How to deal with NT women that don't like you?

[TheWorldOfCats]

I have autism and ADHD. I am 32.

Everywhere I go, there is always at least one NT woman that doesn't like me and tries to turn the rest of the group against me. As a result, I have very few female friends.

Normally, I just ignore these women and their comments. However, this usually makes the problem worse! Is there a better way of dealing with this type of person?

No advice really but this also used to happen to me.
I've ended up not being friends with anyone for the last 10-15 years and I feel much better for it.
I'm considering trying to make friends with some ND women though, as maybe that will be easier?

I wish there was an answer.

I have always been 'the weirdo', 'the odd one out' and so on and so forth and there has always been at least one person in a group who actively dislikes me and very often actively engages in disruptive behaviour aimed at me.

Like @ofwarren I am friends with very few people indeed and keep them at arm's length.

No answers really but yes this has happened to me too

That said I can be over sensitive whereas I know some can be very bullish and just push their way into groups regardless of whether people actually like them.

I also find that sometimes the "queen bee" mum types are often actually not liked they are feared and some women just go along with them for fear of their DC being excluded or gossiped about etc weirdly in DC1 school year the awful mum just pushed her way to dominance and the other mums just went along with it etc

The dominant ones know we can see through their bullshit.

You can either ignore them or toe the line and fawn over them. I know which one I'd rather do. It's not going to be easy either way, but at least ignoring them leaves your boundaries in place and your self esteem intact.

Try to be business like and professional.

They're invariably weak and insecure inside.

Same way you deal with any person who makes it clear they do not like you. Turn the other cheek and remember that you’re better off without them.

However, if it really is everywhere you go have you tried to trace a pattern in these social interactions? Are you meeting them all at the same place, is the dislike expressed the exact same way?

The pattern is that I don't suck up to bullies, and that I don't care if that makes me unpopular. That isn't something that I wish to change about myself really.

NT people frequently dislike autistic people, exclude them and discriminate against them. It’s part of the reason why less than a third of autistic people are in employment. I don’t think there’s anything you can do other than avoid them.

@TheWorldOfCats

The pattern is that I don't suck up to bullies, and that I don't care if that makes me unpopular. That isn't something that I wish to change about myself really.

Right but what I was saying is not everyone can be a bully. Perhaps it’s the place you’re meeting these people? Some places are more cliquey than others. But it’s unlikely that every single person is a bully, so maybe you could look at where you’re meeting them. Or perhaps you’re unconsciously drawn to cliquey/mean people.

@Kanaloa seriously, I believe that it is down to something similar to in-group/out-group theory - them and us etc. We simply do not fit into their perceptions of what their (in) group should be like and would not, could not even if we wanted to.

In fact Autistic people do not fit easily into any group or sub-group except that we have had or are seeking) diagnosis.

I'm 58 this year we moved a lot when I was a child, and then I've moved a lot as as adult. I have found that groups of NTs are fairly unpleasant wherever one goes, and bullies do not like being called out

I'm only really friends with ND people.

Shared interest clubs are what I've found best for meeting new friends.

[quote LilyRed]@Kanaloa seriously, I believe that it is down to something similar to in-group/out-group theory - them and us etc. We simply do not fit into their perceptions of what their (in) group should be like and would not, could not even if we wanted to.

In fact Autistic people do not fit easily into any group or sub-group except that we have had or are seeking) diagnosis.

I'm 58 this year we moved a lot when I was a child, and then I've moved a lot as as adult. I have found that groups of NTs are fairly unpleasant wherever one goes, and bullies do not like being called out[/quote]
So all groups of all people are unpleasant wherever you go in the world? Maybe the answer is to socialise one on one in that case.

For me personally I would suspect it’s the type of person who tends to socialise in big cliquey groups. I much prefer socialising in smaller groups.

NT? ND?

This is the Neurodiverse (ND) MN board.

For Mumnsnetters who are Neuro Diverse.

NT = Neuro Typical

I’ve noticed that some people form groups by uniting against an outsider. I can’t bear this and it definitely costs me socially. And frankly, when you get to know whoever has been deemed the outsider, they’re usually more interesting than the group.

@TheWorldOfCats please never ever change your fabulous self never suck up to bullies, evneber change to be one of those vapid suck ups. Sorry i just wanted to show solidarity. I am very very similar and find people do not always like me. I think maybe they see me as unwavering Kr un persuadable and they don't like it that I'm not threatened by their attempts to persuade me. Plus previous poster is right i think some groups do bond by sort of bothering or keeping out an outsider. I am adhd , bipolar with mania exceases so i hope i am alright to post here . Xx