Husband always going out

[Kloppe33]

I'm 9mo pregnant with a toddler. Since I got married, my husband has always spent at least 3 evenings a week out from 5-6pm to 9.30-10pm (although it's frequently later). These past few weeks, he's been out moreso, 4-6 evenings a week. These outings are all with his teenage son (from a previous marriage) doing sports or mosque gatherings. A few times a year they'd stay over at the mosque also. He also travelled with his son last summer and left me pregnant at home alone for 3 weeks. We'd been married a few months.

It bothered me a lot as a newly wed and I have communicated this with him but nothing changed. When I had my first child, nothing changed. When I fell pregnant again nothing changed. I've been struggled with the pregnancy and handling the toddler but my husband doesn't really seem bothered. Yesterday I had a nasty fall while they were out in the evening and had to go go maternity triage. My husband came home to put the toddler to bed while I went to the hospital. They told me I'd need to come back this morning for further tests. Husband and his son had football this morning and decided that was more important than taking to the hospital. So they went, and I had to wait for them to come back to watch the toddler so I could go to the hospital this afternoon (hours later than I was told).

This has made me desperately unhappy, but husband doesn't see it. He thinks I have unreasonable expectations of him/family life and resents me for suggesting he's not fulfilling his responsibilities as a husband/father.

What exactly can I do?

I would b really upset if my husband did this. I mean for him not to take it seriously the fall is beyond me. Have you got family support? I would suggest asking someone to talk to him about his responsibilities as a married man. How did his first marriage end? He should still see his son ofcourse and going to the mosque is good but he has to balance this with a pregnant wife and toddler.

Thanks for responding.

His family is not in the UK, and there is no one in my family besides my mum who could speak to him. I don't think it would help to have anyone speak to him though. He's very stubborn, and gets very defensive whenever I bring up my discontentment.

His son actually lives with us.

I'm really in a bad place mentally. I feel incredibly lonely in my marriage, very scared about the impending childbirth and having to care for a newborn alongside my toddler. I'm so on edge and anxious, but it doesn't matter how much he hears me talk about these things or how much he sees me cry, nothing at all changes.

Did you post about this before sis ? Your story sounds familiar. Could you take your toddler and live with your mum for some time? I think you need to get away from your situation for your own mental health. You deserve so much better x

Unfortunately yes have posted before 😔

I can't go to my mum for various reasons. It's just not an option.

I oscillate from wanting to work things out with him, and feeling a bit sorry for him that he's married me, and that he doesn't know how to handle things, to really needing to leave.

I don't think he's a bad man. I just think we struggle to communicate and perhaps are both stubborn/stuck in our ways, and cannot reconcile our expectations of one another and of marriage.

Sorry I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Thanks again for responding.

I'm sorry your going through this. See if things change after the new baby. Get some married counselling. This is no way to live ur life. If ur not suited its better to move on I know its easier said than done with a toddler and new baby. U sound lonely. Do you have any friends ?

Remind him of his duties towards the family. Especially towards you who A) required a Mahram to travel and B) the mother of hia children. Thats amazing he wants to foater a strong bond with his son. Have your asked him or know why he spends so much time. Is it to keep him away from trouble. Is there reason for concern? It doesn't sound pike a fair balance. Your health is priority over outings etc.

I think you both need to have a non judgmental heart to heart.
Thise saying to leave. Nope. This is not Islamic advice but one of a secular mentality.
You shouldn't leave your matrimonial home. If you need some breathing space maybe a few days at the grandparents. Distance makes the heart grow founder.
You need to be tactful in your approach and not use this feminist mentality that will lead to devastation.
I dont agree this oa grounds for divorce but it is concerning and I would be curious as the reason for spending more time with his son. Maybe something there he has not shared with you.