Do you have difficulty with going on holiday?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Been on two holidays in the last 10 years - to Scotland and Wales, so nothing too exciting or challenging.

Both times had difficulty with minor health issues which flare up when I'm stressed. I was worrying constantly about my cats and the house, the weather was annoying and I didn't manage my health conditions so ended up a bit unwell. Spent most of the time looking for a chemist.

It's just not worth trying to go away.

Anybody else have this problem?

Three autistics changing routine...

Yep it can be volatile...

There is flapping shouting crying swearing stimming in various proportions.

My favourite part of going on holiday is coming home

My DH and DC really enjoy going so I do it for them. When DC are older I'll send them on holiday with DH without me.

Both times we left a day early and returned home 🤦‍♀️

The weather was too hot in Wales. I could only go out in the evening. Dh took ds2 to places and I stayed in the guesthouse waiting for the heat to go away. Ridiculous.

I have ADHD so no, I LOVE it. I struggle with routine and I'm hard wired to get massive dopamine hits from novelty seeking .

We do lots of little trips or days out. By public transport so I'm always stressed about getting to the bus or train on time and there are people on buses and trains and some of them masticate loudly. Or tap false nails on screens. Or talk loudly. Or smell. Once we are there I'm fine but we always eat in the same places and eat the same thing and visit the same sights, same hotel. I can visit new places as long as I've researched it first. I'll be very stressed getting everything together to go and try really hard not to lose my patience with dc.

Although sometimes I can do the big things ok but not the small day too day things. I know now though that it will come at a big price.

If someone sprang a trip on me id freak out. I've just had to politely decline two as I couldn't hack it. We are going to our favourite seaside place instead. Sure it's 3 trains but it's familiar and safe and we will love it.

I have ADHD so no, I LOVE it. I struggle with routine and I'm hard wired to get massive dopamine hits from novelty seeking

Ds1's like that. He goes all over. I admire his adventurous spirit 😃

@AlternativelyWired we have day trips to the same places as well. We even eat the same things off the menu in the coffee shops 😄

I really struggle with the preparing and then travelling to where ever it is we are going. Usually meltdowns on the journey there. Once I get somewhere I'm normally alright once I've got my bearings and know what to expect. I find I have to do loads of research about where we are going and try and have a bit of routine. Also maps, I get obsessive about looking at maps of the place before we go and when we are there as well. I think it helps with the disorientated feelings of being out of my comfort zone.

I actually really like holidays, it's the getting there I can't stand. The airport is especially awful.

I wrote a post about this which I didn't post in the summer because I was worried I'd sound like an ungrateful wanker!

We stayed with relatives (I know, I'm incredibly grateful) but DH, DS and I have to sleep all in the same room and our stuff gets everywhere. I really struggle with the lack of downtime and needing to be 'on' with family.

When we go away with DH's family they think I am rude and snooty because I don't join in with watching TV with them in the evening. I don't know how to tell them that I am absolutely wrung out by the evening and I have no spoons left for socialising :(

@AshGirl

Would you feel better asking your dh to speak to them?

I hated visiting the pil's because of the same reason.

@AshGirl

I wrote a post about this which I didn't post in the summer because I was worried I'd sound like an ungrateful wanker!

We stayed with relatives (I know, I'm incredibly grateful) but DH, DS and I have to sleep all in the same room and our stuff gets everywhere. I really struggle with the lack of downtime and needing to be 'on' with family.

When we go away with DH's family they think I am rude and snooty because I don't join in with watching TV with them in the evening. I don't know how to tell them that I am absolutely wrung out by the evening and I have no spoons left for socialising :(

You aren't ungrateful. I would HATE that. It's not a holiday to me at all.
I'd need a holiday to get over that!

For years I thought I was the only one, why was it that everyone else I knew looked forward to going away to places and I just hated every minute of it? Why was I crap at enjoying these experiences?

I was only diagnosed last year at age 60 but now my aversion to holidays (and that includes short periods of time i.e weekends spent at anyone else's home inc the ex inlaws, friends etc).

When I was married, every holiday induced a major meltdown at some stage, I just can't manage the smells, sounds, even the difference in light and heat of different places. exDH would take DD off to the beach etc and I'd stay in the room as it wasn't fair on her that we'd go somewhere and I'd have a meltdown and have to go back to the safety of the place we were staying.
After I divorced I carried out an experiment to see if it was that I didn't like going away with the DH, so I went for a short trip away in Air BNB places.
I managed ok but only because I ensured that where I went allowed me to follow all my routines and I wasn't likely to have to negotiate any social situations.

Now I don't have to do that, it's a huge weight off my mind.

I do, but for me I think its anxiety. However I often wonder if there's an element of neurodiversity at play.
I don't cope well with the pressure and responsibility of change.

I can cope being in Britain but I get really anxious going abroad. I don't cope well in hot weather. Luckily for me, my partner also likes to go away a few days max so if we do go abroad, it's never a full week.

[quote BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]@AshGirl

Would you feel better asking your dh to speak to them?

I hated visiting the pil's because of the same reason.[/quote]
I think that they wouldn't understand and see it as more evidence that I don't like them (not true at all, they are lovely - just a bit full on sometimes)

DH also struggles with some of the same ND issues and feels very sad and excluded from his family.

DH and I have travelled a lot but we have what we call "airport rules", whereby we both agree that we don't mean anything said in anger between our house and the destination. He is incredibly anxious and I'm autistic so we set each other off when stressed

Travelling and dragging my luggage around is hell on earth but I'm okay once I'm in the new place and settled. We do have a plan for each day though, and we thoroughly research restaurants etc so there's a list of good options wherever we are in the city. I would never, ever just walk into a place for food without knowing 1) that there was something I will enjoy, and 2) that the food is great.

Going on holiday is a complete nightmare.

Being on holiday is great.

For me it's the planning and organisation and packing. I have a packing checklist and get other people to do it for me, but it still always ends up in mega stress meltdowns. But once we're off in the car it all turns off and I'm not bothered anymore. I have to keep reminding myself that we're only going camping 2 hours up the road and I have my bankcard and the shops will be open if anything gets left behind. Worst case scenario is DH has to pop home for it. But my brain thinks we're on a one way mission to mars and if we don't have a potato peeler we'll all die.

DH and I agree that visiting family is not a holiday - a holiday usually means driving to somewhere in the UK and staying in self catering accommodation; that reduces a lot of the stress (timings don't really matter, we can eat what we want when we want, we have enough space for our stuff, a family member can be asleep while another is watching TV in another room). Many of the 'holidays' described here don't sound much fun.....

We are going away today for a few days. I have bad pmt and the next hour of getting ready is going to be stressful. I need to pack and we leave in an hour and 20 minutes 😱