Extended vs. nuclear family

[Twoheliumballoons]

There is a very interesting conversation going on in chat about the support of extended family, neighbours and friends vs. living and relying just on a nuclear unit. I thought I'd put this in the Muslim forum to talk about people's lived experiences.

I live with my husband and kids and we have always lived independently. Both sets of grandparents are in the same town as us and when the children were younger we had good support from both sides of the family. This was provided for my return to work but not really any day to day help.

I got severe PND and on reflection I wonder if it may have helped to be living in an extended family. It wasn't the traditional support that I would have received if we lived in our native country. Nobody stayed with me after the births of the kids and after DH disappeared off to work two weeks later, I was on my own. I didn't even ask for help because I assumed that I just had to cope. It has made me vow to be more present in the early days as a grandparent insha'Allah so that I can support my children through a really tough time. Do Muslim mums now also do it all on their own or are the extended family setups still providing support?

I have a nuclear family setup but have extended family living in nearby cities. Day to day it's just DH, myself and the DC.
My little one has health issues which can mean she sometimes has to unexpectedly be rushed into hospital, in times like that I wish I had family closer, especially when it is in the middle of the night.
When it comes to raising children they say 'it takes a village' growing up I had that village. Extended family all living within walking distance and neighbours who became like family.

But for now, our current family set up works for us. Although we don't have extended family in the same city, they are not too far away.
I visit often and my DC always look forward to holidays at their grandparents.
Whether I would want to move to be closer to my extended family? I'm not too sure. Nuclear and extended both have pros and cons and sometimes it's easy to look at the other with rose tinted spectacles.

You're right @Parkingt111 there are definitely pros to the nuclear family setup. My children are now older and this is how we are used to living. However, I don't know if this is something to do with being Asian, but I carry a lot of guilt for not living closer to in-laws or parents as they age. It feels like it's their turn to be looked after now but our lives are so busy that we don't have nearly enough time to support from a distance as we would if we were closer. It makes me sad about the breakdown of the traditional Asian family.

I know that extended families also bring with them a lot of hardship and frustration, and Islamically we're entitled to live separately, but those generations looked after their elderly and now nobody is looking after them.