Hate being touched. How do you handle huggers?

[Allpenguinsarepingus]

I hate being touched. I like cuddling my partner and having sex with him. I like hugs from my toddler. Everything else I do not want. It’s not so bad that I can’t deal with a drs appointment. But I’d rather have a smear test or a blood test than the fucking head massage/shampoo that seems to be compulsory if you want your hair cut. Smear tests and blood tests are shorter and no one thinks you’re supposed to enjoy it. I haven’t had my hair cut in 18 months.
My problem is how to tell people not to touch me? My inlaws come from a culture that kiss as a greeting and I’ve been masking for so long but I just can’t deal with it anymore. And friends who want to hug you to say hello? I don’t want your hugs. I can probably keep doing the occasional handshake at work ok. No one expects you to want to do those right? It’s just polite.
Covid was helpful for limiting touching but people are starting to do it to me again and I just want them all to stop.

I don't like it either. I posted some not so subtle memes on Facebook and a few friends when I saw them next did keep a distance or said something about I know you don't like it but some still go in for a cuddle or double kiss. I go along with it because to resist is rude but I would like to know a good way to not have to do this all the time.

I hear ya. Sil's family were into that kind of thing and I absolutely hated it, but had to let them paw me out of politeness. Luckily they haven't visited because of the pandemic. She always used to bring presents as well. Hugs and presents, oh hell no 😱😱😱

😂😂😂

Now is the best time to impose boundaries around hugging. Covid is the perfect excuse to start telling people to sod off and keep their germs to themselves. I don't know if it's just the grumpiness of age but I find it increasing easy to tell people to bugger off and not touch me.

I think people just don't get it, even when they do. I went for my smear today. The midwife saw that I was autistic on my file and then tries to reassure me, telling me not to worry that she'll take it very slowly. No fucking way! Crack on as quickly as you can possibly do it please.

When and why did all this hugging and kissing of friends and acquaintances come in? I never saw it around when I was a child or teen but now everyone seems to hug and kiss everyone they meet!
I hate it, but I enjoy the head massage at the hair dressers and any other kind of massage.
I wish we were more like the Japanese and just bowed.

When I was a teen we just raised our eyebrows at each other. And grunted or said ´hey.’ That was it. Apart from the odd strange one who preferred to hug everyone.

Same and I feel I come across as cold or unfriendly. I loved social distancing!

@ofwarren

When and why did all this hugging and kissing of friends and acquaintances come in? I never saw it around when I was a child or teen but now everyone seems to hug and kiss everyone they meet! I hate it, but I enjoy the head massage at the hair dressers and any other kind of massage. I wish we were more like the Japanese and just bowed.

We definitely hugged as teens, and kissing was certainly the norm when I was a student in the early 90s.

I sympathise, OP. I’m a hugger, but I can also read body language. Several friends are not, and we just smile and say hello.

I also used to hate the hairdresser, so I started arranging to arrive to the hairdresser with my hair wet. They were happy enough with that as it cut out time on their side.
Then I switched to a mobile hairdresser at home, there is no messing around with head massages then and you can wash your hair yourself in your own bathroom.

Can I add to this: tipping at the hairdressers requires social skills I just don’t have. I have never known who to tip or what to say and as no one has ever explained this to me (or asked ke for the money) I tend not to. I tried it once but ended up feeling so awkward and embarrassed and still didn’t learn what the procedure is. If someone wants money they’re going to have to ask me

I'm not ND but suffer from shyness and have an introverted personality. I have fallen into mild social anxiety before. I will only hug my husband and daughter willingly, my parents less so, and everyone else is awkward/feels forced/unwelcome. I had a colleague who thought it was fine to hug everyone but for me I said, no, thank you.

My FiL is a hugger. I endure the hug then will him to go far away.

I don't even like shaking hands. It's an impediment that I try and overcome daily. I also don't like the hairdresser, or any HCP touching me.

“Do not touch the body.” Said in a loud voice. Stops them in their tracks.

The look on my face when they lean in puts 99% of them off.

The other 1% I step back and say I'm not really a hugger.

I used to take the hugs but as I've got older I've felt more able to say no. Hell no. 😁

I just state upfront that I don’t hug and I don’t like to be touched. I can’t stand people other then my DH or DC touching me. When I was pregnant with my youngest I had a very enthusiastic midwife who declared that when I’m in labour she can do a ‘relaxing’ hand massage and I physically recoiled just from the suggestion. I learnt then that if you tell people they tend to respect your personal space. Most people would hate to know that they’ve made you feel uncomfortable

Interesting @HelloDulling
What part of the country are you from?
I was a teen in the 90s in a really working class area of the North West. Think working men's clubs and coal mines. Nobody hugged or kissed their friends.

@MrsGaskthrill

Can I add to this: tipping at the hairdressers requires social skills I just don’t have. I have never known who to tip or what to say and as no one has ever explained this to me (or asked ke for the money) I tend not to. I tried it once but ended up feeling so awkward and embarrassed and still didn’t learn what the procedure is. If someone wants money they’re going to have to ask me

Oh I'm totally the same. I just don't tip at all. I don't get the concept because surely they get a wage? Too much of a minefield for me to work out how much and which people you tip.

I don't mind my head being touched. I'd love a proper head massage 💆‍♀️

Cannot bear being touched by other people, so I'm so glad negotiating the double kisses/single cheek touch things at the school gates others seemed to do with such gusto, went with Covid. I honestly never got that as they barely knew each other. I mostly managed to not get drawn in by looking unapproachable.

The hairdresser thing got to the point where I have had to switch hairdressers. My old one used to have stamps and when you got 6, you got a free Indian Head Massage or "special" conditioning treatment. Couldn't think of anything worse so just threw them away. Then they started keeping tally on the computer system and nagging to book me in ... I couldn't bring myself to say no or explain, so just stopped going there!

@ofwarren

Interesting *@HelloDulling* What part of the country are you from? I was a teen in the 90s in a really working class area of the North West. Think working men's clubs and coal mines. Nobody hugged or kissed their friends.

Exactly same for me! It seems to have happened in last 15 years or so. I use to force my self to but since covid I've stopped it feels so much better.

WRT hair, "Hi can I have an appointment for a dry cut please" seems to do the job (though these days I just walk into the barber's and say "#3 sides and back, inch off the top, tapered neck please"). For everything else, there's looking unapproachable.

I am not neurodiverse but hate people touching me or me touching other people. I refuse to shake hands. People that I have worked with in the past used to make a joke of it. I also never hug anyone ever. If anyone tries to hug me, I tell them I am sorry, but I don't like people touching me. Then I usually laugh, just to lighten the mood. People are fine about it.

It’s very difficult to make people accept that you don’t want to be touched. I got sacked from a graduate job for not shaking hands enough and not smiling. One of the reasons I now want a diagnosis is so if anyone ever discriminates against me like that again I can sue them.