ADHD paralysis - Accountability-buddies thread!

[YouCantTourniquetTheTaint]

Hi, I have ADHD and am currently in a state of ADHD paralysis, I have loads to do, yet I can't start anything. I know it's because there is too much to do and I need to start on a small task, but I just can't do it.

I've written everything on my whiteboard as main quests and side quests, but I'm just stuck. I'm so frustrated with myself, but it's like a mental wall I can't get through, it's feeding my anxiety, and I just feel like crying.

I am medicated, I take 54mg of Xaggitin XL daily, but it's not helping me with the inattentiveness of my ADHD, sure it reduces the hyperactivity, but the engaging brain doing the task thing is still shit.

Can someone come round and stick a rocket up my arse? Please?

Go and do one of the tasks for five minutes only then stop. Force yourself through it, it's only five minutes.

Put on a song your enjoy that only lasts 2-3mins and do one of the smaller tasks. Tell yourself you only have to work while the song is playing. This trick helps me sometime to get started and I find once I'm in the task, the relief of getting actually getting something done motivates me to keep going. However no stress if you do end up stopping after the song ends. Give yourself mental credit for having started a thread on MN about it and actually gotten out of paralysis 😄

This definitely might not work, but it’s another angle, so worth a try.

Is there any task on the list that, if it really comes down to it, you could just decide to not do? As in, never. I did that today when my list was just not happening. I realised there was a task which on the one hand it would be good to do but at the end of the day if it never happened it wouldn’t actually matter. And the beauty is that now that task is gone, I won’t probably even remember it existed by tomorrow.

There's some good tips here, thank you for taking the time to comment.

So I put a load of washing on!! It wasn't too painful, so I did something on my list! I feel like I climbed a mountain.

I like the idea of just not doing things that aren't really important, and crossing them off my board, I'll have a look at that and see if I can cross off some of the things that can just be left.

I do have some big jobs, like updating my CV, and proving to my work coach at the job centre that I have done 20 hrs a week of job hunting 😖 that's going to be difficult as I usually put my CV out and get jobs sent to me, as I am a temp, because I do really well in a job for the first 3 months, then I lose interest and start fucking up, small mistakes, which snowballs into my RSD, and I either quit or get fired

I've been signed off work since last January, because I had a breakdown after knowing I was going to lose my job for what I know now is ADHD, I just completely withdrew, and ended up crying screaming in my mums arms why am I like this, why have I lost every job I ever had, why is always the same issues, why is life so fucking hard, I nearly unalived myself because I thought there was no answer, no help, just me as a fuck up of a human. Whilst I was depressed and anxious, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a video of a woman my age, describing ADHD and how it affected her, and it was a light bulb moment, she was describing me, and I did more research, found out that women are less likely to be diagnosed, and all that shit. Then the cost of a society where ADHD in women is ignored, and it all fit into place. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist and he disagreed and sent me to the CBT team I then found out about right to choose, and wrote a 3 page letter to my Dr, and thankfully he agreed. I was diagnosed in August and started meds a few weeks ago.

Sorry for the War and Peace length of this post

The other big job is catching up on about 6 weeks of work with the OU for my degree, I'm kinda stuck there because I handed in my last assignment 9 days ago but haven't had it back, so I'm almost waiting for my mark before I can study. 😬 I think I might just study for the next assignment, hand it in, and then try and catch up with the Reading 🤔

Can I make this thread an accountability thread? So update it when I've done something? Or would that be irritating?

Oh shit that was a hell of a longer than I thought, I do apologise

I'm doing this today. I have so much work to do and I am just getting more and more behind but I just cannot for the life of me actually DO it.

Not sure I can offer much help but you are not alone.

Well done for persisting and getting your ADHD diagnosis. Not easy.

What’s your degree in?

@Dontknownow86 I know that feeling all too well, you know what you have to do, you know you can do it, but your brain becomes an obstinatemmm fuck and your hands and laptop become magnets that repell each other. Please be kind to yourself, and I hope you have a better day today

@ShiftingSands21 thank you, no it wasn't easy to get over that first step, the appointment with the psychologist didn't go well, I said I wanted to talk about ADHD I'd literally only found out about it the week before. He said at the end, so whatever. Then it was just the usual questions, why are you depressed, are you going to hurt yourself, yadda yadda yada, I'll refer you to CBT I then I spoke about ADHD, he said oh you'll need loads of appointments and brain scans, I said great bring it on. He then said "everyone's a little ADHD" oof . This is where the 3 page letter, in font size 9, comes in, it was a detailed account of proof of symptoms since I was a child, into adulthood to today, along with 2 different online assessments, all pointing to inattentive ADHD. My Dr, said yeah great kI believe you, I'll refer you to P-UK, that was in March, I had my assessment in August and was diagnosed with combined ADHD. I cried a lot about the life I could have had, the opportunities I could have had, I grieved. It took me a while to come to terms with it. Now I'm in titration, I don't think these meds are helping me, so I'm going to ask to change, especially when I have PMT, it's like I'm wading through treacle, I'm dopey as fuck and am rendered useless. Anyway..

I'm studying Criminology and Law, I'm good at the law part but I'm shit an the criminology part, there is just too much information and you don't get to any context or historiography to why certain beliefs were prevalent 200 years ago. I'm 6 weeks behind, so I think I'm at the point where I'm going to study to the test and just skim the textbooks and website thankfully my last exam is a seen question, so I'll get 6 weeks to plan my answers not the way I hoped this course would go, but I want it over and done with now.

Have you talked to your college?

Third level education settings are some of the best places you can possibly be with ND needs.

They want to get you through. Talk to them. See what accommodations are available. Explain that you’re recently diagnosed and struggling through titration.

Aside from your to do list, you have a huge amount going on. No wonder it’s a struggle. We need a lot of mental/emotional energy to power through tasks and you are dealing with all this as well. You batteries are nearly empty. So be kind to yourself.

Being kind to ourselves doesn’t come naturally. I’ve spent years screaming in my ear about how shit I am because it gets me moving and gets things done

Problem is, by being kind, I’ve taken one of my key get-moving strategies away.

One that helps me a lot is to look at my to do list and figure out what the smallest amount of a task I could do and just do that.

Sometimes the momentum gets me doing more but I have permission to stop after the small bit and at least it’s a bit better.

How To ADHD is a good YouTube channel run by a young woman with adhd. There's lots of helpful information, insight and tips on how to cope with being adhd.

@YouCantTourniquetTheTaint so much of your story is so reminiscent of what I’ve gone through! Ugh I can’t even begin because I’ll get too angry. I’m so angry on your behalf.

But Law and Criminology sounds fascinating. Though I hear what you’re saying about the criminology part. I did and OU degree in psychology (it took some time, many extensions, a lot of tears and it dragged towards the end but I’m proud I did it) and right now I’m trying to dive back into my last year of a degree in songwriting after a long break which seems a bit insurmountable.

Love the accountability buddies idea.

@deeplyrooted thank you, I spoke to someone on a different thread and they've encouraged me to contact my tutor and student support, basically I need a plan, I need to know what I should study to pass my assessments, because there's just too much information, and I can't retain it, so if I can kind of shave it down, and leave out things I don't need that'll be jobs a gooden.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation thank you, I will check it out, hopefully it'll help, anything to get out of this paralysis would be great.

@ShiftingSands21 ugh I'm sorry your story is similar to mine, the average age of a woman being diagnosed with ADHD is between 34-40 that is just disgusting and needs changing, we need to catch these girls because they don't meet their potential, lives are ruined, lives are lost. There needs to be robust support and education for teachers and Dr's, l really believe this.

I changed the thread into an Accountability - buddy thread, got a task you dont want to do, come on here and we will cheer you on and try and make you do it.

Today I will:
Have a nap because I haven't slept yet,
Email my uni over my backlog of tasks
Put my DSA form in an envelope with a hand written letter and write the address.
Update my CV.

These are all little things I can do, I'm going to try and get some sleep, I hope everyone stays safe in the storm, and has a great day

How did you get on today?

I find with dull tasks like cleaning and laundry that I need to listen to a podcast or book to keep my brain busy, preferably played at x2 speed.

I’m currently listening to a lot of Tracy Otsuka’s “Adhd for smart ass women” and her relentless positivity is rubbing off on me.

I have ADHD and I have found the Todoist app (I just use the free version) really helpful. Basically the only thing that motivates me is to hyper focus on clearing my to-do list, so I stack up things on there and then try to cross off as much as I can in a race with myself healthy, no? But if this source of motivation weren’t there my life would be much less functional so I’ll take it! I sometimes put cheat-y tasks on there that I can cross off right away (brush hair) and if it’s a big thing (like your cv thing) I might break it down to stages like 1. Check formatting of Cv and check it opens ok. 2. Update dates. Etc. Not sure if any of that’s helpful…

@deeplyrooted I actually had a bad day in the end, there was a minor inconvenience but it tipped me over the edge, and I had bit of a crying episode and was really beating myself up, ended up punching a wall and I think I may have broken my finger, I was hyperventilating and needed some valium, haven't done anything on todays list, bar sleep, so call it a fail. I've updated my prescribing nurse, and said I want to try another tablet if possible because I really need help with the innatentivness, I can live with the hyperactivity.

@snowsuit thank you, I'll check it out, and see if it helps, I have a whiteboard that I write down what I need to do, but I haven't crossed anything that I've even done off it yet. I'm glad it helps you, I'm just feeling deflated today.

But as they say, tomorrow is a new day, I need to go out tomorrow, so I will write on my board the steps to go out, going down to details like having a shower, drying and styling my hair, getting ready, going to the bus stop, that kind of thing, in fact I'll try the app to do that.

Just an FYI I found an app called Finch, where you get a little birdy pet to look after, you can write your to do lists, set alarms and it has some MH help stuff too, it's so cute

Sorry you had a bad day. ‘Sleep’ totally counts as a thing to cross off! Hopefully changing meds will help (I’ve never tried meds but am really keen to). As you say, tomorrow is a new day and it’s also ok to have rhythms just like NT people where some days you rest and others you feel like getting stuff done. Hope tomorrow is easier, anyway.

Sleeping is good! Sounds like you successfully prioritised the most important thing.

Sorry to hear about your hand.

The interplay or oestrogen and adhd meds is under researched. If you can, try and track it across your monthly cycles.

I find I can only commit to say, cleaning the house, if someone is coming over, for example. So I book events so that I HAVE to do things by that time.

@snowsuit thank you! Today has been a better day, I slept for 12 hours last night, and realised that I just can't stay up late at night anymore because I need my sleep, for my MH I think more than anything.

@Shuffleuplove Yes I only clean if someone is coming round, I'll have a burst of energy every couple of months and do a big clean, but that hasn't happened in a while, I need a cleaner really, so I have that pressure of someone coming over forcing me to clean. Might look into that!

@deeplyrooted thank you, yeah it's a little bruised I don't think I broke it, it's just soft tissue damage. I don't know why I do it, it's like all the thoughts, and to do lists, and my own self hatred all happens at once and start beating myself up, I get a rush of anger and need to get it out so I hurt myself, I've been doing it since I was a child, I used to bite my hand, then it was my finger, then it was cutting, then it was punching stuff, just anything to stop the million thoughts and feelings in my head. And everything gets worse when I have pmt, it can last 3/4weeks, I'm really irregular, and every MH issue and adhd is exacerbated by it, I've tried birth control but it made me worse, so I just try and do my best to cope.

I hope everyone had a good day, and here's for a tomorrow that is productive, or not productive, non beating ourselves up, being kind to ourselves and others. Have a gooden

It took a couple of days but I updated my CV last night, applied for a few jobs, and I've got a couple of phone calls with a couple of recruitment agencies tomorrow. Of course in updating my CV, I entered my phone number wrong and a recruiter pointed it out to me, I thanked him for pointing it out, replied with the correct number and said I'll phone him tomorrow, so hopefully that'll be good enough.

I got 79% in my last assignment, which I think is OK considering I didn't actually study any of the materials, I just had a butchers at the recommended sources. So I'm going to wing it for the rest of the course. It's my best mark so far in this course, so it obviously works for me. My last course was about the Law and government, and how everything worked, all my marks were in the 80's and 90's so I think I'm better with law!

The Finch app I downloaded lasted all of 12 hours! What actually seemed to work for me was setting alarms with the task as the name of the alarm, I can snooze it but it's a constant reminder that I have to do something.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well, is hydrated, and had a good enough day

That all sounds really positive. Well done

@deeplyrooted thank you, I'm just waiting for everything to go tits up. Like there's always that nagging feeling that everything is going to go horribly wrong.

Wow this sounds like me.
I can go a whole day - at work!! - without doing anything at all!! The guilt, shame and anxiety is awful

@garlicandsapphires I am a pro at looking busy whilst absolutely doing nothing, it's a vicious cycle, the more you don't do, means the more work you have, which feeds the guilt and anxiety, I hear you and understand

I hope everyone is well, I'm OK, apart from anxiety I'm OK. I don't even know what I'm anxious about, just that I'm anxious. I feel like I'm drowning in anxiety. Gah.