Are you a "princess and the pea" type with sensory issues but wouldn't have a clue if someone was flirting with you?

[AlternativelyWired]

Sorry, I'm on one of my late nights thought rambles as I try to make sense of my life.

The other day I had to stop 3 times on the way to collect ds to remove some grit or other foreign object in my left trainer. They were so small as to be invisible upon inspection.

I notice the tiniest of discomforts, like a piece of fluff in my sock, but it's been noted that I don't notice when someone is flirting with me. At uni my best friend came to visit (male if it matters) and said of this guy who had stopped at our table to chat that he was "totally pitching me" which I didn't understand at all having never heard the phrase. Once he explained I was totally oblivious to the guys flirtations anyway.

I do have trouble recognising if people are being friendly or flirting or even genuine and have a natural distrust of people in general. People (particularly men) who are nice and generous have had ulterior motives in my experience so nice and generous is something I view with suspicion. The same with invitations to meet for coffee or go out for a drink from friends I haven't seen socially for years. Do they mean it? How would I know? How can you tell?
Can anyone relate?

In addition I get funny looks when being what I view as friendly and others think I'm flirting with people. I get it so wrong it seems. Apparently male and female friendships aren't really a thing and I must fancy them. I found boys much easier than girls at school. They were just less complex and more straightforward in general and I could relate to them better.

Dd has been told she has a very strong sense of right and wrong. Her view, and mine, is that why would t someone have that? Why is it so difficult to know right from wrong or at least obey the rules. We are very black and white thinkers but do try to consider shades of grey but grey doesn't sit well with us.

wouldn't know. If I don't know if someone is flirting, then I am not going to know if I miss people flirting.

A bit of both for me really. I can feel the tiniest discomfort really easily like a little stone in my shoe or a scratchy label, but I also recognise if someone Is flirting with me, though a lot of the time I question their motives

It’s often hard to know if someone is flirting with me, in my experience. I don’t know if I’m neurodiverse - but I doubt it. I think I’m so used to massive creeps, so if flirting was going on (I’m too old now) I’d not even notice and probably think they were nice.

Yes!

I have NO clue if someone is flirting, and even if they tell me outright they like me, I end up waiting for the other shoe to drop, because surely they can’t possibly?!

Yes I've been told I'm flirting when I had absolutely no intention of doing so and I've been told that people are flirting with me which I've been oblivious to.

I don't do male friendships because that dynamic is too hard to manage and I don't want to risk putting myself in an unsafe situation.

I wouldn't make male friendships now. I'm too old and all I know are in relationships or married. As a teen or at uni it was easier.
In short I find people very perplexing. I don't have close friends. There's someone at school that I chat to on the walk home and maybe have a coffee with as we walk but I find her exhausting sometimes as I have so much going on myself and I don't understand her relationship set up. My other friend I don't see socially but we chat more via text and by phone sometimes. The school mum cliques are very foreign to me. I used to think it was because I was a single mum and not working and they were all married or in long term relationships with partners with well-paid jobs and nice holidays skiing or whatever. I don't feel I have anything in common with them and I've stopped trying to integrate as it no longer appeals to me to try and be normal.

100% yes. Have to change my sheets often as they need to be tight and smooth otherwise I cannot sleep. Cant cope with itches, fluff, annoying seams, any of it. when younger never knew when I was being fancied/flirted with and ended up with several tricky situations. I think me being friendly was mistaken for flirting. Old lady now, no such drama

Wow. I really relate to this. When I was young, I spent a lot of time wondering how people managed to get into relationships and why I couldn't seem to manage it. I was very attractive and I knew it, but I never could parlay that into anything! Looking back now, I can think of so many times when men were flirting with me or hitting on me and I just didn't twig AT ALL. I was approached in bars and cafes and even sometimes on the street and I just thought they were being friendly.

For example, one time, living abroad, I was sitting in a cafe reading my paper and I did notice a businessman glancing at me. When he left he gave me a little poem written on the back of his business card. I just thought he was being nice! But he hoped I'd call him, didn't he? It was years before I realised that.

These things are pretty common for autistic women. You might find it interesting to look into sensory processing disorder, it's common to be under-sensitive to some things and over-sensitive to others. E.g. having motion sickness but enjoying the pressure of a weighted blanket. Being really startled by loud noises while enjoying vidually-stimulating things like labs lamps. Or vice versa!

These things are pretty common for autistic women. Not understanding people's intentions, feeling like everyone else "gets it", replaying conversations and events later and only then understanding the nuances. You might find it interesting to look into sensory processing disorder, it's common to be under-sensitive to some things and over-sensitive to others. E.g. having motion sickness but enjoying the pressure of a weighted blanket. Being easily startled by loud noises while enjoying visually-stimulating things like lava lamps. Or vice versa!