Wondering if DH has autism

[Allaboutyou222]

Sorry if I get terminology wrong. I’ve been with DH 30 years he’s always been a bit quirky. He has Dyslexia. Poor social skills. Social anxiety. Finds it difficult to make friends. Had had the same 3 friends since childhood. He is set in his ways. Has a couple of subtle tics.

He used to drink too much which I think was a bit of coping with stress. He stopped drinking and had been alcohol free for 5 years. He finds basic things hard…driving somewhere new for example, doing things spontaneously.

I don’t want to diagnose him but reading about it, he does tick many boxes.

Is it possible to get a diagnosis in your 50s? What would the advantage be? Where would he start?

Difficult to say.

This board is always going to attract people who are wondering. And for that reason, it pisses some of us off that we get asked all the time. But that's because it's often due to negative language.

However... your DH's traits sound very similar to mine. And thank you for not mentioning anything negative in your post. It sounds like you want to help him and understand him.

To answer your question; yes, it's absolutely possible to be diagnosed in later life. I was diagnosed at 50. But does he recognise his struggles in life and does he want to pursue a diagnosis?

I was diagnosed at nearly 60. It's been so reassuring, though I grieve for the girl who blamed herself for manifestations of her ASD.

Oddly enough it was a MN post that made me realise I might have ASD.

And as far as the benefits of diagnosis goes. Well, Autism is a protected characteristic. So in that sense, it helps with employment rights and assists regarding PIP etc. It can also help a person understand who they are and why they have maybe felt different all their life.

It can also come as a shock, like any diagnosis. And by default, that person may actually become more detached as a result.

I think my main question would be - what does he need support with now, that a diagnosis will help him to receive? Does he think he's autistic or needs support, or are you just trying to understand him better with a listicle-style set of symptoms?

Getting an ASD diagnosis is a hard path with a huge waiting list, so you need to be committed, and there is no "cure" - all it really does is help you ask for support in the workplace, school, public settings like airports etc where you need it, which would be detailed in the assessment report.

I actually got really upset when I received my diagnosis (which was made during treatment for something else) - it reconfirmed all of the negative thoughts about myself and made me worry about how everyone must have noticed that I was different and struggling. It's not something I'd suggest to a relative, friend etc just from curiosity if they haven't mentioned it, or are otherwise happy and not needing to know (or support to do something with it).

Thank-you. I do want to help him. He has struggled all his life in many ways. He feels frustrated at life really. He does want help.

I will encourage him to go to GP.

Also good point about the protected characteristic. He has experienced workmates ridiculing his difficulty with change. An actual diagnosis would stop them taking the piss. At least openly.

@Allaboutyou222

Also good point about the protected characteristic. He has experienced workmates ridiculing his difficulty with change. An actual diagnosis would stop them taking the piss. At least openly.

A phone call to the GP can be such a relief just to get over that first hurdle.

The path to diagnosis can be long. However, due to the Pandemic, the NHS has outsourced. This means that they've been given extra funding to help with the backlog. Don't be afraid to ask about 'Right to choose' it can mean the difference between months and years regarding assessment.

Good luck to you both. You sound like a lovely, supportive person x

Thanks. That’s really helpful.

Heartfelt wishes to you both.

There should be no reason in this day and age whereby either of you go without support.

Does he think he may be autistic or want to go down the diagnosis route?

It is impossible to say whether or not he is autistic or not from your post.

The place to start the diagnostic pathway would be talking to his GP, taking a list of the traits that make you/ him suspect autism would be a good start.

Yes he does think he might be. I will encourage him to go to gp.

@Allaboutyou222

Yes he does think he might be. I will encourage him to go to gp.

That's good that he's willing to get help. I agree with pp's to make a list of issues and how they affect his everyday life, it makes it much easier to get a referral.

I would take a list to the GP of where he struggles with the three areas...social communication, routine and sensory.

Reasons why he needs a diagnosis. (Workmates taking the piss is one)

Also lookup the nice guidelines as my GP was not going to refer til I mentioned them.

It’s important to think of the future too. As people get older and have care needs, having a diagnosis can make a difference in the way medical professionals and care staff interpret “difficult behaviour”.

Thanks.

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

It’s important to think of the future too. As people get older and have care needs, having a diagnosis can make a difference in the way medical professionals and care staff interpret “difficult behaviour”.

someone in real life said this to me... onme of the reasons I went to get a diagnosis.