I don't like "Girls' Nights Out"/ "Girly Weekends Away"!

[TheWorldOfCats]

I have autism and ADHD.

I come from a big family of loud, extroverted, women. They love socialising together.

Yes, I know that I'm lucky to have this.

However, I really really really don't enjoy "Girls' Nights Out"/ "Girly Weekends Away". They absolutely drain me.

I don't like bars or nightclubs. I also don't like giving intimate details about my partner (which seems to be an expectation at such events).

Also, there's some upsetting history in my family (CSA - not involving me) that I don't like to talk about, but the other women do seem to want to talk about it fairly often. I always have to make my excuses and run when this happens.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of these events? I usually just pretend to be sick. The family know I am autistic, but they don't pay it much attention.

That must be so difficult! I'm lucky that lots of my family are a mixture of diagnosed and undiagnosed ND. Both my parents included.
The only family events I would attend are wedding or christening type things and there would be no expectation of any type of behaviour. If I sat there silently, nobody would bat an eyelid.

Have you ever told them how it affects you rather than just saying you are sick?

That sounds like hell on earth. Would they accept you just saying you are sorry but you can't go?

Jeez lass I couldn't be doing with anything like that, it sounds like hell on earth. Just say no you don't feel up to it.

Sounds like hell. It's only recently that I've figured out why I can't attend social events without a good sized drink in me. My advice would be to do everything you can to avoid it.

Sounds like my idea of hell. I have a couple of ND friends who I am comfortable being around due to us being completely accepting of our own unique behaviours and our shared interests (mostly dogs!).

Outside of that, the only events that I attend that might be construed as "Girls" events are those with my shooting group that again is centred around a shared interest, involves a lot of time on our own with ear defenders on shooting a clay pigeons and then a meal afterwards talking about shooting with a fairly set schedule.

I don't really enjoy doing anything with others that doesn't have a practical purpose - I'm fun like that

Are you able to be honest about how you don't enjoy those events?

That's what I have started doing. I've just explained how I don't want to attend these events as it's not enjoyable for me or my DC (also ND).

I think I would just say it's not really my thing and let them get on with it? It doesn't mean you don't want to see them.

I’ve got 7 sisters - a mixture full, half and step and we’ve been in each other’s lives since childhood.

We get together about once a year - I spend half of the time in my BILs garden with him

I have 7 sisters like that too! @BitcherOfBlakiven

Although I certainly wouldn't be able to hack spending time with my BILs... not with all their smoking

I have told them how I feel. They usually say something like, "Why don't you just come out for one or two drinks?" or "We'll go and stay somewhere quiet", but then it never ever works out how they say it will. Whenever I try to leave after two drinks, some of them will get miffed and think that I'm upset with someone (which I'm not). They always try to downplay what the night will look like.

@TheWorldOfCats

I have told them how I feel. They usually say something like, "Why don't you just come out for one or two drinks?" or "We'll go and stay somewhere quiet", but then it never ever works out how they say it will. Whenever I try to leave after two drinks, some of them will get miffed and think that I'm upset with someone (which I'm not). They always try to downplay what the night will look like.

Honestly, you know how it's going to turn out. Just don't go. It's fine to not go to things that you don't enjoy.

I used to go to stuff like this. I felt totally trapped. My stomach started aching. All I wanted to do was go home.

I just stopped going. Now if I want to spend time with people I arrange to do it in locations that we'll all enjoy.

Time to "woman" up and put yourself first. Don't go. The impact on you is just not worth it.

Never been been on one, my idea of hell.
Never been to any all women anything I don't click with groups of neuro typical women. I feel like I don't fit in at all and they can sense it too. I know lots of lovely individual ladies though I just don't socialise with anyone really.