Birthday and life a mess - help

[OutlookStalking]

I've just emailed an e consult to my dr and now I'm anxious I haven't explained things properly/that they can't help. My life is a mess but all the issues link so its hard to explain.

Ive emailed under "anxiety" because I am waking up anxious and spending half the day anxious but scared I will just het medication that will make me gai weight.

I am morbidly obese. I am very clever but I cannot manage this and feel stupid. I want help but diets havent worked and my anxiety often fixates on this.

I have also asked for an adhd/autism referal I know the wait is long for this but its been on my mind for years. Im worried this will get lost in my more urgent weight/anxiety issues.

I have failed at life. Career. The lot. Have very difficult relationships with my parenrs (neglect/alcoholims/mental health.)

I dont sleep well. Often up from 2/3am hence this post. Its my birthday and ive sent of the econsult and now worried that I havrnt provided all my evidence for adhd/autism and that my mind will go bank.

Im worried they only look at one issue but mine are all interlinked. Every year I have just put on more weight and my mental health has got worse.

Sorry not sure what I am actually asking. I have just got myself into a state at 4am and though to post. Grrr.

Sorry to hear this OP. The autism waiting list is usually a couple of years. If you do have autism then you haven’t failed at life and career etc - you’ve had problems because of undiagnosed autism and you haven’t had any support. Just being on the waiting list will make you feel like you’ve taken a step forward. In the meantime perhaps you could seek support with your weight.

Hi @OutlookStalking. Happy Birthday. How old?

I'm autistic (diagnosed, too) and awake. My sleeping patterns are fucked. Also my eating patterns ...

I lost weight in lockdown by setting my three meals a day' plan and sticking to it. Basically salad lunch, veg supper (both with protein) and eggs or porridge for breakfast. I need to get back to that...

Be kind to yourself. You say you have failed but you have reached the point you are at despite living with a serious disability.

thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk/

The Curly Hair Project is a social enterprise that helps people on the autistic spectrum founded by autistic author Alis Rowe.
They also run online webinars and publish books to help people understand their autism and associated conditions.

My daughter is autistic and since exploring the posibility I might be am pretty sure I fit, although may fit adhd more. Friends don't seem surprised when I suggest it. I know diagnosis takes forever and may not even happen (middle aged woman etc) but it would at least explain some of the struggle.

I am now mid 40s and just struggling so much. It feels every few years the cycle just gets harder. I think my weight and anxiety are linked to poor mental health and poor executive function so perhaps the autosm/adhd underlies it. But I still need help with coping now if that makes sense?

I have compeltely messed life up. I was supper clever (oxbridge) and yet low income and unable to cope day to day/sleep properly/eat properly. I feel like I will never get a handle on it..

I have no idea what to say to the dr when they ring as it feels so overwhelming and they can't fix it can they. Im terrified I will doe early from a weight related health issue.

Ive been trying so hard to cope and manage (people dont see that and assume im fat and lazy) and each year its getting harder.

I just want to curl up and cry and hide on my birthday.

Much of my time my brain is working hard to "fix" my problems but there isnt an answer so it cant.

Thanks Donra. The thing is I dont know how to get "support with my weight. " ober the years I have tried diets/healthy eating/intuitive eating exercise etx and I have failed at them all. 15 years on and Im about 8 stone heavier and terrified. I feel like basic advice doesn't work for me. I suspect some of it is childhood trauma related/mental health but i still want to lose the weight.

@StopStartStop sorry you are struggling too. I tried to follow an intuitive eating group and a "no foods are bad" thing but my brain is too literal and I have just piled on more weight. I think i need rules and guidelines. I am so out of my depth.

I think if I could just sleep it would help. Or not be anxious. Or manage to create and stick to a plan.

I am worried my life is imploding 😔

Yes. I know that feeling. There's too much and it's all happening at once.

Can you focus on 'the moment'? That was the main thing I learned from years of therapy. 'This moment, now.' It's all we have and it's all that matters. In this moment, you are present. There's a video on YouTube called 'The Perfect Self' by Jim Kitzmuller (?something like that), it's very soothing and helps you be at peace now, without changing anything. Peace in the moment is very helpful.

Thankyou for your replies. I appreciate it. (This moment feels pretty anxious ;) ) I know what you mean though my brain spins so fast that Im overwhelmed before Ive even started.

I cant listen now as husband asleep next to me (so jealous of his sleep. Ive been up since 2!) But will look later.

I dont know whether to ask dr for help woth anxiety/sleep/weight or push the autism refrral. I know they prefer 2 item at a time ....

I think if I could plan healthy meals it would help. I am so exhausted most if the time my brain just doesnt function.

I'd pursue the anxiety and autism referral this time as they're both interlinked. If you can get a handle on the anxiety, it'll make a big difference to your life. You can then plan your weight management and wait for your autism diagnosis. Can you afford to get a private referral?

For meal plans try the Dr Michael Mosley diet as he's got ready made meal plans and recipes so you don't have to think about recipes while you wait to see Dr about weight issues.
thebloodsugardiet.com/

NHS Anxiety help

Mental health support

Thankyou. I tried iapt in Jan and am waiting for counselling (qualify for the 20 week offer due to child trauma, but was told that that was it they dont support after that 🙄. )

I am qorried about anxiety medication as I had mirtazapine once and although I wasnt anxuous my motivation was worse than ever full on zombie and gained weight.

Im so worried about it all.

If i lost weight id move better
If i slept id be less anxious
If i was less anxious i could probably function better. They all interlink.

I cant afdord private diagnosis but also aware a private diagnosis might not be accpeted. I did wonder if adhd medication would help me focus but i expect im too large to meet criteria and might make me more anxious.

Its all such a mess and ive had similar-osh conversations with my dr every 2-3 years it just gets worse. And I feel if i say the wrong thing I wont access help or rather it depends on what i say as to what they focus on.

I dont know if i want sleeping pills anxiety meds or what (and if anxiety meds would mean i function less/cant do the bit of work I do do.

Wow had a message back from dr that I can see my dr in a MONTH. I feel Im cracking up now.

I guess it means I can make a pretty folder of evidence for a referal. But right now I need sleep and to reduce anxiety. I am so anti meds normally (and avoid dr because of it) im really upset I dont have something to help me sleep/take edge off anxiety. I am not functioning.

Sending positive thoughts for you. I know how it feels but I'm a lot better now, so there is hope.

You talk a lot about your weight being a source of anxiety so I’ll start with that - have you tried intermittent fasting? I’m autistic and that has worked so well for me because it’s actually simplified my life and there’s a clear “rule” to it. I eat what I was eating before, I just finish eating by 8pm at night and then wait until 12pm the next day to eat again. This helps to use up glycogen stores and also helps to sort of regulate your insulin which has health benefits over time. I’ve also found it’s given me more mental energy. Plus I now have one less meal to organise and prepare which is great! Look up Jason Fung on YouTube for some really informative videos. I use the Fastic app as a timer.

I’ve found meditating for 10 minutes a day has also helped to just bring a sense of calm throughout my day. 10 minutes is short enough that it’s easy to do every day without feeling like it’s a “thing” I have to do, but with time I’ve found myself walking around really enjoying just feeling the movement of my breath and I’m a lot more regulated emotionally. I like the Calm app. I do it before bed and it helps me clear my mind, I then read a novel until I fall asleep and it helps to stop my brain just thinking about all the things. Sometimes if my brain won’t stop I just write down all my thoughts and that can help to get them out of my head and it seems to help.

I know I’ve gone into problem solving mode and that things aren’t a simple quick fix, but I’ve found these things so genuinely helpful I wanted to share just in case they can be helpful for you too. I’m finally feeling like I can cope with life after years of horrible depression and I hope we can all help each other to find a way through the difficult times x

Hi Meg thankyou. Ive heard of the calm app and will look into it. It might help when I'm awake at 3am too!

Im glad you are feeling like you are coping - what changed for you?

I think with the weight Im v anxious health wise but I also think its a symptom rather than a cause and I need to attack the underlying issues. But Im tired. I need to sleep! I'm going to ask at the pharmacists I think but I need to be awake to run a group in the morning.

Finding out I’m autistic, and then actively working to identify what wasn’t working in my life and taking steps to change those things. I found that often the usual advice given to people on how to make things easier just didn’t apply to me and I had to find my own way around it. Being aware of how much socialising drains me and allowing myself appropriate rest and not just saying yes to things because I think I should. Being able to understand my sensory needs and the signs I’m getting overwhelmed so that I can manage that. Basically my whole life has changed since my diagnosis but I had to do the work to get here, and I’m well aware that cycles of depression and burnout are probably going to be a part of my life forever. I just know better how to deal with everything now.

Thanks for sharing that. I really appreciate hearing how it has worked for you. I was also diagnosed with chronic fatigue/ME years ago and I now think its more likely burnout/overwhelm etc. I hear what you are saying about the cycles and I think that's something I need to adapt to. I am so frustrated at the moment about the things I struggle with but it would be healthier to accept it is as it is.

I was diagnosed with ADHD and probable ASD earlier last year, I started medication in the summer and it's the only thing that has ever made me able to take control of my eating patterns. I also have (undiagnosed) binge eating disorder, my weight and food take up so much headspace and I'm sure my weight is a major contributor to my anxiety and fear of failure, and has probably exacerbated these ADHD symptoms.

I was prescribed Elvanse which is prescribed for ADHD in the UK but can be prescribed for binge eating disorder in the US. The medication doesn't have the effect of suppressing my hunger but I am now able 'decide' whether I want to eat or not - which I know sounds crazy to a lot of people but it was truly like I had no control over my eating habits before this.

You say that your weight could mean that they won't prescribe you ADHD meds, could you check your heart rate and blood pressure regularly (you can buy a home monitor for about £20) and see if that is true, or do you know already?

I really apologise if I'm way off base and meds are definitely not an option for you (and also if I sound like a drugs pusher!). I have the same feelings you describe and can relate so much to your post, I hope you're feeling a bit better today

Thansk ever so much for posting that. I had wondered about adhd meds and if they'd help with regulation but as its a month before I even get a callback from my dr it will be a long way before diagnosis.....

It would be amazing if it did. I think its the executive function aspect I struggle with and its infuriating because I'm bright and can "see" myself going wrong.

I too struggle with binge eating and fear theyll send me down the weight loss surgery route when Im not sure thats right.