Sister keeps lying to husband - advice?

[LifesQuestions]

Am I obliged to tell my brother in law that my sister lied to him about where she stayed the other night? He thinks she stayed at her friends house but I know she stayed at a hotel. I have evidence of her stay at the hotel. This is not the first time she has lied about her whereabouts.

Additionally, her husband is in a lot of financial trouble from buying a house that is more than he can afford so that he could please her and is now at risk of eviction. She is also preventing him from giving all of allowance to his daughter (her stepdaughter) because the daughter was rude to my sister and my sister wants her to apologise to her first.

Get in your own lane, why are you wanting to cause problems for her?

I worry for him, he looks depressed. I can't stand being around her knowing what she's doing to him. I'm sorry I have a conscience.

Are you close to your sister? You seem more concerned for her husband than for her. There might be issues in the marriage you don't know about, reasons she wants to get away to a hotel for a break. Have you asked her? It's never good to lie in a marriage, but if I were you I'd focus on communicating with your sister and encouraging her to be honest, but if she doesn't want your advice there's nothing you can do. If you interfere what do you think will be the result?

When you say allowance, do you mean pocket money that he gives your sister to give to his daughter, or is he supposed to give it to her directly but she has told him not to?

You need to support your sister and not her husband. Do you fancy him or something? How about you sit down with her and talk to her. Women are always blamed and you have no idea how hard a marriage is.. are you married?

Support her how? No I don't fancy him and yes I am married

Thanks. Talking to her about it resulted in her completely denying it and insulting me lol. We are since talking again but I guess there's nothing else I can than advise her what she's doing is wrong.

He gives directly to his daughter a monthly allowance which she told him to stop or give half until the daughter apologises to her for ignoring her and our mother at a family wedding.

Support her by being HER sister. Not your BIL’s informant. If you lied to your husband/needed to get away, would you like it if she went behind your back and told him? I always say, put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What she did hasn’t hurt anyone. As for the stepdaughter issue, she’s the step mum. I think you need to focus less on her life and more on your own.

When did I say I was thinking of telling him?

Please stop commenting on this thread when you are just talking rubbish. Thanks.

By the way you speak, you obviously condone cheating and wouldn't be surprised to hear that you cheat too. This thread is for people who are faithful to their spouses, thanks for stopping by

You asked for opinions OP. I just gave you one. And no I don’t condone cheating in the same way I don’t condone backstabbing. It’s good you spoke to your sister. Your loyalty remains with her. And you did say in your post “if you’re obliged to tell your sisters husband” that clearly means you’re thinking of telling him.

It would also be lovely to hear your sisters version of the story. “I’m a step mum and finding it difficult to navigate things especially as my step daughter isn’t respectful of me. I booked a night away to clear my head and now my own sister is accusing me of not telling the truth to my husband and I’m worried shes going to say something” seriously OP, give her a break and yourself one too.

You didn't give just an opinion though did you, you asked me if I fancy my bro in law lol. Have some respect when you speak.

And it's your opinion that it's backstabbing, not fact. Another person might call it doing the right thing, hence the post. You asking me if I fancy my bro
im law and telling me to mind my own business is not advice, its rude. A bunch of keyboard warriors we have here on Mumsnet that wouldn't have the guts to speak like that in real life

@witsend32
I think you are the kind of person who lives for themselves and doesn't care who they trample on in the process. By saying she's not hurting anyone by doing what she's doing is what a selfish person would say. Cheating hurts people even when that person isn't caught. You are just too selfish to understand that.

Clearly hitting a nerve there OP. I would have a real sit down and reflection within yourself. Maybe speak to your own husband about the situation and see what he has to say?

I spoke to my husband the day it happened. His thoughts were to give her an ultimatum - to tell him the truth, and if she doesn't, that I should tell him. And no, he didn't think for one second that I fancy him if that's what you thought would happen. You should sit down and reflect within yourself as to why you jumped to such a conclusion. My sister has a history of this kind of behaviour with men she dated, and once before in this marriage, so my question was purely out of concern for the inevitable breakdown of her marriage if she continues like
this.

Oh dear sister is dating and now going to hotels and lying to her husband? Is he a practicing man? Would it bother him where she goes?
If your husband agrees to say something. Then do so with the evidence you said you had. Just be sensitive about it and factual.
Regardless of the consequnces he has a right to know so he can make an informed decision about the future.
In Islam you have to be on the side of Haq family or not.
You can support your sister by giving her Nasi7a and reminding her of her duties and responsibilities and Allah.

Even if her home life is a mess that is no excuse for doing Harram.

@MixedBananas she didn't say her sister is dating someone now. She said she used to act this way when dating men in the past.

As tempting as it may be to tell the husband, Surah Nur verses 4 and 23 are very clear. So unless she's caught in flagrante, no one has the right to accuse her of cheating, or cause her husband to doubt and mistrust her. That is slander and rumour mongering.

It's true. I've just left it and then it was Eid and we behaved like nothing happened. It's been a few weeks since Eid and we haven't called each other or texted, just spoken via group chats. So def not the same as before. We didn't speak on the phone that regularly anyway, only the occasional FaceTime calls to see my daughter. Other that that, we usually catch up face to face when we meet as family, which was quite often until I went back to work full time. I wonder if things will ever go back to normal or if this is the new normal. They've been through a lot, they were recently evicted from their home.

Most families drift apart. Inlaws and new dynamics, kids, relocation, Jobs makes it hard. I speak to my Brothers once every 3 or 4 months gebuinly busy. I make effort for parents and inlaws but always very rushed. Schedules and free time clash. Even planning timea is hard. Not having a great relationship woth my SILs we only speak at famiky gatherings and keep it civil. It is hard as I have no sisters and always thought my SILs would be as we are all the same age. But nope. It is hard but that is my norm too.
We meet uo all together 4 times a year at most. Sometimes only twice. Big issue geographically which does not help matters.