I (F, 30s) had a troubled childhood with a narcissistic father but managed to carve a life for myself alhamdulillah. Also as a result of out upbringing me and my siblings have been pretty close. One brother (brother 1) is mentally unwell (psychotic/very very difficult) but still I managed to maintain a close relationship with him. I'm also super close to my mum, and have always made an effort to remain in touch with extended family even though we did not grow up with them.
Over the past few years, my brother's mental illness has worsened, as has his treatment of my parents, my father in particular. My father ended up leaving the family home, leaving my mum with nothing, and refuses to give her an Islamic divorce. He's also taken her marriage certificate so we cannot prove they're married in another country (never had a civil marriage in the UK). He's spent the last few years slandering her and his children (me in particular as the one who has always stood by and supported my mum). The situation is now very dire in terms of her finances, housing, her health. I got married amidst all the drama and stopped working to start a family so can no longer support her.
She lives in my father's house (his name on the deed only although she did contribute to bills and household expenses) with my brothers (the one that's ill is away at the moment to give my mum and my other brother some respite). So brother 2 is the youngest and because of all the issues with brother 1, me and my mum have always tried to protect him (in the fear that my father's abuse may affect him in the same way it has affected brother 1), so he's been sheltered and spoilt growing up. He's also the only one who has receieved a substantial sum of money from my dad before he left. He has a good job and could leave and live elsewhere but remained in my dad's house with my mum to help his save for a house. He has since bought a house which he lets out.
Before I married I was supporting my mum financially, paying for all our holidays (even though brother 2 worked), paying for meals out and food shopping for my mum etc. I had a convo with brother 2 about how it is his place now to support my mum once I marry. He's is a better financial position than I was (I had rent to pay, no savings, living from pay check to pay check) when I was supporting my mum. He agreed.
I have since learnt that he hasn't been paying her anything, and has in fact being getting her to pay for his car insurance and health insurance. This has put her in debt but he was oblivious. When I found out I sorted out the debt situation, and calmly instructed him to change the DD so they are taken from his account. He agreed. But he still hasn't done this.
A few days ago I was visiting my family and we had an altercation. In the heat of the moment everything I had been bottling up about brother 2 came out. I told him that he was selfish, deluded to think his success in life was because of himself and not thr unwavering support of 2 women, that he should be ashamed and embarrassed of how he is using our mum, and to man up.
My mum has since accused me of being an abuser, of being like my father, of being envious of my brother. They've both ridiculed my mental health (keep telling me I'm mentally unwell), and making unkind comments about my husband and marriage. My mum has said she doesn't want to see or hear from my again, and I doubt very much I will ever patch things up with brother 2.
I am not in contact with my father (he doesn't respond to my messages or return my calls), and my extended family remain distance geographically and otherwise. I cannot live a life estranged also from my mother and brothers. This is not the life I want for myself and my children, and I also fear the spiritual/religious implications of breaking ties of kinship given how important this is in our religion.
Thanks so much if you've managed to get to the end of this waffling post.