Has a diagnosis been helpful to you?

[Lookingforatimeslip]

I’m considering whether to go for a private diagnosis. I have two children who are autistic and it’s made me question my original diagnosis of borderline personality disorder from 10 years ago. Part of me feels like I want it confirmed, the other part wonders if it would change anything for me.

It was super helpful for me. Mostly because I am kinder to myself, and allow myself to not mask at the detriment of myself, so for example if I am struggling I will now let myself rest. Previously I would push myself through it, beat myself up mentally for being lazy/ forgetful/ whatever, and then collapse in a heap at the end of it burnt out and unable to function. Now I kno wthat there is a 'reason' and I need to take time etc.

It helps you to understand yourself and provides answers as to why you've struggled all your life.

I found my diagnosis really positive.

In the words of Hannah Gadsby, it was though I'd be handed the keys to the city of me - exactly how I felt!

Finally, I had answers about how I behave, my thought processes and why I carried a lifelong mark as being a socially awkward weirdo.

My diagnosis allowed me to give myself a break, stop being so hard on myself, stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It's never going to happen and the diagnosis gave me a reason to accept that.

I'm much kinder to myself now. And I'm better at articulating my 'challenges'. The diagnosis also affords reasonable adjustments at work which is a big bonus if I had a manager who did their job properly, but that's a whole 'nother story

Changed my life.

I found I had so much more space in my brain to deal with the actual challenges of autism when I didn’t spend half my energy berating myself for social faux pas’ or for being tired/sensitive etc. Kinder to myself sums it up! I was able to have more energy to deal with actual issues.

I also asked for and got reasonable adjustments at work, which lead to me going from someone who was just scraping by to 3 x promotions over a few years and a significantly higher salary!

I am now openly autistic which reduces the need for masking, makes me be myself and therefore realise people actually like my true self. Again, less brain energy wasted and self esteem grown!

Wouldn’t have kept my job without it.

Absolutely and completely life changing.

But in a way that changes nothing at all.

Yes. I now understand who I’ve always felt a bit other. Why I didn’t get the grades I knew I was capable of.
Im kinder to myself
Some of the same challenges are still there but I understand them a bit more.
I feel like I’ve sort of relaxed into myself if that makes sense

If you’ve declared a diagnosed disability like autism you’ll find that employers and people in general are a lot kinder. It seems to flip a switch in people’s minds - whereas before they’d happily be nasty and bully you, now it’s “discrimination” so they think twice.

Does it affect things like costs of travel/life insurance? Declaring it to the DVLA? etc...

@Orangeon I am fully independent and have no care needs, and it didn't make a difference to my families travel insurance- the insurance company asked if I had ever had to cut travel short because of it and if I lived independently. My kids diagnoses didn't make a difference either- it may well do if someone's care needs are higher than ours as a family.
In regards to the DVLA, there was a short period of time a few years ago where the DVLA website messed up and said that autism was a declarable condition and stopped people driving, but that was a mistake of the website rather than policy. I don't have life insurance so can't comment on that one.

I think the only reason I’d be doing it would be to have someone else clarify it for me and be told yes you are. I’m independent (live with DH, have kids, hold down a job). My main issues are I’m quite anxious in general and socially. I’m also not particularly affectionate though I am to the kids and in general introverted as a person. I wonder if putting myself through an assessment would help as I think I mask a lot and I’m not sure I could drop the mask for an assessment. The day to day stuff I don’t think it would make a difference.

Yes absolutely. It helped me confirm why I've struggled all my life and had all my issues. It is one of the best things I've done for myself personally.