Taraweeh

[Glenda56]

I have a toddler and a new born. Currently I sleep on the sofa, although I get only a couple of hours sleep at night. I don't get a chance to catch up on sleep during the day because of the toddler. My husband sleeps in our room with the toddler. She still wakes up once for a feed at night.

My husband is going to taraweeh salah every night this Ramadan leaving me to put the toddler to bed while holding the newborn. My evenings are incredibly stressful, and by the time he's back from the masjid I am exhausted.

I haven't asked him not to go to Taraweeh but hoped we could come to some sort of arrangement that would allow me to rest a bit during the day. I didn't go about this the right way. I went upstairs today to see if I could sleep in my room while my husband watched the children (the newborn was sleeping, and I had fed the toddler lunch). I haven't slept on a bed in 1 month. I found my husband sleeping there. I was a bit rude to him, as was he to me. He's accused me of being disrespectful. I said things I didn't mean and regret.

He won't talk to me for a few days at least. I'll continue sleeping on the sofa and getting very little rest, so nothing will change and nothing really has been achieved.

I'm not sure why I'm posting. I suppose I'd be grateful to hear experiences of other mums and how they manage in Ramadan, and any guidance about how go navigate my situation.

Thanks

Allah knows best your situation, but from what you’ve said I think your husband should support you sleeping during the day and let you sleep on the bed too at night, why are you always on the sofa?. I am shocked you have not been able to sleep in a bed or sleep well at all, does he realise the hardship this is causing you?! Inshallah you can discuss with him in a calmer way and find a resolution. I can understand you speaking rudely due to the lack of support you are having. Does he show any sympathy to you? X

Not speaking to you for several days sounds very awful but without detail of the argument I cannot make a full judgement, but it sounds like you are not being treated well by him from what you’ve said above.

also is there any family who could help care for the children during the day or evenings so you can rest more?

Salams,
You’ve just had a baby, by new born I’m assuming under 12 weeks(?) and you’re on the sofa!!! No! Your body needs to recover. You need rest.

The not talking to you for a few days is ridiculous. I’d sit down and have an honest conversation that this is really hard, you need help, you need support, your body has had two babies in 2/3 years sleeping on the sofa is unacceptable.

unfortunately some men just don’t have any clue about how exhausting it all is and can be quite selfish without seeming to realise. You need to be more forthright with how tired you are and what you need. He will likely complain and say you are unreasonable but you know you are not. If he continues to refuse is there a way to get your bed back? Could you sleep with both children in the room or get another mattress for him to use in the living room? Dont exhaust yourself like this, your long term health will suffer and you will be resentful of him. Is there any way to be in the bedroom in the day time with the door closed and toddler on a screen so you can close your eyes? Needs must.

Asalamu Alaykoum sis. I have the same situation here. Toddler and 7 month old.
DH sleeps woth toddler who sleeps through the night but he deals with any wake ups due to sickness or nightmares.
My 7 month old and I sleep in the main bedroom and DH and toddler in his room.

DH does most of his Taraweeh at home and made that sacrifice for the family so that's I could have my evenings to pray.

The things we do to make it managsbke in this time is split duties. As I cook and clean and do childcare all day. When DH geta back from work he takes both children for an hour uostairs while I have some time for me and prepping iftar. When he is home he will so night time routine for toddler (he KOs after 5mins) and then heads downstiara to wash up after Iftar. I will put baby to sleep at 8pm. Then I have 1.5hours until I go to bed. I spend 30mins helping with any clean up hanging / folding washing. Then I get ready for bed. I pray Isha do a little taraweeh myself then go to bed around 9:45pm.
My youngest wakes up it 1am - 3am - 5am - 6am. So I have to have a good stretch iof sleep the first part of the night.
Iwake up for suhur at 4am pray - oat and then do fajr and then baby often wakes up just as I get back into bedm as I nurse the baby I wipp read some Quran on my phone app. Sometimes i sleep 1 hour sometimes nothing at all.

The best thing we did was make sure toddler was fully weaned before i feel pregnant with second child. I knew ot would be challenging otherwise. So we weaned early at 18months. Inhad planned until 2 years but I didn't want to do pregnancy and newborn life with a toddler still nursing when we don't have a "village" for help at all. It is just me and DH.

It is not Wajib to attend Taraweeb at the masjid every night he can stay home and donmaybe 2 or 3 days at the masjid.
On the weekends he xan also take the children out for a few hours in between feeds so you have time to rest and ahower etc.

Parent life is about organization and the first 3 years of a child life is about major sacrifices and compromises.

When my Toddler dropped his nap I knew I would never be able to "sleep when baby sleeps" ever again. That saying nakea me twitch. BUT on the weekends when your husband doesn't work he can take toddler out all day so you can be at home with baby and sleeps when baby sleeps.

Baby wearing is fantastic when you need hands free time. I did it from week 2 once healed up. Woven wrap and off i went clwaning and cooking and going for walks with toddler.

It is a tough time inam in solidarity with you but a husband who doesn't chip in and compromise is not going to help.

Try talk when things have calmed down.

I would apologies for the name calling and shouting and see his reaponse if he has capmed down then go talk gob him. Be factual. Don't be emotional, men don't understand that unfortunately. It might help if you write it down and stick to what is written so you are hot tempted to rant and go off on a tangent.

All the best.