Video calls/ Speaking on the phone

[Mrspepperpoi]

I'm just wondering what everyone else would do in this situation. I have a penpal I've had for about 10 years now. It has and always will be a friendship based on writing letters. She lives in America, however she keeps bothering me about speaking on the phone or doing video calls and to be honest, the thought is enough to give me a full blown panic attack which I feel pathetic for.

I've always had a high pitched monotone kind of voice and been judged harshly and even bullied for this in the past; so the thought of facing further judgement upsets me. Just for clarity, with those I'm close to and trust and doing the basics in making appointments, I have no problem speaking on the phone, but apart from that its extremely difficult and causes a whole lot of anxiety.

How does everyone else get out of video calls or phone calls with someone you don't want to speak to? I feel pathetic for being so anxious about something that is so simple to other people

Could you say that your broadband is a bit glitchy and calls drop out all the time?

(I am assuming you wouldn't be phoning on a landline/mobile due to costs.)

@BoardLikeAMirror yeah I will try saying something like that, good idea

I wouldn't make anything up i.e. lie. I'd just tell the truth. The truth is always the best option.

If the pen pal is a reasonable person, they'll understand. If not, I'd bin them, but that's just me!

@Clarice99 yes you're right. I think in this case it's probably best to just be open about things

I get real anxiety about using the phone/calls etc
I just try to be honest about it. Really lucky on the rare occasions at work I might have to call someone rather than email my lovely colleagues make the call for me (I help them In other areas too)
But in day to day life I restrict phone calls to essential ones only

I'd be honest as well. Does she know you're ND?

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation yes she knows I've got ADHD

If it’s always been about letters could you suggest instant messaging, like WhatsApp as a middle ground? It’s a bit more real time but you don’t have to actually speak.

I have several friends who hate speaking on the phone or using video calls. They just tell me they dislike it and I respect that. Surely if you know one another well enough to correspond for 10 years you can say "Actually, talking on the phone can make me quite anxious, I'm far more comfortable via written word which is why I enjoy our penpal friendship so much."

I agree, just be honest with her. It's okay to have boundaries.