Do you understand/sense 'unofficial queuing etiquette'?

8 replies

BoardLikeAMirror · 02/03/2022 19:34

In a situation where there is no line of people, but people are arriving and milling around before, say, a bus arrives or something opens, are you able to read unspoken signals about who should go first?

I have no clue about this sort of thing and prefer an obvious line of people, ticketing system or whatever.

(this question is inspired by an AIBU thread about a 'bus pusher-in' but isn't intended to be a TAAT about that individual situation).

If it's not a 'silent language' you can understand, how do you deal with those situations?

I would just walk forward 'as it happened' and hope for the best but I am possibly causing mortal offence to NT people who are following a system to which I am oblivious.

OP posts:

ofwarren · 02/03/2022 19:38

I'm not sure what the unspoken signals are. If I'm at the bus stop I'll let people go in front of me if I saw they were there before me but I don't know if there are other rules.
I'm probably pushing in then and don't know it.

Percie · 02/03/2022 19:40

I get this, too. I generally stand back and see what everyone else is doing.

This morning I went to a different pharmacy and there was a tent thing outside to queue in. I watched the people ahead of me and it seemed to be one out, one in. When I got to the front a couple of people joined behind me. After a few minutes the person ahead of me still hadn't come out and the woman at the back told me to move forward because the pharmacist might not be able to see me. I panicked because I hadn't realised they needed to see me. Fortunately the person ahead of me came out then and she realised her mistake, but I hate the not being sure thing. Why they couldn't just put a sign up...

Original poster

BoardLikeAMirror · 02/03/2022 19:59

If there were only a couple of people there before me, I'd be OK, but in a larger group, if there was no 'reason' to where people were standing, I don't think I'd keep track of who was arriving when.

I came a cropper a couple of times in lockdown 1 when supermarkets changed their queuing practices to enforce social distancing and it wasn't obvious where queues were starting/leading to - had to be redirected (obviously I apologised and moved immediately). At the time I thought this was probably affecting everybody, but now I'm wondering whether the majority were in fact speaking a magical silent queue language and I was offending them all .

OP posts:

Obira · 03/03/2022 12:49

I always stand well back. Not because I’m unsure about queuing etiquette, but because I don’t want people standing too close to me. Also I dislike confrontation and if I do accidentally stand in the wrong place some people can be nasty, which triggers my anxiety and makes me feel scared in case they attack me. Standing back and waiting till last alleviates (most of) the possibility of me being attacked.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 03/03/2022 14:12

I read that thread, thought about commenting and retreated to this thread instead.

That’s happening to me a lot on MN recently.

I’m beginning to feel that a characteristic of NTs is an inability to imagine that anyone thinks or feels differently than themselves

I default to stepping forward, stopping and saying “after you” to the nearest person.

ofwarren · 03/03/2022 14:20

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

I read that thread, thought about commenting and retreated to this thread instead.

That’s happening to me a lot on MN recently.

I’m beginning to feel that a characteristic of NTs is an inability to imagine that anyone thinks or feels differently than themselves

I default to stepping forward, stopping and saying “after you” to the nearest person.

That's mainly how I do it too

Maflingo · 03/03/2022 14:28

If there is nothing obvious, then I think about the following and let them go first:
Anyone I know to be there before me
Anyone that looks like they might need more help/a seat more than I do
How many seats are left/how likely I am to get my preferred seat
If there is anyone who looks like they might want to have a fight about it!
How desperate I am for the thing

ofwarren · 03/03/2022 14:34

Leaving the house is a bloody minefield isn't it.
Having to try and remember all those things and also what position your face is in when you are talking to someone, where your eyes are facing, what you are doing with your hands, making sure you aren't doing anything weird with your body like swaying or rocking.
Not to mention all the sounds and disorientating lights.
Most NTs don't realise how utterly exhausting it is.

Flip