Adhd

[Reallyyyyyy]

Selam ladies. I'm currently deciding to go to the GP and ask for a ADHD referral. I feel like I'm failing with life. I have had a suspicion i have ADHD for a couple of years and a friend gently suggested I might have it a while ago who had just gone through the process. I took the quiz on right to choose and it suggests i may have.

To be honest I have no.doubts I have it. My actual problem is DH!!

I know you should be able to share and tell your spouse anything but he is of a culture where I would be branded 'crazy' and be just won't understand. Probably because I have been masking and it's really taking its toll on me now.

Would it be unreasonable to hide this from him, until I have been referred or even until medication (if needed) has been prescribed. Or even just never tell him? Would that be awful?

I could tell him literally anything else but this, I don't think I can!

We have been together 17 years and have 4 kids and we own and run our businesses together. Having a diagnosis and treatment would benefit us both.

Maybe just should go through with it. If I see a positive change then tell him?

I have made the initial gp appointment. I will have a think before I go. It's not for 2 weeks

Wasalaam, sister. It can be so hard when family members are unsupportive and don't understand health issues. Is this something you want to talk to your DH about at this stage? What would you find helpful?

You could try istikhara for guidance?

Thank you sis
I'm not sure its worth even trying to talk about it with him. He will either think I'm crazy or say that it's just not correct.

Istikhara is a good idea. Thank you

Asalamu Alaykoum sis. Could you speak to a sheikh. Ask HUDA take whatsapp calls live. Your can speak to Dr Sheikh Muhammad or Sheikh Assim Al Hakeem.

I don't think anyone can encourge you to lie to your husband about this potential condition. It would be beat to speak to a sheikh and calls in the relationship to him.

I'm in a similar situation or have been. The diagnosis will take years, absolutely no need to tell him and no you aren't lying to him as previous poster said, you're just going to find it easier to tell him when you have more info etc.

How did it go with with gp appointment?

Also, you can start to talk to him about your ADHD affects you without ever having to use the word ADHD eg 'you know I realise I really easily lose track of time and my brain just doesn't seem to be able to accurately judge how long something takes me, I think I'm going to get an extra clock put in the kitchen and another near the door..would you mind reminding me if I'm running late appointment x?'

I'm not saying you find time blindness an issue but the above example shows how you can start to discuss coping strategies with having to bring up the word ADHD.

Ps my husband was not supportive or helpful with my ADHD diagnosis and actually made me feel a lot worse.

@WhyDidHehavetodothat sepam sis and eid mubarak! Im sorry I didn't see your reply!

I actually chickened out and cancelled the GP appointment. A good friend of mine sat me down the other day. We have kids in the same activity and she said I need to get on with it basically and not to worry about telling him (she said it in a nice way!)

So I have decided to try again as I'm struggling quite a bit at the moment and it's effecting me emotionally too.

She also has adhd and guided me through the process so I'm pulling up my big girl pants and calling Monday morning.

Thank you for your advice. I think my plan of action is to keep it to myself. If medication is decided and is effective I will then broach it with him as inshallah he will see a good difference in my life and then be accepting.

Eid Mubarak to you too my lovely!

I'm so excited to read your post because I have also been thinking I really need to get a move on and chase my GP about a referral. I know it can take years and my GP is a bit rubbish - no regular doctor just locums - so I plan on changing GP and then really chasing up about ADHD diagnosis.

I'm a new mum now and ADHD has affected every part of my life and my husband just does not accept it as an excuse for anything which makes it a lot harder.

Also, did you call them?

@WhyDidHehavetodothat no I didn't 🤯🙈 i keep putting it off. That and the suregey won't let me book at any time of the day for a later date. They want us to call at 8am as if it was an appointment for today. But I'm driving on the school run and cant do it then! So not sure what to do

When you see your GP ask for the lath of right to choose. This is quicker than the traditional route..but be quick as they are stopping this soon I heard!

Why use poison? If you suspect it then use dietary changes to reduce symptoms. Also worth trying Ruqiyah and Hijamma.

Put your phone on speaker ohone or blutooth to make the call.

But unfortuantly we people choose to marry within a culture where open discussions and chats are not normal then you have to pove with it. And then just find other ways to off load, journalling? Speaking to a parent etc etc. You cant change someone who is deep rooted in their culturre, hence why I always tell people born in the UK to think long and hard abaout marrying "back home".

@MixedBananas I havent married someone from "back home" I'm a white British revert. I reverted when I was 16. My husband is middle Eastern and been in the UK 10 years before I met him....

Also, not all cultures or people within cultures have these view points. So that's not a great thing to suggest!

Gosh, I'm not sure why medication is referred to as poison and I find it odd the attitudes towards ADHD . ADHD is to do with how our brains work and how they are wired differently, lack of dopamine being a significant factor...why would I do try rukiyah for that? I'm not possessed!!

Also, my husband has lived her since the age of 2. These weird attitudes towards ADHD are definitely not a 'back home' thing but rife amongst people in the UK that think ADHD is a fad and have v little knowledge of it.

I am from the middle east and that's is just as bad as any other place where culture is above all else.

A big reason I never married from middle eastern descent is the culture and 10years is nothing! 😂 you can take the Arab out of the middle east but can't take the middle east out the arab.
Not sure what culture your DH. but I have family and friends from all over Egypt, Iraq and yes it is a big issue.
My DH is not Arab for this very reason.
I have a very Arab father who has lived in the UK for 40years but he is still very Arab.
And with time most men go back to what they know..... The familiarity of their culture and upbringing.

Because most paychologist have said that it is not effective. And that's diet and lifestyle are needed in order to change the outcome. Thats why.