Are we sinning from what our kids do?

[babymagic2022]

Salaam all,

I live with in laws since we married and we have a lovely cat. She belongs to my BIL who moved out last year, but left her here with us. He’s now fostering two cats but I don’t think he will be taking his own.

My 5 year old and 3 year old, usually annoy the cat. They are of course, told off, each time they do this, but I feel like it’s never ending and especially with the 3 year old, she constantly follows her and even pulled her tail a few days ago. I had to punish her with naughty corner and make her apologise to the cat. She mostly doesn’t let her breathe and it’s very unfair.

My question is, when our kids harm our cat and upset her, do we get the brunt of the sin? I’ve often thought this. My BIL should really have taken her when he left. He knew there are kids in the house and that they are always after her. I just worry that we’re responsible somehow for allowing it to happen. I feel like we’re not doing enough to stop the harm being caused to our cat. How many times can we tell them off?

Err no, what a ridiculous question. They are children & messing around although not ideal, they're not committing a sin. Nobody inherits the sin of another person, get that concept out of your brain. Where did you here that from?

what a rude and condescending response! Be kind since I was asking for information. ! It is an injustice to an innocent animal and I honestly thought we aren’t doing enough to stop it as it’s a daily occurrence and they’re not listening to us. So I thought we would be responsible for that.

Asalam @babymagic2022 as far as I’m aware we do not take on the sins of our children if we provide them with a good upbringing as we would have fulfilled our responsibility but we will be held accountable for their sins if we have failed to provide this. Allah knows best.

Thank you. I just hope whatever I’m doing to stop it, is enough. She’s an unwell cat aswell, which makes it worse 😔. I know eventually they’ll grow out of it, older one mostly has, but she’s an old and unwell cat and deserves to live in peace, poor baby

No you are fine but think about learning some strategies for dealing with your children so they listen to you and stop the unkindness. Do they listen to you about other things? Are they kind to each other?

@FondantFancyFan reply was perfectly fine and factual.

You're the one that snapped at her. Not very Islamic during this holy month, is it?

And if its a daily occurrence as you say, perhaps you arent bringing your kids up properly. 🤷‍♂️ (Based off of what you posted)

I can completely understand why you thought her reply was perfectly fine, since you have gone and posted an equally rude and condescending response, especially with your judgment as to how I’m raising my kids.

You could also say being rude and condescending, as you’ve also demonstrated, isn’t very Islamic during the holy month.

I do what I can with my kids, and I’m hoping that it is sufficient to avoid sinning, insha’Allah.

was hoping for some real advice, not judgment which is all you seem to have offered.

I didnt snap at you at all, however, you have done so to the other poster and now me.

And my inference about your kids was based directly off of what YOU posted.

Not me. I have zero opinion about you choose to raise your children.

You might want to give some thought to what you post before judging my Islamic credentials - especially since you are not in a position to do so.

Merry Eid to you in the meantime.

It's our responsibility as parents to raise our children as best we can, and to try to instil values of kindness and respect for others, including animal members of our households. At 3 and 5, I'd expect many children to be developing or already have an understanding that it's not ok to hurt animals on purpose - are they hurting the cat deliberately, or are they being overly tactile/getting too boisterous in their interactions?

How are you modelling/teaching appropriate interactions with animals? People might have some advice?

OP could you put some high places up where the cat could go to get away from the children, I don't know if a cat tree would work. Also could you make sure the kids are well occupied as much as possible so they are doing things with you or others rather than with the cat? Could getting your 3 year old her own toy cat, perhaps a toy that moves that she can play with instead of the real cat help? You can then keep redirecting her to her cat.

Exactly, you passed judgment, where it wasn’t asked for. You cannot assume anything based off the tiniest snippet I’ve posted.

you and the other poster were unfortunately rude. I could also say the exact same thing to you, when you decided to say that me ‘snapping’ was unislamic.

I would say those coming with rudeness and no words of kindness should give their responses some thought.

Eid Mubarak to you aswell.

I do need some new strategies, unfortunately I don’t have much of a creative streak, so it’s always the same old telling off and naughty corner. It doesn’t seem to work entirely. I feel like I have to tell them to listen a million times before they do anything I ask them to and I’m not sure why that is.

Well they don’t hurt her per se, so I would say the latter, but they do chase her around downstairs and sometimes stroke her the wrong way and roughly. She’s an old cat around 13 years old and so of course, this isn’t ideal. She needs rest.

They have seen me fawn over her, feed her, treat her like a baby. Probably a bit much, but when she’s looking so cute, I start calling her mushy words 😳, which they also witness. They know I treat her like a baby and stroke her in all the rights spots. I’ve taught them exactly how to stroke her in exactly all the right spots.

So as a beginning i will recommend telling them what the problem is rather than telling them off…. You were being rough with your toy. Now your toy is broken. That means nobody can play with it anymore. How sad….. when you pushed your sister it hurt her. She is crying. How do you think she is feeling? How could you show her you are sorry? …. I can see you are feeling angry, is it because you wanted to play with the football? You can, but you need to tidy these toys first….. when you chased the cat she didnt like it. Now she ran away. How do you think she is feeling? The next time she comes out what will you do? Etc etc. get rid of the ‘naughty corner’ they are pointless. Instead…. Oh i can see you arent ready to be calm/ show you are sorry. I will leave you here for a few minutes to have a think then i will come back and see if you are ready.” No discussions.

Thank you for the suggestions! We’ve tried a fluffy box that was higher up and she took no interest in it! We all spend on our pets but it seems they prefer their cardboard boxes!

my daughter had a small pink cat that she was obsessed with and used to take to nursery, I’ll try sparking her interest in that again. She does quite like her fluffy toys.

Ive even mentioned that we will have to give our cat to someone who will take care of her and let her live in peace, it worked for a couple days.

I might be wrong OP, but do you think DCs might be jealous of the attention the cat gets from you and that’s why they annoy the cat so much?

Okay, this has got me thinking because they are so nice and very gentle with other cats and animals in general.

I hope it’s not the case, because I show my kids a lot of love. I do everything for them as husband is always working and so they’re pretty clingy to me and prefer being with me over everyone else.

our cat is a beautiful girl and pretty much irresistible, but I think I should tone it down and see if that helps, though I’m going to feel awful turning her away as she always comes to me. I can see why you’ve said that though, kids do show jealously when they feel their attention is threatened.

Thank you for your suggestions and your willingness to help me. I really appreciate it.

I do agree I should concentrate on the feeling thing. At least that way they’ll be able to work on learning what empathy is. That does make sense 🩷

I would say those coming with rudeness and no words of kindness should give their responses some thought.

The irony is delicious. 🤦‍♂️

Didn’t take the advice then I see. If you’re only able to offer rudeness and no real advice, just don’t comment.
Have a nice day and leave the toxicity behind ☺️

Perhaps adhere to your own pseudo-advice before dishing it out to others.

May Allah swt have mercy on your cat at the hands of your kids.

Who says merry Eid???

I think what comes out is that the cat has been abandoned by the person who apparently loved her, maybe teach your kids to look after the cat: help with feeding and grooming. Show them how to love the cat and they’ll love him/her. It maybe that the rest of the family needs to learn to love the cat.

You were the one initiating rudeness and passing judgment, with no real advice to offer. I responded with assertion and you spun it on me. Manners are free ☺️

They’ll happily feed and stroke her. But then also start chasing her and while they’ve not hit her thankfully, they’ve definitely strokes her with heavy hands which she hates. Whenever they come to stroke her, I immediately remind them to do it how ive shown them (back of their hands) with gentle force.

I do think she would have been way more at peace if he took her. But it is what it is. We will do our best to ensure her peace on our part as she is an old cat around 13 years old.