Oral

[Meryemg]

Have lead a long healthy happy marriage with my dh he had always been a practising Muslim I am also very religous conscious.
At the beginning of the year my dh decided to become .ore conscious and spend more time performing prayer sunnah kur'an and also joined a suffism group. We have always had a active enjoyable sex life untill recently were he now says oral sexs makes him religiously uncomfortable and even if there is no clear evidence it is haram it is very close to haram and as his human right I guess I have to respect that but I have become very unhappy with the situation I feel slightly deprived and this is causing some arguments or me to become irritable with him because I am not reaching the full pleasure from my marriage I have always been used too please can anyone advise or have a similiar situation

Assalamu alaikum

There are different opinions across schools and between scholars regarding the acceptability of oral sex, so it's not a debate that has a clear-cut, definitive "yes" or "no" conclusion. Some people enjoy it, some people don't, and both perspectives are valid.

If this is something your husband doesn't want to do or have done in the bedroom, then he has the right to withdraw or withhold consent for it. Consent is essential and any person has the right to say "actually, I don't want to do this thing".

I'm assuming that your husband has concerns about the performance of such acts in both ways (that is, that he wouldn't want to be either giving or receiving) - if he's expecting to still receive it but not give it, then it could be worth reminding him that the views of most scholars don't seem to distinguish between women and men giving it. Consistency in practice is important, after all...

Even if this is something he's not comfortable with at the moment, there are still lots of ways in which you can both be close and enjoy each other. His views today may not always be his views in the days to come, too - people can explore different perspectives on things before finding what feels like the best 'fit' for them. Maybe you could explain to him that you absolutely support and respect his work on developing his faith and practice, and that you absolutely respect his right to give or not give consent to intimate activities, and at the same time, you hold a different opinion about the permissibility/acceptability of this type of intimacy. You could give him the names of a couple of scholars with whom you agree, so that he can read their views.

Thank-you may Allah be pleased with you. It feels such a difficult situation because I am not 100 feeling like we have the same marriage now we are excluding certain foreplay etc it's causing me to feel miserable and the the whole household is affected I don't want to push for this as mentioned it's his rights to withfrain from things he feels aren't lawful in islam but it is also a religion of encouragement for sexual satisfaction and I feel I no longer have this so much so we had decided to try for one more blessing(baby) but I am now feeling this isn't a good idea because I don't feel happy like I did in this marraige I guess I'm trying to discover if it's just me or if my feelings are valid

I think everyone's feelings are valid, and it's a challenge for a relationship when spouses have different opinions on things that are important to them. Maybe there could be other things you could both explore in your physical relationship and try to see an opportunity to branch out and maybe find something new that you both like... You could also look into Islamic marriage counselling - there are some really supportive and knowledgeable counsellors out there who could insha'Allah help you both to navigate this.

I wouldn't make a final decision about another child at this stage, there's so many variables that could change. Maybe pray istikhara if you're unsure, too?

it definitely isn't "haram" , maybe disliked (makruh)... but either way if he is uncomfortable that's all that matters

however, islamically, it is his duty to ensure that your rights to sexual satisfaction is fulfilled. so he should step up and find ways to ensure that you find new ways to optimise the situation. it is something you can maybe discuss.

I seem to remember you posted before about this? it feels like there are bigger issues at play here. if he has found a murshid, he should ask his murshid regarding the permissability of these acts. it could just be that he just doesn't want to do it anymore and is using his faith as a get out of jail free card?

also don't have a child in a challenging marriage.