Newly diagnosed with ADHD and happy…sort of

[UnadulteratedCat]

I am in Australia and started down the diagnosis path around 5-6 months ago. I had my session last week and was diagnosed with ADHD. The psychiatrist didn’t specify which type but I suspect combined type. I should read the letter again as he might have mentioned it.

I saw my GP today and was prescribed Ritalin.

I have never tried any kind of illicit drug so honestly had no idea how a tablet could change my experiences and how my brain works. I just couldn’t picture it at all.

I got the script 2 hours ago and even though it’s dinner time, I took my first dose as I literally could not wait. I’m not sleeping due to shoulder pain anyway so don’t care if I’m awake longer. I bought a Jack Reacher book just in case I was awake all night.

For the first time in a very long time I had dinner with my children and actually paid attention to them. My mind wasn’t wandering in a million directions and I could just be with them as they are and chatted to me. Usually cooking dinner exhausts me and I have to eat alone as I can’t face the chatter. I’m so happy right now. My kids weren’t being annoying, I just didn’t have the capacity to focus on them. And when they would talk to me they were interrupting a dozen different thoughts so shifting my focus would be difficult and annoy me.
This is so different.

It could be a partly placebo effect but I have no way of knowing I suppose.

In the psych diagnosis letter he also mentioned he considered I may have ASD but didn’t elaborate as he will get paid for a proper diagnosis on that point instead of giving it away for free . I’m not sure if I will pursue that diagnosis as I’m not sure how it would benefit me so if anyone has any insight on that I would be grateful.

I feel happy and relaxed. I can hear my children clearly instead of like I was wearing earphones muffling everything.

Is this what normal people are like?

The sort of part of my title was about the sadness of not being able to think and feel like this ever in my 43 years. All the things I’ve missed and lost. It’s sad. But my children are young enough that I can turn their experience of me all around. I have another chance to be the mum I always wanted to be.

I've no idea what normal people are like because I have Asd but I love your post. I'm so happy for you!

Normal wasn’t right was it. Sorry.
I feel so disconcerted that other people might go about their days feeling this clear most of the time. I had no idea. I thought everyone was like be but knew a secret I missed on making it all work out.

Normal, who knows?

Great you have a diagnosis and meds.

Yeah, it will take a while to get through the: 43 years of struggle reflections. Still processing my ASD diagnosis one year on.

The normal thing. I came across a video on NT walk down the street and it was so quiet. That was a shock.

(Eg ex is eating his breakfast upstairs and I can hear his spoon in the dish intermittently, and the buzzhumming fish tank, and ticking radiators and birds outside and traffic and it is fairly quiet here as the kids are inside the local school now)

It would be interesting to get a med to see how NT people process sensory issues.

I did wonder recently about gas and air/illegal drugs how some people find it makes them trippy and sounds colours etc are enhanced and wondered whether aspire brains are permanently tripping sensation wise?

Just to be aware, this kind of "lightning flash" moment is common when you first start ADHD medication but it does wear off over time. You get used to the new baseline of the medication and it can start to feel disappointing because compared to NT people, it's still only 80%. But just remember that without medication you're probably running at 40%, so it is still very helpful, and many NT people will have other challenges - little support, chronic pain, poverty, etc, so very few NT people are "running at 100%" anyway.

It can help to use the enthusiasm and hyperfocus burst of the newness of medication feeling to get some new habits and routines established, before you get to that "But I'm still not 100%" disappointment.

I did want to ask about if you get used to the dose and you already answered it. I have a gp app next week to see how I have been on one tablet per day and whether to increase or not. He will call me weekly for a few weeks to keep an eye on it all.

I was pleasantly surprised at the cost of the prescription and don’t feel anxious over being able to afford it in the future.

I have plans to finally put in place as I felt I needed the permission of a diagnosis to implement systems. Hoping to use initial positivity to implement habits.

I just can’t believe this feeling.