Tips for a new mum with ADHD

[GrowBabyGrow]

I hope this is the right place to post! I'm expecting my first baby and I have ADHD. I'm a bit worried about how I'll cope with a new baby, especially with routine as I struggle a lot with routine (ie I just can't stick to one). I also worry about keeping on top of the house and looking after a new baby. I get sensory overwhelm as well with lots of noise.

My DH is absolutely amazing and I know he will be a huge help but I was wondering if there are any tips/ products that other ADHD mums would recommend or things you wish you had/ knew when you were a FTM?

I’d say watch out for hyperfocusing on anxieties.

Be kind to yourself

Check out A Slob Comes Clean for managing the house - super realistic and teaches you the basics to focus on. Be prepared to lower your standards massively.

Make it extremely clear to your partner that you getting as much sleep as possible (I won’t say enough) is a priority and that he has to step up.

You can do this!

About the routine - throw out the books and your baby will show you the routine. And you’ll only be trained in when it will change again anyway because of teething, weaning or dropping a nap. People talk about routine because they like the illusion that they’re in control when actually it’s more like a white knuckle ride (and we’re wired for that)

It's difficult because we don't know which areas you struggle in specifically. I'm adhd, but I found it quite straightforward to set a routine because I like routines. I could also organise feeds, laundry, tidying etc. because I like to be busy and active.

I would try to keep things simple and not over complicate things by worrying about lots of equipment and stuff. I did cold water sterilising because it was easy. Plastic backed bibs are good because they keep the baby's clothes dry if it dribbles. If you're going to breastfeed then the baby will pretty much set your routine for you and you'll just be led by them. You don't need lots of baby clothes, just stick them in a nappy, vest and baby gro for ease. Cardigan on top if it's cold. Don't feel you need to dress them in little clothes every day. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not dressing them, as long as they're clean then it's fine. Clothing is often restrictive and uncomfortable anyway.

A sling might come in useful so you can move around the house and go outside without being hampered by the baby wanting to be picked up.

I put mine down to sleep on a real sheepskin fleece - they were winter babies - as it's good for their neurological systems and helps to calm them. You can use them year round, but don't overdress obviously.

Don't be afraid to use a dummy. It helps to keep their airways open when they're asleep. They're easy to wean off when they're older.

Online shopping will obviously come in handy so make sure you have an account set up ready if you haven't yet got one. If you formula feed make sure you don't run out of formula - get lots in once they're settled on a particular type.

Order in some easy to prepare food or even ready meals. The first few weeks are quite tiring and it's a chore having to prepare food.

Make sure you have lots of healthy snacks and drinks in so you can keep your energy up.

Biodegradable cleaning wipes are handy for quick clean ups, spills etc. Spray cleaner and kitchen roll is quicker and easier than cleaning with a wet sponge.

Do any necessary jobs like repairs or cleaning the oven, windows etc. before the baby comes.

I found Colief drops to be a massive help for infant colic.

Keep everything together in a plastic box - nappies, wipes, bum cream, thermometer, wash stuff, bibs etc. so you're not searching everywhere for things.

Which areas might you struggle with?

Thank you everyone! These tips are already really helpful. @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation, one of the main things I am most worried I will struggle with task paralysis (and do struggle with in my day to day normally) When there is so much to do and all these things to think about with the new baby I worry I won't know where to begin and that it would be heightened by lack of sleep, stress, hormones etc

The other big thing I think I will struggle with is also follow through. My ADHD type is innattentive so I can see myself starting a task while they are asleep and then getting distracted by baby and then 5 hours later its still not done. I wonder if part of that though is just being kind to myself and realising that might happen, but if baby is safe and cared for, a half unloaded dishwasher or half cleaned bathroom is less of an issue?

Just try to prioritise. Obviously you and the baby come first, a half done bathroom doesn't matter.

Could you do something like have magnetic task stickers for the fridge then have one side as a to do and move them over to the other side once they're completed?

Have a look on the app store for adhd apps which might help you keep track.

Don't forget that your hormones and motherly instincts will help give you some drive and motivation. You're not going to neglect the baby because of your adhd.

I know laundry can be tricky for people who have adhd.
What I find useful for laundry is to wash the clothing then put everything onto hangers and then onto a rail to dry. Undies go onto a plastic clothes horse. Once stuff is dry, just hang straight into the wardrobe or take off hanger and fold up. No ironing to do. It saves faffing around with piles of clothing everywhere. I even hang towels on those trouser clip hangers and hang them up alongside the clothing. This method is the least effort I've found when it comes to laundry.

Take photos of any letters you receive - like for vaccinations, health checks etc. Put appointments into your phone diary as soon as you read the letter. I like Google Keep Notes for keeping letters or info - you just attach the photo. It means you're not having to keep track of loads of paperwork.

I have my bankcard details stored on GooglePay so I don't have to carry a purse or bankcard now, just my phone.

When I had my babies I had a rucksack with all their stuff in - nappies, nappy sacks, wipes, cream, spare baby gro, calpol etc. so I could just grab it and go out without worrying about what I needed. A towel will do as a changing mat when out and about.

I hear you on the paralysis! I was terrified that I would shut down and not be able to feed or change the baby.

The instincts are very strong. I don’t think I realised how powerful until I watched parent birds frantically flying back and forth feeding their squawking chicks and it dawned on me that a lot of what we do as new mums is actually out of our control.

We like to think that we’re motivated by higher things but that base instinct to ease our offsprings distress at all costs is so powerful (it can get you out of bed every two hours!)

I won’t lie - there were a LOT of half finished tasks. But you’ve already figured the answer to that one! Be kind to yourself and realistic.

@GrowBabyGrow

Thank you everyone! These tips are already really helpful. *@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation*, one of the main things I am most worried I will struggle with task paralysis (and do struggle with in my day to day normally) When there is so much to do and all these things to think about with the new baby I worry I won't know where to begin and that it would be heightened by lack of sleep, stress, hormones etc

The other big thing I think I will struggle with is also follow through. My ADHD type is innattentive so I can see myself starting a task while they are asleep and then getting distracted by baby and then 5 hours later its still not done. I wonder if part of that though is just being kind to myself and realising that might happen, but if baby is safe and cared for, a half unloaded dishwasher or half cleaned bathroom is less of an issue?

You're not being distracted by the baby, you're looking after the baby. That's the priority here. I would think 99% of new parents leaving dishwashers half emptied etc if the baby needs or wants them? I'd be more worried if you thought you might prioritise unloading the dishwasher over a hungry baby - honestly you will be fine!