Thinking About Reverting But Husband is Christian

[gruffaloes]

I was born Christian and have had a very strong faith in God all my life. In recent years I have become increasingly drawn to Islam, probably because I now live in a Muslim country and have found I feel happier and more secure in my faith. Morals and values here are more similar to my own and I have found many like-minded friends. Recently a friend reverted and my reaction made me realise I think that’s where I’m headed.

DH is Christian (atheist really), so am I able to revert and remain married? I made a vow to God/Allah that we would be married until we died. I already have a very strong belief/faith in Him, I could not discard something I have already promised. Not to mention that we have a strong marriage, we love each other, have two DC and I know he would be supportive of me.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

There are always challenges when one person in a marriage changes in so fundamental a way. A friend of mine wasn't practising when she got married (both Muslim) but when she started to her husband wasn't interested so it inevitably led to tensions. The thing that stood out to me most at the time was that she didn't discuss with him how she was feeling, so it must have come across to him as a very sudden change. Have you spoken to your husband? How does he feel about Islam and do you think he would be open to accepting it? At the end of the day, you can't pretend not to believe in something if you do, so my advice would be to go ahead with your Shahadah, alhamdulillah.

However, this would invalidate your marriage and you would need to make a fresh nikah if he accepts Islam. I have another friend who's husband never accepted it and she stayed with him. I can't judge her, it was hard, but I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that it would be considered as living in an unmarried union. May Allah swt make it easy for you xx

I would second what @ForPeaceSakeadvised.

Can you say more about feeling more secure in your faith since moving to a Muslim country?

It’s a few things all together. I suppose I’ve been able to be more ‘open’ and talk about God, church and my faith more because it’s normal to talk about these things with Muslim friends I’ve made. I’ve felt more comfortable centring God in my life and not ‘compartmentalising’ religion to ‘the bit where I pray at the end of the day and church on Sundays’.

Some of this has coincided with having children too, and realising it’s important to me that they have a strong faith.

Taken with a general sense where things from my dress sense to morality I’ve ‘fitted in’ more here with Muslim friends than with the British crowd (who are mostly unreligous) I have found myself wanting to get more involved with aspects of islam. I love the routine, and how as a religion it is centred more in everyday life and I think it would help me live a life closer to God.

To reply to another pp I have spoken about it with DH, and he ‘thinks it would suit me’. He is a wonderful man and always supportive of me. However he is equally strong in his own convictions as an atheist, I wouldn’t ask him to convert as it wouldn’t be genuine.

Everything you say makes perfect sense. You are right that Islam is a very ‘lived’ religion rather than something you do once a week or a couple of times a year.

I think you probably know that you will face some hurdles along the way but if you do decide to continue with this path, remind yourself that so many reverts faced very hard periods of time since becoming Muslim and that you should take everything one day at a time so as not to become overwhelmed and confused as some new reverts do. It is great that your husband is so far supportive and you seem very sensible in your outlook, bearing in mind that you have young children.

Perhaps don’t become too consumed for now about the issue of if it is allowed or not. As they say, Allah is the best of planners, and it is a delicate situation so it is hard to give a black and white one-size-fits-all answer. If you are convinced that Islam suits you and you believe it is the truth, keep learning and take your shahada and then, as I said earlier, take things one day at a time🙂.

Thank you, your comment is really comforting and I have no doubt I will come back to it. I will take things slowly, to read the Quran and talk to my friends (and maybe one of their imams).

I should mention that my husband (for various reasons) absolutely understands what converting would entail and I have no reason to suspect his support would wane. He did say he would probably convert if I asked him to, but I know that he wouldn’t believe and I am of the belief that Allah knows what is in your heart. Him converting would also hold bigger consequences for our family due to where we live (like wills and inheritance) so we would have to think about this very carefully.

Thank you all for talking to me. It feels like a lot of the material for reverts is for people that didn’t have a strong faith before. For me this feels very natural internally, but difficult ‘externally’.

Watch Sheikh Yusuf Eates story on his reversion and the story of how is wife also evevitably reverted. He is a great example. So many good stories to relate to fro. Imams and sheikhs online.

It is very hard, even born Muslims. You just need to be honest and transparent and explain. If it is something you are serious about then coming to terms with the inevitable separation/divorce is needed.
There is a story about this with the Prophets (peace be upon him) daughter Zainab. She married her cousin pre Islam. She became Muslim and he refused, he even foufht against the Muslims. But she still loved him but they divorced. And they both still loved one another. Eventually he accepted Islam and they were reunited she never let go of that hope he would change his mind and as her cousin she saw him a few times and would invite him to Islam always hopefully and prayed he would. Not a easy thing.

All the best of luck, may Allah guide you and your husband to the truth of islam, and bring you contenment - Ameen