Got diagnosed with ASD this morning but feel like a fake

[Mummiepig]

I started suspecting I had ASD about 10 years ago, I've felt different since I was 8, I'm now 43, I got diagnosed this morning, but I feel like a fake, like I'm imagining it all, like I'm not really autistic I'm just weird and nobody likes me, can anyone relate?

Oh lovely, they don’t hand out diagnosis out like cakes. You are autistic, you’re not a fake.

He also said he suspected ADHD too but I've never even considered that, I don't think I have it, he said I talked A LOT butted in, was impatient and difficulty getting organised, finishing tasks, often late, which is true but isnt that true of everyone sometimes
Thank you for your kind words, maybe it will sink in soon

I think this is a fairly common reaction @Mummiepig

I got my husband to call the assessor and various other people to express that I thought they'd got it wrong - I couldn't call myself due to my hatred of the telephone. All of them said there's no way they were wrong! It took me a while to accept it the autism diagonsis even though I'd 'known' for years and years that I was autistic. Yep, I'm a contrary so and so.

It'll take time to sink in, but the people who carry out the assessments are qualified professionals and whilst I'm not say they can never be wrong, it's highly unlikely.

Welcome to your tribe!

It's weird because I've "known" for about 10 years, but now it's official I don't believe it and think it must be wrong

I was diagnosed about ten years ago - let me warn you now that the next stage is anger.

I thought I would be happy as everything would make sense and I would go get a takeaway and a bottle of wine, but I dont feel like it, I just ate too many biscuits and I'm watching Netflix but not really paying attention to it

Well done for going through with the assessment. I doubt they would have made a mistake. Try to be kind to yourself it's potentially life changing information that you've just received about yourself so processing it and experiencing lots of different emotions that come with that is likely exhausting!
Have you got any relaxing things you can do over the next few days?

I can't find it now, but someone (maybe on twitter?) did quite a funny list of the "stages of autism diagnosis as an adult" and questioning whether the diagnosis is even accurate was the first stage.

I've got 3 days off work now and it's pay day tomorrow so might go treat myself to a new puzzle to do, it's all so surreal, I told my mum by text and she just said "sorry to hear that" not really the reaction I was expecting!

@RocketAndAFuckingMelon oh I wish i could read that!!!

Well congratulations!!

Sorry about your mum's reaction.

@PeacefulPrune could have been worse she could have said "no you're not that's nonsense" which is what I was half expecting!

Oh well that's good.

@RocketAndAFuckingMelon I think I've seen the image you were describing. Above is a similar one but not quite it.

@PeacefulPrune love it
Mine was
I'm rubbish at making friends
I'm so weird
No one wants me around
I think I have OCD
No I think I have bipolar
No I think I have BPD
No I just think its depression
God literally no one likes me
Maybe I'm autistic
Yes that's it I must be autistic
Definitely autism

DOCTOR: you definitely have ASD

ME: I can't have
No I'm probably imagining it
I feel like a fake
I'm just weird and no one likes me
That's it I'm just weird
He probably got it wrong

That's such a good break down. I think it helps you know that whatever you're feeling now is unlikely to be permanent.

@AffIt

I was diagnosed about ten years ago - let me warn you now that the next stage is anger.

Yes! Anger definitely came next for me.

Along with my anger came a lot of swearing, including the C word which I'd never used before.

Disbelief
Anger
Denial
Confusion
Acceptance

I think that's how mine panned out (for autism anyway, I still haven't digested the later ADHD diagnosis).

With acceptance of the diagnosis came acceptance of myself, my quirks, my differences and an attitude that says 'I don't give a shit'

You are the real you and any diagnosis is a human attempts to explain and hopefully point to ways of helping with something difficult.

If you were diagnosed with partial hearing but had learnt to lip read well you wouldn't be a fake but you'd have the chance of treatment/equipment that would help.

There's a lot of ASD and ADHD around my family. I think getting your head around diagnosis can be a long process.

In another context I heard the advice "Find your people" during the pandemic and it struck home. There's a great YouTuber, Jessica, who does a channel called 'How to ADHD' have you come across her?

Best of luck! 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

I think I reacted similarly when my (then) 5yo was diagnosed. I made it go back to the panel and everything. And I cried. A lot. Now it’s so blatantly obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it.

The thing is, the diagnosis itself doesn’t change a single thing about who he is, it just gives me a lens through which to understand him. He is still the same person, and so are you.

Thanks for everyone's help, I'm just doubting it because I don't remember what I was like as a small child apart from very intelligent but painfully shy, and I was scared of lawnmowers, my parents never noticed anything, and I hid my friendship struggles from age 8 onwards from them, but I don't know, I was me at the interview and answered everything honestly and he's the expert not me

@Mummiepig, glad to hear you have answers. Must be a relief. I feel I’m similar to you in every way you describe and will be on the hunt for a diagnosis too. 💐

Was it easy to get the assessment and what do they do? Is it a questionnaire/counselling/activity-based, or a mixture of these?

It was a 72 question thing with full paragraphs answers, 52 question thing for a family member to complete, same again full paragraph answers required, AQ50 Test, all assessed over a week before, then video call assessment/interview

Thanks @Mummiepig 💐

I’ve had a preliminary diagnosis and awaiting the full diagnosis which can take 2-3 years to get an appointment. Before the assessment I felt like I wanted to know if I had autism because it would answer a lot of questions. But after the assessment I felt like I don’t want to be labelled, and I’m scared because it goes on my medical record and will be used to judge me and my capabilities negatively. In any future contact I have with the authorities that diagnosis will be used to discriminate and judge me.

I also feel like I’m very functional and I’m being categorised with other autistic people who are non verbal etc, and I don’t feel like I belong there. I know they no longer diagnose Aspergers but I would have felt more comfortable being classed as that vs being told that I have the same condition as people who are profoundly disabled and clearly not like me - I have more in common with NTs than with profoundly disabled people.