Husband not as practicing and I worry for my children

[iamaworrier]

Hi,

When I met my husband, my faith and religion was important to me and we both aligned in our journey. 10 years of marriage and kids later I have found myself becoming closer to Allah(SWT), even moreso for my children. I would like to lead by example for them.

Yes I am human, I am not able to pray 5x a day but look forward to when I an as my children get older.

I have been patient with my husband and giving him time to grow but I feel like he only really shows progress because I want him to, for the sake of our children.

I worry my son will not have a great example. My husbands family are not 'religious', good people however but lack imaan.

I don't think there is anything I can do but I do feel heart broken, for my children mostly. My husband is a great husband, very supportive, he works also and likes spoiling the children. I think it comes down to his parents not teaching him islamically and therefore he doesn't know how to teach our children but at the same time I just feel there is a lack of effort when people are able to revert through their own research.

Just need some moral support...I sometimes just cry about it.

You say it's a lack of effort into researching how to teach his children, but is it possible it's not lack of effort but actually that he just doesn't want to?
I can see faith is important to you and in a lot of ways when it comes to faith we want our children to have the childhood and learning experience that we had. This is only really a problem if, in your case, you grew up with faith differently. If his parents are not particularly religious it's possible he also wants your children to grow up in the same way he did?

Perhaps, don't force him in to it. Just because you think his faith isn't as strong as yours - why does it have to be? Your kids will be fine. They live in a highly modern life and faith can come in many ways.

Apologies, I read the thread title but didn't see that it was in the Muslim Mumsnetters section and now realise you're probably looking for those of a similar faith to respond!

Well my motherinlaw prays 5x a day, so he saw that growing up and still does see it. She however just didn't make an effort in teaching her children. My husband is the youngest too and by then I think she was perhaps parented out, not sure...

My sisterinlaw is religious, she found islam through marriage and her children are lovely. My husband agrees that his nieces and nephews from his sister are such good children because of their islamic upbringing.

I think he sometimes feel very conflicted and I understand that is his personal struggle which inshallah Allah will help him with.

I am not trying to change him, I appreciate the efforts he does make, fasting, zakat etc. But I sometimes feel like I have to put in so much energy to make him understand why our children need good examples from a young age. I sometimes wonder who will take my son to Friday prayers or will that me my job too...

I think my question is how do I stop feeling so sad about it?

It is very important for a family to grow up with the dad/husband showing a good example.
Islam isn't just a religion but a way of life. Its I'm the way we eat, how we wash, how we treat others Etc.
Irrespective of his family being non religious he needs to shiw them islam and it starts from home

He needs to be teaching them Surahs and hadiths and sharing Islamic stories and these things can be taught by you also.

My husband works very hard so it's mainly me at home doing the teaching etc but my husband still makes time for the kids as well.

He needs to understand the importance of praying regularly as its actually the one thing Prophet Muhammed pbuh said is the difference between a Muslim and a non Muslim is his salah. And you too, can begin praying full time and also teaching the kids the importance of prayer.

I hope it gets easier for you, inshaAllah
Please keep PALESTINE in your duas.
Asalam alaikum sister, have a good day 😊

Still nice to have your perspective. Thank you.

I think this is actually an important thing to consider - does he actually want to be more practising and to raise your children together in a practising household?

If he doesn't want to take an active role in their religious education, then it might be that you'd need to take that on, including finding them positive male role models, eg through additional classes or activities or through time spent with other practising family members.

If he's praying regularly, giving to charity, and trying to be a good person, then I'd probably focus on positive reinforcement of those things as a starting point for your children. They're good basics to start with. If they've also got a practising mum and other family members, and good examples elsewhere, then insha'Allah they'll make good progress and potentially inspire your husband to develop his own practice too.

I think it's a tough situation to be in as during your marriage you have become more practicing and therefore are now feeling that you may no longer be compatible in certain aspects.
I agree with the positive re-enforcement and just really focusing on being a better person.
The rights of a Muslim is split between the rights of Allah and the rights of other people and society on us.
If you focus more on the rights of the people on us like friends, family and neighbours and bring into it the intention that we do it for Allah then I think everything else will also eventually fall into place.
Another thing you can do if he is happy is read one hadeeth a day. If your husband doesn't want to join in you can always do it with the children and maybe one day he also will too.

I would say he does want them to grow up in an islamic household but doesn't realise you have to lead by example because his dad spent most of his time in his home country while my husband was growing up.

I don't have a lot of family close by, his brother is pretty much the same, my sil perhaps similar to me but we barely spend any time together unless there is an event.

My daughter is very connected to our religion, she is very intrigued and curious and loves learning about it. I pray with her when I can, she has lots of books and we read them together from time to time. My husband will sometimes read the Islamic books with her too. I hope the rest of my children follow in her footsteps.

I think he just fails to connect. He has told me this in the past, I think the notion of religion can be quite hard to grasp by some and he grew up in a household where it was more tradition than a way of life.