16

Liz you have summarised it much better than I can! I can't even talk about lockdown without crying or getting the rage.

Barrow I've been on AD meds for years
Just upped them after a period of thinking I could stop them - volatility I guess
I don't think I can face trying more ADHD meds and there are weight and blood pressure implications, two problems I already have

I am single and childfree, which feels like the only blessing sometimes...that's irrational, I certainly have other blessings but I just forget, in this mode.

I must shake it off as I am seeing things skewiff.

I work shifts, Monday is usually double so Tuesday is often rough.

I have to help my elderly mum with stuff and that is always a bothersome background burden.

My life is often easy and pleasant though. I just feel very crap at the mo. I definitely veer towards permanent depression - better than permanent anxiety.

I am trying to move. It's not going well and the place I live in currently isn't a good place to go and enjoy nice weather.

I just wanted a vent to people who would understand. I know being surrounded by undone chores is making me feel worse. I just struggle so much to do them!

OP posts:

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 11:21

Liz "The past few years have been the perfect storm for ND people, and I don't have the energy or motivation to find my way back from it."

Yes. I think perhaps I should do as few social things as possible. I have so few friends left but I don't feel comfortable in company any more and I cba to relearn it.

I have three aunts - two deceased - who lived from 50s onwards as quietly as possible. I always rather fancied doing that, even when I was 20 something.

OP posts:

NewbieDivergent · 22/03/2022 11:21

Venlafaxine has been a game changer for me and I've tried citalopram,mirtazipine,sertraline twice,fluoxetine and propranolol.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 22/03/2022 12:04

Yeah, the adhd med side effects are a nuisance. Are you moving to somewhere more peaceful?

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 12:21

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Yeah, the adhd med side effects are a nuisance. Are you moving to somewhere more peaceful?

It is more peaceful....I'm aware it won't be brilliant as quiet is something that's largely gone from society now, sadly.

But I really think it's likely to fall through, sadly. If not, it will not get through before summer which is very sad for me.

I have washed the dishes in the sink, which is a good start!

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 22/03/2022 12:53

Oh no, I'm sorry it might fall through. I hope it doesn't. Everyone deserves to live peacefully if they want to.

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 14:25

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Oh no, I'm sorry it might fall through. I hope it doesn't. Everyone deserves to live peacefully if they want to.

Thank you Barrow I'm finding to hard to settle to anything

There are some periods of time that you just want to pass, if that makes sense. Unusual for me to say this about sunny days!

OP posts:

Clarice99 · 22/03/2022 17:48

No suggestions of group therapy from me!!

You seem to have a good understanding of yourself and it's positive that you're questioning and pondering things that are going on in your life. You don't have to take action immediately. Sometimes just allowing ourselves time to think, process, weigh up options can induce peaceful feelings which can then have a positive effect, however small, on our mood.

Often we put too many demands on ourselves to try to fit in, that we overlook what we want and what we need.

The path of life is never straight, it meanders off in all directions, raising questions about our choices, relationships, friends, etc and it's not a bad thing to admit that the friends who once 'did it for you' no longer do and perhaps the friendship has run its course.

Maybe if you give yourself permission to not expect to be wonder woman and tackle all of the outstanding chores immediately, but to set small, achievable targets, like your achievement with the washing up, then things may not be so overwhelming.

And keep posting on here if it helps

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 17:54

I'm not putting pressure on myself, the state of the place is making me feel worse, which is why I'd like to stay on top of it.

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 22/03/2022 18:45

When I'm feeling down I just try to make sure the kitchen and bathroom is reasonable and hygienic, I don't beat myself up about the rest of the place, I just do it when I'm feeling a bit better.

Clarice99 · 22/03/2022 20:12

@EmmaH2022

I'm not putting pressure on myself, the state of the place is making me feel worse, which is why I'd like to stay on top of it.

Do you have anyone who can help? Or, could you afford to pay someone? If paying is an option, it might be a better to enlist help this way as it's anonymous.

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 22/03/2022 21:22

Clarice it's mostly tidying and sorting and it's quite regular...I need to form better habits. It feels like one step forward and two steps back.

It's a small flat so it would be mad to pay a cleaner really.

Thanks for listening everyone..I really appreciate it. It has been such a low day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Working Thursday, Friday, Saturday for 10 hours so need to get stuff done tomorrow!

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 23/03/2022 09:03

How are you feeling today?

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 23/03/2022 09:32

Thank you for asking, Barrow, much appreciated.

I'm pretty tired. Had a bad night and some stress round the property to sort today - or maybe today it all goes wrong!

Perhaps the adrenaline will get me to do some stuff today though!

Hope you are okay?

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 23/03/2022 10:08

When will you know for sure about the property? I think uncertainty is very stressful.

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 23/03/2022 11:15

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

When will you know for sure about the property? I think uncertainty is very stressful.

Barrow I reckon it could be a few months if it actually goes through.

I'm all right not to dwell on it most of the time. Much more concerned about these periods of complete inertia. It seems, with ADHD, there's never a pattern you can learn to work with. Just that sometimes things are fine and sometimes they are very bad.

That said, lack of consistency is a pattern in itself. In January, I did a forward planner and stuck to it for six weeks. I couldn't even say why I broke that streak.

I feel as if my whole life has been a failed exercise in discipline!

OP posts:

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 23/03/2022 12:20

I feel as if my whole life has been a failed exercise in discipline!

I think it's the worst part of adhd.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 23/03/2022 13:12

This youtuber is really good. Her voice is a bit squeaky, but she knows what she's talking about and presents it in an effective way.

Original poster

EmmaH2022 · 23/03/2022 13:54

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I feel as if my whole life has been a failed exercise in discipline!

I think it's the worst part of adhd.

Yes, although I have to control my use of the internet better. Especially MN.

I slept very little last night, now I've done some chores, had a nap, and feel like a reset button has been pushed. Phew.

I have now got my planner sheets out for the next two months.

Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it. If I seem to vanish at any point, it will be that I logged out of MN!

OP posts:

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