ND parents-how do you cope?

I hear you.

I feel really guilty. I also have a rare illness so it made me feel worse. I have a limited diet due to allergies, and my DDs Dad has just said that she is now avoiding the foods I can't eat. He feels like she is standing in solidarity with me regarding my allergies. This is just making things even more difficult for me. Because I know she isn't doing this. But because he only sees her for a few hours a week, this is the conclusion he's come to. My DD is now being assessed for Autism. I haven't told him about this. Because again, I feel he will likely 'blame' me.

In regard to managing your current situation, I book us tickets to the cinema at quiet times and a choose the front row. Nobody likes the front row, thus I manage to avoid people being near me. I order takeaways for us via Just Eat and similar so she feels like she's having a treat, but I don't have the stress of dealing with people direct or going to a restaurant

Do you mean that your NT child is bringing friends home? I absolutely HATE having people in the house so would be in a right mess.
My ASD teen is actually quite outgoing and when he was about 15 he brought home a girlfriend. I used to be so stressed when she was here. I felt attacked, like a stranger was in my bedroom rather than just in the house. I used to have to go out because I couldn't handle it.

I've no advice because I seriously cannot cope in this situation.

I built up a framework that allowed them to socialise, but didn't require me to do much more than giving lifts in my car. His friends did used to come round the house and stay, but I didn't perceive them as a threat the way I do with adults.

The alone time is so important.

Could you stipulate no guests (or family only) on particular days?

I'm thankful that DD is like both myself and DH and home is a sanctuary away from the outside world so over the years she rarely brought friends over and sleepovers were at the friends house 99% of the time. She does, however, have a boyfriend who stays over sometimes which I don't mind because they literally just spend the whole time in her room or they go out for the day so it's not so bad.

Something I do struggle with is her not being as logical as me so when something happens and my brain goes into automatic this is the logical way of looking at it/dealing with it I get quite frustrated that she has more of an emotional response and I don't deal well with emotions so DH steps in for that.

OP can you have some rules about having friends over? DD's boyfriend started coming over almost every day a few months ago and I said it was too much, he's only allowed to stay over 1 night every other weekend and visit no more than 2 times a week (she's free to go over to his whenever she wants). Maybe just explain that it's too overwhelming for you so can he agree to just have friends over on a certain day but he's welcome to go to his friends house whenever he wants.

What time does your DS go to bed? Alone time is so important. Is there anything that your can change about your routine to enable you to get more alone time?

I never planned to work as much as I do but I find working less stressful than looking after my second DS. My first DS is a slow processor like me so we are compatible. My second is a live wire and I just can't keep up with him.