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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Feel like an alien

9 replies

CindyLouWho1 · 05/02/2022 00:16

Friends and relatives have always said, only half-jokingly, that they think I’m autistic. Recently I’ve started to wonder if it might be true. I don’t know what having a diagnosis would change for me but I’m thinking about pursuing one simply because the way I am affects my wellbeing.

It’s been a long time since I was in an educational setting (as a student) so I had forgotten how uncomfortable it makes me when I started a new course this week. There are about 20 people in my class. The sense of crowdedness and the noise alone make me feel like I’m going to burst into tears. Certain students also have a habit of touching me repeatedly as they talk. I look at other people to see if the screeching and the over-the-top laughter and the constant touching bothers them too but they seem fine. I, on the other hand, come off as stuck-up and unfriendly because I just hold back and stay silent. It makes me feel like an alien.

Can anybody relate?

Thank you if you read this far. I don’t even know what I’m asking really. I just feel sad that I am odd and that I don’t want to be part of anything and that other people make me feel bad about that and that even at the age of 35, I don’t feel able to just say This is how I am, don’t touch me, leave me alone. (Having said that we all speak different languages in my class - we’re not in the UK - so it’s somewhat difficult to make myself understood anyway).

OP posts:
Mabelface · 05/02/2022 00:24

I'm a little drunk so don't go in depth. I just want to say that you're not odd, you're differently wired, and the world isn't set up for people like us. That's why life is so difficult.

Yuckypretty · 05/02/2022 09:02

You might be surprised at how well people respond to you when you accept who you are and communicate your different needs. Like it helps them know not to take your differences personally. Like your struggle with being touche, if someone touches you and you sort of jump if you just say oh I'm just not a touchy feely person it makes them understand that it's not because you don't like them. I think it's important not to apologize for it though.

ofwarren · 05/02/2022 10:11

Totally get that. I had to leave university because I couldn't cope with things like that. The noise, the lights, the group work... it was sensory hell.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/02/2022 21:52

A diagnosis helps with these things as it gives you a reason. And you can identify with a different neuro tribe. And we can get together and marvel at the strange (to us) things NT people do.

deeplyrooted · 06/02/2022 12:47

I think it can be helpful because people are kinder.

Before ds was diagnosed I would advocate for him in situations and get dismissed as anxious/over-protective/fussy mum. Now in schools and medical settings I say “autism” and they bend over backwards to accommodate his needs.

My friend was diagnosed in her 30s and got OT support at work which made a great difference to her stress levels. She was allowed to be excused from hot desking when that was introduced and her desk had to be at a wall so she could sit facing away to reduce distraction. At one point they moved offices and she took a sick day because she didn’t cope well with the upheaval and her desk was photographed, moved to the new building without her needing to struggle through that transition.

I’m trying to advocate for an elderly relative who has never been diagnosed (but is a carbon copy of my ds) and I keep hitting the brick wall of “he’s always been awkward….” or his insistence on things being left a certain way being seen as micro managing/controlling or him deliberately trying to annoy his carers.

I don’t know why the same behaviour gets a different reaction depending on whether it’s seen as NT or ND. But it does make a difference.

CindyLouWho1 · 06/02/2022 14:57

Thank you for your replies. I guess the question is now how do I go about getting a diagnosis.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 06/02/2022 15:22

Go and have a chat with your gp and give them all the reasons why you want to be assessed.

deeplyrooted · 12/02/2022 11:52

How are you getting on @CindyLouWho1? The first few weeks of a new course are so draining. Are you managing to hang in there?

CindyLouWho1 · 12/02/2022 13:29

Thank you for asking! It’s hell to be honest. There are mandatory social events, group work, presentations. But I have to do it 😞

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