Dealing with ableism

[Mrspepperpoi]

I'm autistic (only diagnosed 2 years ago) and along with that I also have numerous other health problems and am classed as disabled. I'm sad to say that the amount of people that haven't wanted to date me just because I'm disabled and unable to work is pretty high. Ordinarily I don't let it get me down but the past few days it is really getting in on me.

I think that triggered it even more is reading a thread on the relationships board where people say they would refuse to date someone who isn't working and some of the comments border on being cruel.

How do you not let things like this get you down? Sadly I have met so many people like this that it's hard to have hope anymore

I'm sorry to hear this. Would it help to look at it that you are basically weeding out the ableist arseholes, who are undoubtedly arseholes in other ways too, but someone who happened to be in employment etc. so ticked whatever 'boxes' these people have, might not discover that until much later on.

When you find someone, you will know it's you they want, not your money or the status of your job.

People are very picky, especially online where there are hundreds of options and they’re not invested in any of them. I can’t eat dairy and several people told me they couldn’t see themselves with someone who couldn’t order a pizza. At the time I was an attractive size 10 blonde in my 20s so their decision was purely based on me being unable to eat pizza. It’s madness. You will have far more luck getting to know people in person because someone is more willing to accept compromises if they already like you.

@BoardLikeAMirror I think this is a really good way of looking at things. If someone is sincere and genuinely likes a person for who they are, things like this won't be an issue

@Obira wow what a shallow person to treat you like that. You are right. I think a lot of people online are more likely to treat people like they are disposable which is pretty sad

I hope it's ok to reply. I'm NT but suffer badly with depression and anxiety and am currently unemployed. Before that I was a sahm for years as both kids are ND.

I read that thread. It was a bleak read. It upset me seeing how people viewed the unemployed - work shy, lazy etc.

I don't really have any comforting words. I've been single since divorcing 4 years ago. You aren't alone in feeling sad about it. The thread really made me think how fast to judge people are (I mean I already knew that having seen my kids judged so much but I didn't realise everyone judged me for being unemployed as well as being depressed). My ex judges me in that way but then he also doesn't really believe in depression either. He thinks you need to tell yourself not to be sad and not take medication. (Brilliant help😖)

I really hope you do find someone lovely though. Not everyone is that judgemental. These can be harsh boards sometimes.

I hope it’s ok to reply as I am NT, but I have a daughter who is neurodiverse.

She has Tourette’s and it’s quite sad just how misunderstood the condition is - there was a thread on here earlier about Tourette’s that has since been deleted and it made me so angry.

My DD views it that at least the arseholes are making themselves known before you invest too much time and effort into getting to know them.

She does have a lovely boyfriend, but is finding it impossible to get a job - she only wants a little part time job around college, is perfectly happy washing up in a pub or something, but it’s impossible.

It makes me sad and angry in equal measure, she deals with it a lot better than I do.

@Somanymistakes I'm so sorry that you found the thread so upsetting aswell. I saw so much ableism on there. Thankfully I think a few people complained about it as it seems to have been taken down

The feeling of being judged by those close to us is awful and it makes me sad and angry that people think that depression is something that can just be changed with a certain mindset. These people need to realise that we all have worth and value regardless of a job

@alloalloallo I think I saw that thread and I'm so glad that it got deleted aswell. These things really need to be called out. Your daughter is right about these people just weeding themselves out. We are all better off without people who are this mean and judgemental.
I'm so sorry that your daughter has found it so hard to get a job, sadly I can relate all too well.