Being "firm" as a parent

[RocketAndAFuckingMelon]

I'm autistic, so is my 7yo. My ASD has given me some good parenting skills when it comes to things like helping her through sensory overload or incoming meltdown. However, she's begun to challenge me just for the hell of it (I suppose in the way that NT children do at a younger age). She doesn't have a PDA profile, she does respond well to boundaries. However I am not a particularly authoritative person, I am allergic to conflict, and I don't have a script for this. Anyone got a script to lend me?

Look for 124 Magic by Tom Phelan. It worked for my adhd/pda profile ds1. I was naturally quite a strict parent due to ds' difficulties, but had no advice or support, so it was a struggle.

The above book provides a brilliant framework and is very easy to read and digest. I totally recommend it.

Sorry, 123Magic 🤦‍♀️

124 must be the next one in the series!

7 year old NT children are also hell if I remember correctly from the playground. Something to do with a hormone surge.

Choices. Two ways to get to your desired destination. (Having said that there was some picking up and carrying out in violent meltdowns so not the best to advise.)

Good luck.

(Ps my teen who was practising to be a teen from age 7 has actually improved now he is a teen)

Thanks both! I will have a look for 1-2-3 magic. Choices work when she is in the right mood!

I used to emulate Supernanny's voice tone and general demeanour as well. Bossy, firm but fair and not be prepared to back down. Children need to learn to respect parents, teachers etc. otherwise you end up raising a tyrant. Children need a framework and boundaries and that helps them feel secure and supported.

Give the child options. This is what I do with my 9yo.

Example:
If my son was kicking the door I'd say: "You can either continue to kick the door and have your tablet taken away, or you can come and blow bubbles with me".

If my son refuses to brush his teeth: "You can either continue to not brush your teeth and end up on the thinking step, or you can brush your teeth now and then you can have 20 minutes extra of watching YouTube".

Make being good more appealing than doing the disliked behaviour.

For my 10yo that wouldn't work. For him we have to make a picture schedule so he knows what is expected of him.