Positive pregnancy test 2 days ago, Talaq × 3 yesterday

[B9r0kre]

I've been advised on another thread to post on here, to get some cultural / Islamic advice on my situation. Sorry, it's a bit long.

Some bits that might help - He's actively practicing, he's moroccan and we got married Islamiclly here in the UK. (Just the sharia law marriage certificate) We're both on the tenancy of the rented house. (I'm not moroccan, I'm British btw)

I've been married 4 and a half years, have a 3 year old girl and have just found out I'm pregnant 2 days ago with our second. Not expected, as I'm on the pill so it was a shock. Going back a few weeks, he was reported by a family member for controlling behaviour and the police got involved. I had also shared some details with my doctor about concerns, so they referred the social services and DV team to come and see me and our girl for support. My husband was aware of this, and agreed to make changes and build on our marriage and become a healthy relationship for our daughters sake. Fast forward to 2 days ago, I found out I'm pregnant and he started accusing me of doing this on purpose to trap him (Bare in mind I've given him ample opportunities to leave, after catching him on tinder several times) and said I'd not been taking my pills. I had to show him my pills!! He started packing his things saying "If you carry on with this pregnancy, I'm not staying in this situation " and dragging his suitcases down the stairs. He called me that night, and said "i just need a break, 3 or 4 days to clear my head". Fine. But, yesterday morning he'd texted and asked to come and get a pillow and a blanket which I agreed. He started packing his coffee machine, Moroccan tea set, tools... Clearly not for a few days?! He made out I was crazy for asking whether this is it or not, and why he was packing every single thing for just a few days.
We sat down at the kitchen table and I got heated and emotional, and said "If you leave now when I need you the most, and just finding out I'm pregnant, you can divorce me on your way out" and that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq." Handed his keys in, and said "Thanks for everything and good luck". Haven't seen him since.

Is this a valid divorce? How is that fair? I think it's so, so, cruel and painful that he's allowed to do this. He's tried to say its ME who's initiated the divorce, so he did what I wanted. But that's not what I said, I said if he leaves me now whilst I need him the most... it was his choice to throw "talaq" around easily.
Any advice welcome 💗

Is it valid? Yes.

And yes, you did initiate it because you said yourself, that "If you leave now when I need you the most, and just finding out I'm pregnant, you can divorce me on your way out" and that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq."

Seems like you a backtracking because he made good on your threat.

Why would NOT want it to be valid? You’ve said that he has been
-controlling
-social services involvement
-domestic violence
tinder

Why don’t you say Alhamdulilah and build a life for you and your kids without him. Its not ideal, it will be challenging but its better than being married to someone who doesn’t want to be there or abusive?

I am really sorry that you are going through this. Please take sometime for yourself to see what is best for you.

I would really recommend you get advice from a scholar on this matter. There are different schools of thought on divorce and reconciliation. If you both do decide to reconcile please do seek therapy and help for your marriage.

Salaam alaykum sister. People on both threads are saying 'good riddance' but I understand that it is not easy to throw away 4 years of marriage just like that. I don't agree with the PP who said you instigated this divorce. You were in the middle of an argument where you were both emotional, and both of you spoke in anger, so neither of your statements hold water. The key question now is what do you want to do? Do you want him back or do you want to separate?

You say you received a shariah certificate. Do you know if the officiant was also a registrar? If so, then the marriage would be legally binding in the UK. Otherwise, it isn't and therefore the process of dissolving it if that's what you want can be easier.

I'm surprised he's issued an ultimatum of 'If you carry on with this pregnancy' as abortion is not an option for practicing couples except for medical reasons. Rather than advise you what to do, I'd like to hear what YOU want. Is the abusive behaviour a constant feature of the marriage? Have you tried counselling? Are family supportive? Can you see a better future with him if he were to come back and apologise or would it be more of the same? If he is abusing you and cheating on you, then you have an absolute right to seek a dissolution of the marriage if that is what you want. May Allah swt make it easy for you.

Assalamu alaikum sister.

From a legal perspective, if you didn't have a civil component to your marriage to make it legally recognised in the UK, then separation is logistically more straightforward in that there's no civil processes needed, if that's what you both want.

Is it what you want?

Honestly, he sounds awful. Trying to blame you for a pregnancy (takes two people's bodies to conceive, you were taking precautions and if he wasn't willing to accept the potential for an unexpected pregnancy then he should have abstained until he was or taken more precautions himself), stomping off and leaving his wife and daughter but coming back for his tools and his tea set, etc is not remotely mature or respectful or acceptable. Controlling behaviour and domestic abuse requiring police and social work involvement is really concerning. And he's been on Tinder too? Ugh. If I were in your situation, I'd probably be saying Alhamdulillah that, although it's a painful situation, I'd be getting some freedom back from a controlling, potentially unfaithful and unpleasant man. But what do you want? Have you any relatives or close friends in real life you can speak with about what you've been going through?

There are different schools of thought on the validity of triple talaq in one go. Some scholars are of the opinion that the three talaqs need to be said on three separate occasions, as sometimes people speak in anger and say things they regret.

I honestly wouldn't rush to take back a man who has been controlling and abusive, blamed you and walked out on you when you've discovered your pregnant, abandoned his daughter in the process of his strop, who's been indulging his lusts on Tinder, and who lacked the respect to protect your rights with a legally recognised marriage in your country of residence. You deserve better than that. Your daughter deserves to know that Muslim women deserve better than that.

Even without a legally recognised marriage in the UK, he's liable for child maintenance for your daughter and for your new baby when they arrive insha'Allah. You don't have to put him on the birth certificate either.

If you haven't already, get some pregnancy vitamins and book in with your local midwives for antenatal care. I'd also suggest (sorry) an STI screen - his behaviour screams "can't be trusted" and you already found him looking at Tinder.

Do you feel safe? You might want to also change the locks and get a Ring doorbell or similar. I'd also let anyone involved in childcare for tour daughter know both about him walking out and the recent controlling behaviour and domestic abuse concerns - ask them to not allow him to pick her up by himself just now, at least.

Asalamualykum sorry you're going through this. May Allaah swt guide you to what is best and make things easier for you ameen.

Hes actively practising what exactly? Because these are not the actions of how a Muslim should behave so not sure what he's practising.

Is he a british national?
Why is he saying you are trying to trap him? Trap him into what? He's already married to you islamically and a dad to the 3 year old right?

Best to get the correct islamic information from a scholar.
He should pay cm for his children regardless of if he is with you or not. He also needs to step up and be a father! Even if you divorce, in islam mother is always and forever your mum and your biological dad is always and forever your dad and we will be called by our fathers names son/daughter of so and so....
I hope you can get some help in real life.