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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

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Original poster

The adverse impact of the “support threads”

52 replies

Scautish · 10/02/2022 17:54

I drop into these threads from time to time, despite their ableist nature

The latest posts are particularly troubling. Someone has “read the threads and now suspects her husband has Asperger’s”

So despite warning MNHQ of the danger of these threads being seen as factual (when the vast majority have armchair diagnosed their partners) they are allowed to stand and here they are being used as a reference and a tool to support more armchair diagnoses.

I find this MNHQ-facilitated ableism so deflating. Im facing real life ableism daily at the moment and such threads only highlight how some non-autistic people view us. the existence of such threads is only going to extend this stigma. Im very down.

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 12/02/2022 13:22

The tone of the conversation on that support thread is really awful at times. There's one particular male poster who talks about his wife as though she is a small infant, referring to her as "behaving herself" at Christmas dinner etc. It makes my skin crawl.

@Inspectorslack I'm another self-diagnosed person (the consultant who diagnosed DS1 told me I should definitely pursue a diagnosis, but my GP told me there was no pathway for adults in my area Hmm). I was also worried I wasn't welcome here, but the lovely ofwarren reassured me that I was, so I'm taking her word for it!

BlackeyedSusan · 12/02/2022 15:36

Neither of you appear to be identifying with being autistic but as "possibly autistic". insert valid reason such as being suggested to seek diagnosis etc Neither of you are coming onto the thread throwing your weight around and doing the NT equivalent of mansplaining....

Namechangeagain84 · 12/02/2022 16:46

@Inspectorslack I don't think it matters if you aren't diagnosed. I started a thread last night about not being diagnosed but just knowing. I don't think I could go through it all to be honest.
@ofwarren made me feel welcome too.
If it was a board for the diagnosed, there wouldn't be many places on here I'd feel comfortable.

Phrenologistsfinger · 12/02/2022 16:53

I have ADHD and DP has ASD and I find those threads useful tbh. I can see both sides because I am on both sides in my own life. Not getting drawn into it on this thread though, just saying my tuppence worth.

Phrenologistsfinger · 12/02/2022 16:55

I would be fine if DP was on a thread about how hard he finds some of my ADHD behaviours (and he does as things I had done caused him a full meltdown earlier).

PeasPorridgeCold · 12/02/2022 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
Scautish · 12/02/2022 21:54

@PeasPorridgeCold - so you are neurotypical and you are coming on the board for neurodiverse people, and specifically a thread where autistic people are discussing how hurtful and ableist these threads are, and accusing @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation of invalidating your feelings by posting here - Ona thread for neurodiverse people?

Jesus Christ - are you rally so lacking in intelligence and/or empathy to see the utter hypocrisy of your post??

Are our feelings not valid? Or are we just that subhuman as far as you are concerned?

Your neurotypical privilege is quite astounding.

OP posts:
BitcherOfBlakiven · 12/02/2022 22:11

@Scautish I’m not surprised, white people can’t even stay off the Black MNers board so NTs aren’t gonna stay off here.

Original poster
Scautish · 12/02/2022 22:22

@BitcherOfBlakiven

I was going to say “it’s incredible, isn’t it?” But then I realised that was a stupid thing to say as it’s entirely predictable. I’m so utterly fed up of the constant denial
Of ableism directed at autistic people here and in real life. It’s genuinely overwhelming and it makes life so so much harder.

Fuck this shit. I can’t take it much more.

OP posts:
PeasPorridgeCold · 12/02/2022 22:22

So are we in agreement then, it is inappropriate both for ND people to barge in on the support thread for NT partners, and for NT people to be here?

I'm happy with that, I'll leave here, and you leave the people on the NT support thread alone.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 12/02/2022 22:31

@PeasPorridgeCold

So are we in agreement then, it is inappropriate both for ND people to barge in on the support thread for NT partners, and for NT people to be here?

I'm happy with that, I'll leave here, and you leave the people on the NT support thread alone.

No, because being discriminatory against disabled people is an actual crime.
Scautish · 12/02/2022 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
Scautish · 13/02/2022 11:23

Why was my post deleted?

OP posts:
AffIt · 13/02/2022 11:29

@Scautish

Why was my post deleted?
I was just wondering this, too, but then I realised that it was only ever a matter of time before the NTs got on to this board and started reporting...
CorrBlimeyGG · 13/02/2022 11:39

Why would someone sign up/ change their name just to shit stir in what is supposed to be a safe space?

I didn't see your post scautish, but can guess who reported it.

Original poster
Scautish · 13/02/2022 11:52

Lots reported it - it was a “sorry for the mass email” accidentally sent to me too.

So we have lots of people watching us who will be determined to keep us in our sub-human status.

I was deemed to have launched a personal attack.

OP posts:
Opaljewel · 13/02/2022 13:00

I believe I have ADD and apparently it's quite common for women mid- 30s to be diagnosed. waves I have actually applied to be assessed for this. My autistic friend believes a self diagnosis can be just as important as you start to learn about yourself and what it means to you. But as for other people self diagnosing others, including their family or partners or spouses then that in itself is wrong. If you suspect, support the person to maybe be assessed or talk to them about it?

Opaljewel · 13/02/2022 13:00

On topic, those threads make me cringe too.

ofwarren · 13/02/2022 14:00

@Scautish

Lots reported it - it was a “sorry for the mass email” accidentally sent to me too.

So we have lots of people watching us who will be determined to keep us in our sub-human status.

I was deemed to have launched a personal attack.

Omg, that's a bit sinister isn't it! I don't think your post warranted deleting at all. I bet that person has multiple accounts and reported you on them all. We are really hated aren't we Sad
ofwarren · 13/02/2022 14:02

@Opaljewel

On topic, those threads make me cringe too.
It always seems to be used as a way to excuse someone's DH or DP of bad behaviour. "DH punched a hole in the wall" "Are you sure he's not autistic"... Confused
RainbowZebraWarrior · 13/02/2022 14:13

Shocked and sad. Flowers to everyone else who is too.

But not gonna let it rock me like it usually would. I like it here. No, I love it here. This board is a bloody life saver. And we have used it. Boy have we used it, since it was gifted to us such a short time ago. There's often a view that a new board might not actually be used. That was never going to apply here.

Hundreds of messages and threads already. So much understanding. I'm not being beaten by one or two people popping up occasionally.

Standing strong. Haters can hate. I now know what acceptance and understanding is, and nobody can take that away from me!

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 13/02/2022 14:36

I'm not bothered if people try to act like silly beggars here. They might like to examine why they're acting the way they are. It's no reflection on us.

Thoosa · 13/02/2022 15:07

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Yep. We’ve been telling MNHQ for MONTHS. Most of these people aren’t even fucking diagnosed.
This. I’m taking a break from bashing my head against a brick wall.

YANB at all U, though, OP.

Thoosa · 13/02/2022 15:09

I might start a support thread for those in relationships with “sinister” left-handers, when I get a quiet weak, though. Because they do leave everything around the house upside down and backwards. Which is very trying. Obviously a huge group thread full of quasi-scientific superstition would be a massive support. Wonder how long that would stay up? 🙄

Thoosa · 13/02/2022 15:10

Week^