How can I support my DP who has ADHD?

[Valdes]

Hi there, I hope I'm okay to post here - I am NT but my DP has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I was hoping someone could provide a view?

We've been together 5ish years, no DC but love together. He was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last year and now takes meds. The meds help him a lot with focus during the day. He's more productive in work, finding it easier to get through more mundane tasks and is using to do lists etc to help with his memory. We have introduced some tactics to help with life admin and we're doing some Exercise together. All good so far!

Socially, he seems to be struggling. He talks over people, constantly plays with his phone when in a conversation, changes the topic mid-sentence at times and doesn't really do empathy. I'm struggling to help with this side of things as he doesn't recognise he does it. He prides himself on his communication skills and it feels incredibly awkward in the moment for me to burst that bubble.

Having said that, I think it's impacting widely. A recent example was my parents coming to visit. They were here for about 90mins in the same room as DP and DP sat at his PC basically ignoring them except when he'd chime in with something completely off topic.

I know these issues may not be ADHD-related but I'm looking to understand if it could be? And what you'd want your DP to do if you were showing similar symptoms? I'm not sure whether to say something to raise the issue or whether to avoid it as he's an adult and I'm not his parent ...

If that's his style of communication then that's how it is. You can't force yourself to do the whole small talk thing if you're not interested, it's literally painful.

He's improved in other areas so accept that and then leave him to communicate how he wants. Being on his computer or phone isn't really hurting anyone and, if he's chipping in, then he must be listening and paying attention. What he's doing may be rude in NT terms, but he's not NT. The only thing you could do is encourage him not to talk too long and allow others to speak. Adhd people talk over others, not out of rudeness, but because they need to get their thoughts out before they evaporate. It's difficult to keep track of brain and mouth.

Thank you for the response.

This is exactly my thinking - it doesn't bother me (obviously, we got together despite it!) but I feel as though it bothers others and I wouldn't want it to impact him negatively. Then again, any consequences would be his. On the other (third?) hand, it doesn't seem fair that he may miss out because potentially his ADHD is impacting him and he doesn't recognise it.

So many thoughts!

How is he missing out?

If it bothers other people then that's their problem tbh. He has adhd, he's not doing it maliciously. Adhd is really difficult to cope with, even when medicated. People need to adjust their expectations.