How to be kinder to yourself and not compare your life to others

[rosequartz8]

This is something that I really really struggle with. I end up being my own worst critic so often and just feeling like I come up short. I had to come off social media because that was just making things so much worse

Apart from ADHD, I have a host of disabilities that have really limited me. I find myself constantly comparing my life to people I know. I have always struggled with friendships and all around me i seem to see people who can socialise effortlessly. Sometimes it feels like I'm just existing. I used to actually be somewhat sociable, but after being burned and rejected so much, it's like I am terrified of getting hurt again.

I know I am trying to do the best I can but it can be all so lonely sometimes and I feel that nobody really understands. How do you manage to be kind to yourself?

This is such a tough one for me too. I have had to tell myself that I'm on my own journey in life, I no longer try to fit myself into a neurotypical narrative or beat myself up for being neurodiverse because it's the way that I am and I try to be gentle on myself and realise my own good qualities

It's like running in a race carrying a rucksack full of bricks wearing big boots, compared to those in running kit.

I'm ASD not ADHD but I just totally stopped looking for approval from others and I try to practice self care as often as possible.
I like following the autistic advocates on Instagram and YouTube and they are very ND positive and it's uplifting.

This is hard. I deleted Facebook and I don’t go on Instagram either. I like to do social activities organised around something like a hobby as then there is less chance of rejection or anything - it’s more about the activity. My interests/hyperfixations are always a comfort to me and I feel lucky that I can be so into things! I think sometimes the answer to being kind to yourself is about actions first rather than feelings - literally do nice things for yourself even if you don’t feel you deserve them and the feelings of self worth actually follow.

I think sometimes the answer to being kind to yourself is about actions first rather than feelings - literally do nice things for yourself even if you don’t feel you deserve them and the feelings of self worth actually follow.
Thanks for this!

I don’t think this is going to come out quite right but I’m going to try anyway.

A good while ago I started taking a hard look at the things that I thought I should want, and really analysed whether I (the actual me rather than fantasy high-performing me) even wanted or enjoyed those things at all.

I feel really bad that I’ve wasted my potential, my education, that I don’t have more friends, a great social life, an amazing career, etc.

But also I like having a low dress lifestyle, I enjoy being cosy at home and not having to go out, I feel exhausted every time I do.

The more I leaned in to enjoying parts of my life that somehow I felt I shouldn’t the more I found. I collected dd from a play date in an enormous house that was beautiful and amazing but my house felt cozier when I got home. I didn’t have a huge playroom in the basement and a laundry room in the basement but I could chat with my dc while I was ironing, because our playroom is a nook off the kitchen.

My house isn’t in the poshest neighbourhood but the school is a 5 minute walk away across green areas instead of a car ride.

I suppose you could say I’ve given up and I’m leaning into mediocrity (and that’s probably true) and it’s probably terrible advice.

Every so often I succumb to checking up on the careers of college/school friends and I feel like shit for a while but then I notice that I’m actually very happy when I’m living my life instead of comparing it.

That’s lovely lady Cordelia.

That's brilliant Cordelia. You will be happier for it probably than those striving for the must have this...

Often I think I am richer than last ads of mners. Despite having less income. Because I value what I have.

(Ok so I need to do up the flat...)

Loads of.

FFS. Fat fingers