Managing a talented woman I believe is neurodiverse

[WordlePlayer]

I have a new starter in my peaceful effective team at work. I will line manage.
She wowed my ultimate boss at interview with her fierce passion and burning ambition. So I already know she’s a born saleswoman :) (and may edge her towards that role).
However, her references were lukewarm, she was either critical or patronising about everyone she had worked for before (except some CEOs). She talked of being a team player, mentoring and empowerment but I felt dispirited by the biting remarks and my team members would feel crushed by the lecturing. Managed badly, she could destroy my team :(.

However, managed well she could be the vehicle for success. That’s my job.

She is, I suspect, a lone wolf, but a lonely one. Someone whose heart is in the right place but who has no idea of the impact of her words.

She may well be autistic - I won’t be indulging in amateur diagnosis attempts but she matches the female patterns you see described/that I notice in autistic friends.

I would be very grateful for any stories, reading recommendations, hints, tips, etc

Bump

Sounds also like ADHD in parts. With the "selling" type work she enjoyed she sounded like she went into full on laser focus mode, giving it her all because she enjoyed the work and enjoyed the praise. But with other tasks perhaps felt her creativity was being boxed in and reacted harshly - probably a mixture of anticipating criticism and being defensive first. Ties in a bit with rejection sensitivity whether real or perceived.

Establishing her preferred communication style is key. So few colleagues and line managers omit to ask how people prefer to communicate. Many just want a "to the point" directive - why we need to do something, when it is needed, who else we may need to collaborate with. Short and sweet. It's amazing how infrequently this happens. Not everyone can determine workflows from long emails or retain/recall verbal instructions due to executive function impairment.

From there you can determine what she is good at. But regular dialogue is the key.

Not being an armchair psychologist either but I recognise some of these traits in myself. Variable references, frequent job changes, feeling hemmed in and/or exhausted from having to navigate too many implied norms, frustrated by lack of direct communication - "I need you to do x by y", etc. All part and parcel of my ADHD.

Good luck, OP, - being mindful and asking for advice shows you're a thoughtful manager

thanks Knackered - I really appreciate that and will mull it over.

I won’t be indulging in amateur diagnosis attempts but she matches the female patterns you see described/that I notice in autistic friends.

Then please stop it. Manage her as you would anybody else.

This is a board for neurodiverse people, not for you to come and negatively stereotype us.

bump

Not a psychologist, never mind an expert on neurodiversity - but do you think a little "theory framework" might help?

Naturally, none of the commonly used tools are a perfect "guide on how to people", but I find in my own work that they can genuinely help. I'd go with something reasonably simple such as e.g. Social Styles over something like e.g., Myers-Briggs (too many options ...) to start.

I'm not neurodiverse AFAIK, but I do find several of them helpful as kind of a "reflection aide" when I'm having a hard time communicating effectively with someone - both in terms of analysing why they don't seem to "get" me and guide as to how I can adapt and in terms of figuring out why I get irrationally irritated.

Tons of these out there - and apart from the aforementioned "I'd go with one of the simpler ones for a start" I genuinely think most of them can be useful if used like this and not taken as the Holy Bible.

Not really an "interpersonal" issue, but I've a very high potential employee who, in a nutshell, is just an insufferable hair-splitter and stickler for details at his worst. And it's proving to be a hindrance to him in terms of career progression (because the higher up you rise in management the more you'll need to be able to prioritise overall strategic goals and the big picture over minute details). I'm working with a lot of these bitesize framework items as well as with exercises to try and coach him to be more mentally flexible.

One thing you might find helpful from my approach: I never tell him "your details are irrelevant". I tell him, instead, between these important items, which one do you need to focus on and where might you have to pretend it's less relevant?

Great idea! thank you.

@CorrBlimeyGG

I won’t be indulging in amateur diagnosis attempts but she matches the female patterns you see described/that I notice in autistic friends.

Then please stop it. Manage her as you would anybody else.

This is a board for neurodiverse people, not for you to come and negatively stereotype us.

Please ignore this comment. It's great that you have asked for advice. Since getting her diagnosis dd has felt able to tell employers what her needs are but prior to diagnosis she encountered many difficulties and having someone in a workplace aware that there may be things she needed would really have helped. Her current bosses are like you, wanting to help her and use methods of communication that work for her.

Dh was only diagnosed aged 47 and spent many years in the workplace being treated like s*.

I've mostly either been self employed or working for family business (where I suspect my direct boss is autistic especially as she gave birth to me lol) so have not really encountered these issues. I'm not diagnosed as I don't see the need to pursue it unlike the rest of my family where it gives them some protection.

Thanks.
And bump. Some really nice suggestions here, I am feeling more positive.

I would say the neurodiverse possibility is a red herring. It may be that her communication style is due to neurodiversity, or it might not. It would only be relevant if that neurodiversity was acknowledged and needed to be formally accommodated.

Having said that, managing this still needs doing.

Is she open to engaging with you re her communications style? I had a colleague once who tended to be quite blunt and patronising. this came out even more prominently if she was emailing v early in the morning when, frankly, she wasn't fully awake. Her line manager banned her from sending emails before 9am unless it was a genuine emergency.

Unfortunately, the lecturing and blunt comments are harder. If its a style thing, you can mentor and coach her on that. if it's because she genuinely just believes she's better than everyone else, then the only solution is to give her projects on which she works largely alone.

thank you Bling!!!

I do agree it may be a red herring. And of course I will never know unless she chooses to disclose.

I guess that strategies for helping people with ASD overlap very heavily with strategies for helping people who merely present in some of the same ways.

Thanks again for the help on this.

Have you spoken to her about whether she also thinks she's a born saleswoman? A good starting point would be to find out if you're on the same page here.

One of the things my current manager has done is have a discussion about my strengths and we've adjusted my role so it's a much better fit. Within my team my skillset is quite different from others and so this works well. It also helps that my job description is fairly generic in the field to allow for flexibility within the (large) organisation.

Could you try everyone in the team doing Belbin and Myers-Briggs, then share and discuss how different types do better with different communication styles and motivations? That way everyone in the team should be able to improve communication generally, it isn't just about one person. There are various resources available to do this with and it was hugely enlightening when our team did it.

The other thing my manager and I have agreed is that responses in discussions with just us will always be honest before they are diplomatic, so when he asks my opinion on problems I don't have to translate into what I think is socially acceptable. He doesn't get offended and does me the same courtesy in return - he is always straight with me and we always know where we stand with each other. This has been such a relief!

Does she have a training plan? There are some very useful training courses out there specifically for women in business. Although I look back and hate the times I was 'too blunt' on that course, the material has been invaluable in helping me with communication situations since.

This was me 5 years ago, pre-diagnosis. Flying into interviews with burning enthusiasm and then just never really clicking in the job.

I’m now 5 years post diagnosis and have held down a job for the first time in my life and I credit it to the manager who took the time to understand how my brain worked and decided to work with my strengths, not pull apart my weaknesses.

There is plenty you can do that just falls into “being a good manager” and could apply to the whole team, rather than armchair diagnosing or singling her out.

1. Agree with the work on communications styles etc- this can easily be a whole team exercise.

1. Promote flexibility in the work place as far as the job allows. Timekeeping is stressful for me so I turn up any time between 9-10.30 and work my core hours from there. Meetings are never scheduled before 10 (for the whole team) to allow everyone to get in, looks at emails etc, without an expectation of being there early to catch up before a 9am.

1. It sounds like she will be vocal and systems and processes she doesn’t like. Obviously this won’t be possible every time but sometimes lean into this- “okay, do you want to do a review and suggest some improvements?” And then actually listen to her as it sounds like she will suggest improvements that make it less stressful for her but also probably better for everyone.

1. Agree with the poster who says you need some statements for if she gets fixated on something that can’t be fixed. For me it’s important for someone to acknowledge my frustration as they are telling me it can’t be fixed. “Look I know X client is always inefficient at this and I love your passion but I think it would be beneficial to divert that energy at Y”.

1. If you see issues with executive function i.e. timekeeping, prioritisation, don’t forget your impression of her as mega talented- offer some coaching in these areas or some systems she can use to keep on top of these things- this was the game changer for me.

Also, you sound like a fab and very aware manager!