Do you like surprises?

[ofwarren]

Disclaimer
This is the neurodiverse mumsnetters board so I'm looking for responses from other ND women

I absolutely HATE surprises!
If someone was to arrange a surprise party for me, I would run out in tears and seriously meltdown.

This hate of surprises also extends to being given gifts. I can't stand having to open presents in front of people and the expectations they have of me to respond to the gift in an NT appropriate way. It causes so much anxiety. Even as a child I took my Christmas presents into another room to open.

Anyone else relate?

I love them.

But then I'm ADD so even things I've agreed to can be surprising.

@Susu49

I love them.

But then I'm ADD so even things I've agreed to can be surprising.

It always interests me how ASD and ADD/ADHD women can be so similar in certain ways but then be polar opposites in others

No.

I don't mind a minimal surprise eg ask for Cadburys' chocolate and get a surprise about which variety from a small choice.

Can't think of anything worse than a surprise party.

No! No! No! Everything must be pre-warned. This is totally outing but even sex with my husband has to be pre-booked. Wrapped presents are given straight back. If cold callers come to my door, I open my window and bark at them until they leave.

We are a no surprise household. We show each other the presents we're going to get at birthdays/Christmas and I knew when he was going to propose to me, where, with what ring etc. Hate surprises!

@duvetdayforeveryone

No! No! No! Everything must be pre-warned. This is totally outing but even sex with my husband has to be pre-booked. Wrapped presents are given straight back. If cold callers come to my door, I open my window and bark at them until they leave.

I'm the same with sex!
I have to be prepared. I hate spontaneity.

Surprise presents would be ok but a surprise party would result in meltdown.

If somebody surprised me with a cup of tea, a lie down, cat videos on YouTube and then tidied the house for me I'd be in heaven.

A surprise party or trip? Um, no thanks 😵‍💫

we have started letting ds choose his main presents (with a little surprise as well) and he often gets them before Christmas. It really helps him regulate his emotions better. surprising that I still feel a bit of guilt about the should of NT Christmas celebrations.

little surprise. things I know he wants and not the main present.

and twice I have wrapped up a football, so that really is no surprise...

Hate them. Always have. DH (who is also neurodiverse) laughs that I am happiest when I know exactly what I'll be doing every day for the next five years. I remember being very envious of a uni friend who went on to be an opera director as she had her diary mapped out five years in advance.

I get twitchy when DH buys surprise Christmas presents for DC. I only want to buy from their lists.

Thank you for starting this thread. I never knew it was a thing. My sister thinks I'm weird because I have an itinerary for every day of a holiday. She literally packs some bags, goes to the airport and picks a random flight, booking hotels on arrival. I know I'd be so stressed and miserable by then I would melt down.

No.
Secret Santa at work is horrible! I feel that I should do it because I'll look a misery if I don't. Standing and opening in front of each other is awful and feels me with dread.
I dont mind little surprises from DH because he gets me things I've said I'd like and is very good at that. Also don't mind from DM either.
Surprises parties or trips are a big no!

I have also been stung with 'joke' presents in public.
As the saying goes, it's only a joke when everyone is laughing!

Christmas became about a hundred times more enjoyable once we realised that ensuring both children knew ahead of the holidays what they would be getting. The stress and meltdowns before then we're just unbelievable.

It's a shame no-one thinks to extend that courtesy to me

I have been known to check DH's emails from about December 20th so I'm less stressed
I really genuinely would rather not have presents at all, as you say @ofwarren.

For my birthday last year my husband got me 5 different presents. He sat there and watched while I opened 5 pairs of shoes/boots he bought for me.
He knows that I hate shoes and I hate presents....I cried

He said he bought lots of different pairs to try and find some that I actually will wear. I do actually wear 2 of them, one is wellies which I wore before hand anyway and the other is a really wide pair of Chelsea boots which I sometimes wear.
The others I don't wear at all.

I understand what he tried to do but I hated it so much.

@ofwarren Every year my DH buys me the same present: lots of the best quality toilet paper

This was the best gift in December 2019 as come March 2020 during the toilet paper shortage I was fine as I still had toilet paper left over from my birthday

In a word, no! They make me anxious. If I am even just going to do the shopping I plan ahead.

It depends on the surprise. A surprise party I would hate. I do like giving and receiving presents though (at Christmas, not just randomly, I'd find that hard).

Nope I hate surprises in any form. My actual nemesis is secret santa. FUCK THAT it's my worst nightmare, choosing a gift for someone I don't know, stress, stress, stress. Receiving a present from someone who may be trying to humiliate me, absolutely fucking not.

I don’t really like surprises, especially when it comes to presents for birthdays or Christmas, although my friend got me a lovely gift for my birthday last week as he know what my special interests are, my family don’t seem to have any idea what I like and buy me things I have no interest in despite me dropping hints all year.

I don’t think I would like anyone planning a surprise for me as in a trip out somewhere or a meal in a restaurant I haven’t chosen. I like to have time to prepare.

I wanted to find out out the sex of my children, turned out due to hospital politics I never could, didn't have private scans cos poor, those were probably the only surprises that were good.

Adhd. Love the idea of surprises but they very rarely are actual surprises, or they're all wrong. I can't explain that very well, except that surprises are usually disappointing. So the idea of surprises is much better than the actual things