Practising husband has become extreme in my opinion (long post)

[Meryemg]

I am uk he is turkish we live in turkeyWe have been married 17 year's he has always adhered to his religion would prayer 5x fast give charity and avoid sinning in general we were both well matched in lifestyle i am not so adhered never was. In dec 23 i went away for 3 weeks to visit an unwell family member during this time he become involved in the nakişbendi order(suffism) i notcied changes as soon as i come back he was constantly using his tespih(beads) farz prayer become longer he also was praying sunnah and nafile prayers he was using a turbent for prayers and also has a certain number of zikir he has to make daily currently 7000 but this will change every 4 months it is to help soften the heart and cleanse you're worldly ego other changes are he no,longer wears shorts wont watch most things on the telly wants to avoid the beach due to visual haram oral sex he says ia no longer comfo with it is frowned upon for me this all seems like to much I didn't choose to marry a man who wants to live like an imam i choose a balanced individual who was reapectful and adhered his religion but it didnt rule our lives. This is causing so much stress in our marriage he says its me I should respect his wishes and he is not affecting me but he is as we spend less time togeather oral sex was important to me and he just says sorry this is me now ive never felt so happy i either accept this or i choose to leave please someone help advise

Leave. Easy.

Easier said than done we have 3 children to consider. İ feel guilty to just leave a man who has done me no harm has always cared and been a devoted loving dad i feel like a bad person for notneanting to accept this new religious lifestyle he wants to lead

Would he let you divorce him and take the children?

Is it only the sex you're bothered about?

Salaam, I remember you posted about issues with this previously - were you able to ask him about couples counselling, or get him to look at other perspectives?

What would need to change for you to feel happy with the marriage, and how likely is it that he'll be willing to make those changes?

What would be the pros and cons of staying vs leaving for you?

Yes if he knew i was unahppy and couldn't see a future. But my life has been here with him so starting again would be very daunting and scary for me and the kids.
No I think there being religiously conscious and theres being over religious and that's what he has decided is good for him we used to go get şnto bed togeather now most of the time he has to stay on and conplete his zikir etc he hasent done while working he is then out of the bed again at 3.30am until 5.30am preforming prayer zikir etc ita all way to deep and too much for me to accept i loved him as he was i still love him ofcourse but he has changed his priorities in life

If his changes end the marriage then any guilt belongs to him and not you surely

It's a lot about him isn't it. What about you ? What about you want ? How would he like it if you withheld sex as he is withholding oral ? I always believe the Muslim religion is very much focused on the man. Women are second class and it's double standards. Women are repressed. It sounds as though he has been radicalised in some way and I wouldn't go along with it.

this is the third time you've posted about this @Meryemg you've been given plenty of advice before. what do you want from this thread?

this board is primarily for Muslim mumsnetters. so if you are not Muslim, kindly go away.

your opinion on Islam is irrelevant because it is clearly based on ignorance. please note there is a difference between islam and what muslims do. many Muslims are misogynistic as are many individuals from all sorts of backgrounds. islamic theology has nothing to do with that.

this man is not being radicalised. he has simply become more religous. can he be more sensitive on how he engages with his wife? absolutely. could he just be a selfish man? 100%. but there is no evidence of him being radicalised.

@pandasorous
Why is it necessary for you to keep score ?

Meryemg is facing a fundamental upheaval in her life - and she needs time and support to process what's happening, what she wants and how to achieve this.

@Meryemg - you say one of the reasons you can't leave is that he has done you no harm. However I respectfully disagree - he has changed his life in such a way as to negatively impact on yours. This may not have been his intention to hurt you, but this is what has happened.

My apologies I don't fully understand the Islamic way of life but what I understand that husbands and fathers are considered the head of the family so at some point it is likely he will bring his faith into all aspects of family life and the relationships with you and the children. Is this something you are happy to embrace ? Not just content, but welcoming ?

We can't answer this for you - all we can do is provide a sounding board for you as you process this dilemma.

I can see how it would be difficult for one person within a marriage to become significantly more or less religious, but he isn't doing anything wrong. Could you not consider supporting him? It sounds like he is trying to draw closer to God.

it's not a question of keeping score.
a lot of supportive and helpful advice was provided in previous threads. she seems to have ignored all of it.

It is selfish for a married man to behave in this way. He is living like a religious single man but because he believes he has God on his side you will not budge him.

So take the children and leave. Let him feel your absence and remember that being a good husband is also part of his religious duty. You will also teach your children not to accept scraps from their own spouse.