Reactionary emails

[JS87]

Hi
I’m NT but my DH was diagnosed ASD a few years ago. Does anyone have any tips for how to stop him sending reactionary emails when angry to work colleagues?
Stress builds up and up until it explodes in anger.
I don’t want to get into discussion about whether he should be working or not as that is a whole other story but looking for any tips. He uses internet Mail so not easy to set a time delay on emails.

Get him to right it but send it to himself?

Though even that's not great if IT can see his emails

When I feel like that I just have to step away and make myself 'sleep on it' - I'm usually calmer the following day.

I have autism and work in a global organisation at director level (just to give you some context).

I have a post-it in to my line of sight in my home office which reads, in caps, 'never send an email in anger'.

I also have a remote work buddy that I will run things past to 'translate for the hard of thinking', as we put it.

These suggestions are light-hearted (but useful - to me, anyway!), but you should encourage your husband to develop some coping mechanisms or similar, as one day, he may send a reactionary email to the wrong person and it won't end well (I speak from experience here).

ND is an understanding of why we are how we are: it's not carte blanche to be an arsehole. Nobody likes an arsehole.

@PolkaSpace

Though even that's not great if IT can see his emails

I work in IT.

Assuming they don't contain reference to anything dodgy or potentially unlawful, we don't read each and every one of your emails. Don't worry.

Draft the email but don't send it for 30 mins at least and then review it- rather than hitting reply start a new email just in case so it can't accidentally be sent.

Handwrite the first response and get everything out and then write the email.

If someone trusted in his team then ask them to read over it before sending.

If something sensory helps calm and collect thoughts then make sure to have one- stress ball, lighting, something to chew or whatever.

Invent a code for the sake of diplomacy. For every angry succinct sentence write a more diplomatic euphemistic alternative. For every negative descriptor write a more diplomatic alternative. Put it in a phrase book - to use and reuse as he sees fit. Look at it just like another language - corporate speak.

I too have a 'post it' reminder in my line of sight not to send emails in anger. I also have an autism mentor/buddy who is on hand if needed.

I have trained myself to not press send immediately!

I always draft my response and then I will move away, make a cup of tea, think about what I've typed out and ask for advice if needed.

My manager is a complete fuckwit. My most recent email to her was in my draft folder for 3 days and read by 2 people before I pressed send.

I'd liked to have replied 'ODFOD' but I want to keep my job 🤣🤣🤣

@AffIt no but the filter might catch it

@Clarice99

I'd liked to have replied 'ODFOD' but I want to keep my job 🤣🤣🤣

It’s just a case of training yourself to wait before sending an email, re-read it and rephrase politely. Although that still doesn’t help sometimes. In the past I’ve spent ages phrasing a message extremely politely and the NT recipient has still kicked off because I haven’t expressed the appropriate emotion. E.g. I’ve said “I will be unable to attend” when the NT person wanted to hear “I’m really disappointed but sadly I can’t attend, I look forward to rescheduling soon”.

Whenever I am angry about something I always sleep on it before replying.

I sometimes get a colleague or DH to double check it before I press send.

I'm very direct at the best of times!