Moving house…

[BitcherOfBlakiven]

Argh.

TLDR:

Me, ADHD
3DC, 1 also with ADHD and ASD
Lone parent
I’m at Uni 40 hours a week

S21 has ran out, can’t get a new private rent (fuckers think I’m too high risk), over 200 people bidding on the same council houses as me.

So it’s clear we’ll be in temp accom despite my Psych and DCs mental health nurse stating that we need a permanent home ideally before possession order is granted and definitely before the bailiffs turn up - the letter said that turning up at the council with suitcases and my DCs would have a catastrophic effect on me. I’m already taking Diazepam multiple times a day, every day.

That aside, I’m trying to pack. I’m about halfway through. I have huge piles of shite that need to be put in a skip bag, can’t make myself do it. Don’t drive.

Ive got 20 packed boxes and need to hire a storage unit and try and sort out getting items there.

I have a cleaner once a week but she’s relatively new (she’s been 3 times) as mine stopped without earning a few months back, and so far I’ve stuck to asking her to just do the kitchen and bathroom as everywhere else is too chaotic to clean.

I’m up to my eyeballs in lab reports, essays and exam revision, Uni know what is happening and I’ve got extensions etc.

No family nearby to help, friends either work full time or their kids are getting Covid like dominoes.

Okay. I feel slightly better now.

Oh no, this sounds awful. I'm sorry you have no one to assist you in this.

I thought landlords weren't allowed to discriminate against certain types of tenant now.

In reality, they do. Especially now they have their pick of tenants and can go for a working couple over me.

Could you contact Shelter to see if they can help?

How long have you got to go on your uni course?

Only advice = get help

Don't do what I did, which was sit in the corner crying half the time and spend the other half of the time doing what I should have been all the time.

I left a lot there, managed to clear a few room (with lots of help). Wish I'd left it all there, still am highly embarrassed, but I just couldn't do it. Hopefully others have more constructive advice.

Good luck!

Obviously leaving stuff there is much worse in terms of comeback if you are a private tenant. Not anyone's no.1 choice either.

Ask on a local Facebook page for someone to help you move your stuff. People will also take stuff to the recycle centre for you too.

There are always requests for help on my local page.

Does your uni have a Student Union Centre who could request help for you? If there are nice people there they'll be glad to assist.

Uni - I had to drop to part time this time last year as I was seriously unwell with Covid and couldn’t manage full time - so I’m doing the second half of my second year, and then back to full time for my third year from October onwards. Uni can’t really do anything for me, I’ve called multiple departments. They don’t have any housing for students with children.

I’ve got a solicitor and a student solicitor via my Unis Law Centre (free) and my landlady will now have to contact me via them as she’s so verbally abusive that I can’t tolerate her any more.

My friends all work full time, have children with clubs and activities at weekends so can’t really help, believe me I’ve asked.

My timetable is odd - this week I’m in every day, the week after I’m only in one day.

I’m very much spending a lot of time crying and unable to function, despite the Diazepam I have on prescription.

If I could manage to get the stuff I’ve already packed (30 boxes) to a storage unit, and get the shit I don’t want to a tip, that would be a huge help but nobody seems to want to or is able to.

I’ve lived alone since I was 16 due to an abusive and neglectful childhood so I learnt ultra independence from a very young age, being unable to sort any of this myself is destroying me, and then to be told no when I’m at the end of my rope and have been desperate enough ask, has put me off asking anyone now.

I have no idea how much temp accom will cost me either, on top of the storage fee of £40 a week (cheapest one I’ve found, and I live in a big city), plus bus or taxi to get my kids to school.

I’m in the East Mids.

DC are 13/11/6 - eldest two are also ND and both have periods now so they are an absolute joy at the moment I could probably bribe the eldest with a NYX gift voucher and the middle with a Robux one. Youngest DD is a delight and has, to my surprise, happily helped me box up 90% of her toys!

I’ve had a post on multiple town groups re a house that I’ve bumped every week, no dice yet though. I’m just outside the city centre now but there’s a lot of towns/suburbs that I could live in without moving DCs schools, so my search area is really big (and my housing officer said that will help with council housing as I’m happy to bus 30 mins to school).

There is one organiser in my area however she’s £200 per day and doesn’t take away anything - if she did, I’d dip into my overdraft to hire her.

Youngest has been great, she’s completely unbothered that I’m having to pack her things away, and she’s the highest strung out of all 3 so I didn’t expect that at all

My eldest two are really anxious about it; I couldn’t keep them in the dark and then spring it on them so I’ve explained that unfortunately I’m having to wait for social housing and that things might get rocky. Middle has been under CAMHS since summer due to severe self harm and I’m desperately trying to minimise the impact of this on her.

I’m in Nottingham.

I’m off to make that brew now my 6YO is bathed and asleep.

Okay, so I had a good cry down the phone to my housing officer today.

She told me that the council will store my items for £45 per month per unit, collect my stuff from this house and then deliver it to my new one when I get one, free of charge. The catch is - they’ll only do one collection, so I can’t gradually siphon things off there, nor could I drop them off myself. Oh and I have to do a detailed item list - yeah, okay, cos someone with ADHD can definitely do that

My rough plan is to find my own storage for my boxes, I reached out to my step sister who was I previously very close to my entire life, but Pandemic and her job got in the way of a of that in recent years - she told I was a twat and that of course her and BIL would help “trouble” (as they both call me) haul my stuff wherever I need in his work van, because luckily for me, he’s just needed to get one after years of not having one.

Then use the council storage for my furniture and white goods.

She also reassured me that whilst temp accom isn’t a nice experience, they have specific buildings with multiple self contained apartments with small kitchens and own bathrooms, with staff there 24/7 for emotional and practical support support and as soon as a one comes up, my names at the top of the list.

So I feel a smidge better today. But I didn’t sleep a wink last night, and when I did, it was sleep paralysis demon central so I’m fucking exhausted on top of being overwhelmed.

Oh wow, this sounds like progress. I'm glad you're making some headway now. I'm not surprised you're exhausted. I hope you're able to get some sleep tonight. Is it worth asking the GP for some sleeping medication just to get you through the worst?

I’m already on Pregabalin, Quetiapine and Diazepam (PTSD) and I’ve been very slowly weaning off them because the physical side effects of them are horrendous

I'm sorry to hear about the side effects. Some meds just aren't worth being on.

Can you take adhd meds?

Yep, I’m on a methylphenidate IR - 20mg x3 a day

Does it help at all?

It does. It took a while to find the right medication though.

Yeah, it's trial and error I think.

They’re not as effective as I’d like, but the other medications make me fuzzy and slow, as well as making me gain an horrendous 4 STONE, plus major GI issues.

The vague plan is to get me off these, try Elvanse for my ADHD (which I reacted horribly to due to the other meds), and as yet undecided sedative/anxiety medication.