Asking the right question

[MontgomeryHawka]

I get infuriated when people ask a question but the answer to the question is not the information they want/need.

I’m currently in hospital with DS who just had surgery. They ask him “Do you want some painkillers?” Each time he responds with “no” because he doesn’t. The question they should be asking is “Are you in pain?” Then he would say “yes” because he is. I know he is in pain, I’m glad I’m able to stay with him all the time because his needs wouldn’t be met if I wasn’t here.

I do feel that HCP need better training on communicating with autistic people. It’s gonna be a long night.

Oh yes, I hear you.

I really worry about how ds will cope when he’s older.

I hope whatever is wrong can be sorted quickly.

Yeah, DS only answers exactly what he is asked and never volunteers additional information. Which isn’t too much of an issue if you ask the right question.

For example ‘Do you know where X item is?’ Would either be a yes or no answer, but really the question should be ‘Where is X?’ Then the answer would either be I don’t know or the location of said item. Simple.

‘What would you like for lunch?’ Will always be answered with ‘McDonald’s’ even if you say ‘No McDonald’s today, what would you like for lunch?’ The answer is still McDonald’s because that’s what he would like.

I looked really silly at work a few weeks back because someone asked me ‘How would I do X?’ I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know how they would choose to do it. Of course I realised a second too late they actually meant to ask ‘How would you do X?’ Then I would’ve told them what I would’ve done in that situation.

I dread hospitals with ds. He finds the waiting unbearable (investigating the possibility of adhd as well his asd), and then masks so well that his pain tolerance shoots up.

I’m not even exaggerating to say that without me advocating, broken bones get missed.

I bring my own “rate your pain” scale with emoji faces as he scores himself much higher than on a numerical scale where 0 is none, 2 is a broken bone and a 7 is Prometheus being eternally punished by Zeus.

They never check how you calibrate those scales - just act as if they’re the same for everyone.

Hope you’re getting some sleep by now

Oh don’t get me started. I hate it. The DC hate it.

Both their father and stepfather are Scottish, though, (Im English & we are Londoners) and so both phrase things that way as part of their natural vernacular. Which always causes confusion.

To make it worse, after 20 years of this marital brainwashing, there’s the odd thing I now sometimes say in the Scottish way (“The dog needs washed”, “Do you want to get me a…?”) which sounds stupid in my accent, and makes the DC look askance and give me a very literal response.