ADHD Assessment Worries

[PanickedE]

Hi All,
I have my ADHD assessment next week and I am terrified. There is so much riding on it in terms of support with my education and I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm going to mess it all up by forgetting everything.

I have read the pre-assessment pack, finished my forms, uploaded school reports and speech and language reports from when I was younger, my partner and mother have done forms. My partner has printed off proof of address and ID for me so it is ready.
I even uploaded the huge word document I have compiled of my struggles over the last year as hopefully they can read it if I do forget things.

Am I missing anything? I have been throwing up for the last week I am that scared. I am so worried they will tell me I am making it up or that I am just lazy. The more I read on the internet the more I convince myself of this. I was an A* GCSE student, I have a first class degree. I am doing my second degree but I am drowning. I can't keep up with anything. I had to do an extra year as I missed my A level grades. COVID gave me online open book exams with extra time so my grades went from 50s to 90s.. hence my first class degree. I crumbled when I moved out and realised how much my family did for me. My house is a mess, I flit between hobbies spending so much money and then suddenly it doesn't feel good anymore, I obsessively check my bag and still forget things, I get caught in waiting mode before going out. I need help and I'm worried this assessment will ruin my chances of it.

I know I am overreacting but I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. Are pre-assessment nerves normal or is it another sign I don't have ADHD?

Honestly you'll be fine! I had my assessment last year and had exactly the same thoughts so it's totally normal. I always had good grades, but have struggled with the things you've described so it sounds like ADHD to me. Who is your assessment with?

Thank you @User5000
My assessment is with clinical partners. I am also worried because one of the forms was quite obviously an 'autism test' I know I score highly on those e.g. 9/10 so will that deny me a diagnosis? I also mentioned the diagnosed autism in my family too. I wonder if I should have now.

My nails are bitten to shreds I am so nervous and my blood pressure is through the roof which isn't exactly helpful when they asked for me to record daily blood pressure readings and I started off in the normal range and now I'm getting values in the high 130s and 80s so on the cusp of normal. I spent £700 too and had to sell some of my collections to fund the assessment

Just be yourself and tell them how nervous you are and how you're feeling. They'll reassure you. It's totally normal to be scared.

It sounds like you're really well prepared and that's a big part of it.

Thank you @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation
I am worried I will be too well prepared and will look like I am drug seeking. I have read too much reddit I think.

Some of the advice said to talk about your worst day if you had no coping mechanisms and I've mentioned what helps me in my forms and now I'm worried that it will show as not affecting my life enough. I mentioned books with tips such as 'how to keep house whilst drowning' which the tips were helpful.. for a little while but the house is a mess again.

I got a stylus for Christmas to help me annotate my lectures and I put it in a safe place and lost it. It cost so much too and I am so upset. I don't know why I am like this

Aw bless you, you do sound stressed out about it.

Honestly, they won't think you're drug seeking.

I'm sorry you lost your stylus.

My advice to my adhd son is to try and keep things as simple as possible and try to set a couple of routines which might help. So, keep all important things in one box. He keeps his wallet, chargers, ID, glasses, belt etc. in an ikea box that I got him.

Try not to hoard stuff and keep possessions to a minimum.

Try to use apps on your phone to remind you of things.

Take photographs of where you've put things.

Take photographs of important documents. Get rid of un needed paper clutter. Scan stuff and store it digitally.

I use the Google Keep Notes app to log things.

Put music on or listen to a podcast whilst you do a timed tidy up or put clothing away. Even a five minute tidy is progress and better than nothing.

I have adhd too, but I manage to keep fairly organised by keeping things very simple and not taking too much on.

The meds will help you. My ds takes methylphenidate and he says they help to reduce the anxiety a lot. He also finds an SSRI helpful for his anxiety.

That's really helpful @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation I have a lot of stuff as everything is sentimental. I've started to let go of things like tickets and receipts as I never end up making a scrapbook like I've planned.

I always worry I've forgotten to put my handbrake on and used to run back to my car so now I take photos of that. I never did forget, it was just a worry. The issue is I have so many photos (100,000) that things are hard to find on my phone.

My computer files are the same. I don't know how to organise, I've crashed 3 computers in the last 5 years. I have 4 email accounts as all of them end up with too many emails in and it's too much of a task to mark as read and delete them. Even my uni email has 10k unread emails. I do skim them, to check for urgent ones but I never mark them as read.

I find using the printer and scanning things causes me to have a huge block which is why my partner did my proof of address for me. He even moved the printer so it is always plugged in (switched off at plug) rather than in the cupboard and I still don't manage it.

My washing often ends up going musty in the machine as I forget about it. I have so many clothes because of this (2 double wardrobes and 2 chests of drawers) which just creates more washing.

My partner implemented a hook for my keys and I forget to use it. I am really trying but I just seem incompetent.

I'm studying for a professional degree too and my friends help a huge amount with studies but I cope on the surface in uni and it goes to shit at home. I'm 23 and still have a checklist for things to remember when I get dressed. My friends were all shocked when I mentioned the assessment, I think I honestly must be just lazy or maybe my degree is just too hard and that's why I don't cope at home.

I think I will just cry in the assessment and they'll say they can't assess me like when I used to scream at the hairdressers as I hated the hair down my neck so a lady had to come to my house instead as they (rightly) wouldn't cut the hair of a distraught 3/4 year old...

I was referred to NHS and Right to Choose but both of the options were long and my GP described me as an emergency because of the important professional exams I have in the next few years. I cried throughout the whole appointment with her.

I still remember even she asked about my GCSEs, A levels and degree grades, When you need AAA to AAA for your degree a 'miss' can still seem like good grades. I got those grades by burning myself out, it wasn't healthy and I can't keep going. She made a comment about me being very academic. Another assessor I spoke to who was educational only said I was the 'classic gifted girl' presentation.

I know I should just stop thinking about it but I struggle to unwind on an average day, nevermind in the lead up to assessment. Once I'm thinking about something or thinking about doing something I feel like I really have to do it even if its the wrong thing to focus on. I should make something to eat or do some studying now instead of winding myself up over this

I can hear the struggle in your descriptions the assessors will see it too and they'll know how much it's affecting you.

The meds will help you to gain some control over these things. I can't take them, but when I did try them I felt slowed down, less anxious and more in control of my brain. I could even read a book, and I couldn't manage that before.

It sounds like you need to delete some stuff like unnecessary photos and emails. Wait until you've got your meds though, there's no rush.

Things are going to improve for you.

What day is your assessment?

It’s Tuesday afternoon.
I’m even worried I’ll forget about it and miss it!!

Not long to go then. Your dh will remind you?

You sound so worried that they won't believe you and think that you are attention/excuse/drug seeking..

I understand.

I was diagnosed in September.. I had the same fears.

The thing is, we have spent our lives being told/implied/thinking that if we just tried harder, stopped making excuses for ourselves etc then we would cope. We expect others to think that. They don't. If they are experts they will see that you have adhd. You may also be autistic, they often go together. Or you may not. It won't matter- the professionals will see you.

I knew I was autistic. Adhd was a huge shock.

I started medication.

If that is how most people experience life, then , well. Wow.
I was/ am so so disadvantaged. I am still struggling with a lot of my adhd difficulties, but the mess have been like a fog lifting, and so I am able to implement all the above strategies.i still need them, but now I actually can(mostly).

Also ,I can now ask for things like having medical just once a day, reminders for appointments, repeated emails that I have lost etc with less shame.

It is the best thing that I have ever done. But I am having therapy to deal with the shock of accepting that I am actually extremely disabled by my neuro diversity.

I have two degrees, a high iq etc. But I am a menace to myself in so many ways.

Good luck. You have achieved so much in the face of very serious obstacles. They will believe you. They will see you. Be brave, be strong.and mourn the you that didn't know that you were always on the boggy, foggy, hard 0ath, when most others had at least a road xx

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation
My partner will definitely remind me and my mother will too. Whenever I have anything compulsory at uni she calls to check I’m awake on time (I have slept through 47 alarms before but her calling often helps) and also makes sure I leave on time. She did this when I was school age but she started again recently after I missed something critical.

@painttheworld
Thank you so much!
How are you finding the therapy? It was mentioned as a possibility in my pre-assessment pack. I was thinking that might be even more useful than meds for me. I know I can’t take certain non-stimulants as one was prescribed for pain and it didn’t agree with me. I haven’t set my heart on meds, I just want to know for sure if this is the problem.

It’s awful feeling like a nuisance, isn’t it? I feel like needing reminders is seen as a weakness.

I'm very nervous again this evening but coming back to this thread has been helpful to remind me that hopefully it will be okay

I'm going to echo pp and say you will be totally fine.

I got my diagnosis last year and spent the weeks leading up to it panicking that I had it all wrong and maybe I was just lazy and a bit shit at life.

The relief and vindication I felt after was quite overwhelming. There has also been a period of what I suppose you could call a sort of grief, mourning the life I could have had if I had my diagnosis earlier and not fucked up all of my exams and made quite so many reckless decisions (my impulse control is appaling).

@SusanSHelit
Thanks for your reply! The waiting is awful

I’ve heard it can be very emotional if you do get a diagnosis. I’m going to have a quiet evening on Tuesday and a quiet day on Wednesday I think

I felt the same as you OP, I was diagnosed in August 2020 and had just passed the first year of my degree with a 1:1 (I’m 35 and it’s my first degree), whilst looking after my 3DC alone during a pandemic (single parent).

I’d had the screening tests done in 2019 and scored alarmingly high but I knew fuck all about ADHD, as soon as I started reading I knew it made it sense, but it still took me 10 months to pluck up the courage to book a private assessment.

A friend filled in the family form as I’m NC with mine, she was brutally honest about what she’s seen me struggle with.

I was so emotional for weeks after - furious and devastated that I’d struggled so long believing I was lazy and stupid because I couldn’t do things everyone else could.

My GP did the screening tests with me the third time she met me as I presented so strongly to her (and she did Neuroscience before Medicine so she’s far more well versed than the average GP).

It took less than 15 mins for Psych UK to diagnose me and also run screening for ASD and refer me back to the NHS for diagnosis of that too, which hasn’t happened yet and I can’t justify the private costs when there’s no actual benefit to be had from that.

@BitcherOfBlakiven
Thanks for your experience!
I bet it looked like you were coping so well during the pandemic but felt like you were spinning a million plates and if any dropped everything would come crashing down. That’s how I feel anyway! But you still did it! That’s the crazy thing, we’re all out here struggling but so many of us are still getting things done. We shouldn’t have to, as the help should be more readily available but we should give ourselves more credit.

It took me over 12 months just register at the GP. It’s stupid, why couldn’t I do that? Yet when a pet is ill I’m at the vets same day. I seem to be able to advocate for everyone except myself which is why I feel like I’m lazy.

My assessment is booked to be 90 mins so I doubt they will diagnose me in such a short space of time. The form for my family and friends was only the rating scale too.. not in-depth which worries me.

I was looking at psych U.K. for autism if it is suggested to me during my assessment, their booking portal is easy and they have appointments in a week! You can pick who you see also and read their reviews I think that’s brilliant.

try not to worry.

I assume that you want a correct diagnosis, not necessarily an ADHD diagnosis.

Have you been told what for the asssement will take? Ds was assessed for ADHD just before lockdown. He already had an autism diagnosis but his school thought there were other issues. The first stage was questionnaires and a session with a psych nurse then the second stage was a computer test thing. He had to wear something on his head and react to things on a screen.

He doesn't have ADHD but it was confirmed that his difficulties are due to autism. Not a surprise seeing as the entire family are autistic. An ADHD diagnosis or medication would not help him, but confirmation of his autism did. There is such a crossover but I believe it is easier to assess for ADHD.

I hope you get the help and support you need and the correct diagnosis, if it isn't ADHD then do pursue other possibles.

@Comefromaway
I definitely want the correct diagnosis but there isn’t any ‘treatment’ for the vast majority of the other possibilities, like autism.

The assessment is 90 minutes long and I’ll either have a diagnosis at the end or they will need extra information or suggest I contact another service e.g. ASD.

In adults in the U.K. they don’t typically use reaction tests and tend to use the DIVA I believe. I’m also training to be a medical professional although not in this field. The difference a diagnosis would make is huge. I get glowing reports when I’m ‘on the job’ and I’ve passed all OSCES with 86% or higher so I could be a good clinician myself with the right support. But very important exams are in 2 months and they determine my future and it shouldn’t burn me out this much. That’s why I’m placing so much on this assessment… I’ve done 6 years of uni and I don’t want it to be wasted.

Ds was 16 when he had his assessment so sort of on the cusp between being a child and an adulty but it was done via CAMHS. I understand about the exams. it was just prior to his GCSE exams starting (that never happened) and he was underachieving in exam situations.

I've never pursued any kind of official diagnosis myself as I don't think it would benefit me against the cost involved (we had to pay privately for dh, dd and ds to get thier initial diagnosis before ds got to see CAMHS, but it has been hugely beneficial to dh in his workplace as he was facing discrimination as an education professional.

@Comefromaway
Sorry for taking a while to reply- I was posting here instead of getting sorted for my uni practical and then I had to rush!!
GCSE age is such an important time. Schools put so much pressure on the grades which doesn’t help but I’m glad your son got the diagnosis to help him understand himself and his strengths and weaknesses.

I’m glad your husband has found it helpful in the workplace. I hope that wider understanding will only increase with time and workplaces will be more accommodating.

Who did you use for the private diagnosis out of interest? A lot of services are backed up at the minute since offering right to choose. I suppose it is good in some way as it means those that can’t afford it are getting help as quick as those that can. I’ve been on the NHS waiting list and right to choose but I didn’t feel I could wait another year so I went private but I am lucky to have a collection that I sold some of to fund the appointments

Good luck! I just went through this with my 15 year old DD for ASD. I was so nervous too but I was honest about everything and when she was diagnosed I knew it was the correct diagnosis. The clinicians will know you are nervous and will take that into account. And yes, it is emotional, give yourself time to process and surround yourself with loved ones.

It was the educational psychologist that dd's school brought in to assess her back when she was in Year 7. A few years later when we were battling with CAMHS and ds's previous school (the one we pulled him out of before he was expelled) we took ds to see him privately and he again agreed to see dh privately. We had previously taken ds to an ed psych reccommended by his primary school who cost thousands and said she still needed to conduct more tests but we'd run out of money at that point, as he wasn't typical (turned out the PDA profile skewed things)

With dh it is a working diagnosis but it gives him some protections in life.