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Financial disagreements in marriage

11 replies

Hididi11 · 10/06/2024 18:52

Quick overview
Husband and I have been married a year.
I have saved for a deposit for a house.
Husband on the other hand has zero savings and has bought a house that his parents live in. He pays their mortgage whilst we are renting.
This is turning into a huge stressful dilemma and feels like a hell of alot of financial pressure on me.
Advice on how to go about things.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 18:55

Financial issues are the leading cause of divorce, and it's very alarming that you and your husband are so far apart. Did you not discuss buying a home together before marriage? Are your finances joint? Why aren't his parents paying rent?

Hididi11 · 10/06/2024 19:00

Finances are not joint.
His parents have put their property on rent so they get income.
It's very hard ATM.

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 10/06/2024 19:00

a few questions first....are you legally married or did you just do nikah?
do you have DC?
is the house his parents are living in, in your DH's name?

tbh you need to have couples counselling/mediation by an Islamic scholar and/or therapist

just remember that any money that you earn or have inherited/saved islamically is yours and he has no claim on that.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 19:05

You need to think very long and very hard before you do anything further with this man. I have a feeling your husband doesn't see you as an equal partner, and you should be very concerned about losing all of your savings to him.

I think you know there are huge problems here.

Hididi11 · 10/06/2024 19:13

We have nikah only.
If we buy a house then it will be in my name only and he said he will pay me back for it over 5 years.

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 10/06/2024 19:30

As you aren't legally married I would have a conversation before you go further, find out where he is financially and crucially about the future.

Hididi11 · 10/06/2024 19:33

mitogoshi · 10/06/2024 19:30

As you aren't legally married I would have a conversation before you go further, find out where he is financially and crucially about the future.

But if it is only nikah and I buy the house and my name is on it and the mortgage etc...can he still claims rights to it at a later date?

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 10/06/2024 19:38

Hididi11 · 10/06/2024 19:33

But if it is only nikah and I buy the house and my name is on it and the mortgage etc...can he still claims rights to it at a later date?

it all depends how he "pays you back". I would reccommend speaking to a solicitor.

you could have him as a "lodger" with his money being transferred to you as "personal expense" contributions referred to prevent any claim. but you would have to clarify with a solicitor.

how are you managing your finances? really you should have a joint account that only he pays into and all household expenses should go from that. you should safeguard all your money separately.

but tbh if that is the approach you are having to take, is this really someone you want to be with? to have children with?

KennaThomas · 10/06/2024 22:21

Oh Sister.

This is a terrible situation to be in. Insha'Allah things get better for you.

My own instinctive reaction would be to leave this man and ran fast 🙈

When a man has the means to provide for his wife and is choosing not to by prioritizing parents who are able to look after themselves financially ( as in your case) that's major red flags for me. I've seen too many versions of this same story and the ending is mostly the same.

If you own the property and the papers are on your name only then legally he has no claim to your property but under exceptional circumstances he may be able to establish “an equitable interest" in the property by demonstrating he was contributing financially to it (like paying for bills, home renovations) etc., it happened to my aunty who was in a terrible marriage and even though the house was on her name and she paid for everything, but my uncle was the one who kept all the receipts (even for things like kettles/iron/tv, etc., and when paying for an extension on the house my aunty paid in cash and my uncle got the receipts made out in his name and when that relationship broke down he took her to court and was awarded a financial stake as he was able to prove he financially contributed to the house for decades as he claimed his understanding was that there was a mutual understanding and agreement based on trust that he had a stake in this house. My aunty also only had a Nikaah and not a civil wedding.

If he has no money now to buy this house with you, how on earth is the going to pay you back over 5 years while also paying a mortgage on the property his parents stay in? His intentions might be genuine but unless he's a very very high income earner this is not feasible whatsoever.

Who is going to pay for the bills? You, or him or both?

I think you both need to sit down together and have an open chat about finances. Like the other poster said, finances are a major contribution factor for relationships breakdowns. You need to be brutally honest about what you want from this marriage and whether he's able to meet your needs. If he doesn't respect your relationship now (in my opinion he doesn't as he's choosing to not provide you with a home when he has a home) then what makes us think he will in the future?

Please think long and hard before having kids with a man like this. I say this with a lot of love to you.

Out of curiosity what is your husband's ethnicity? I'm Pakistani and this issue is rampant within my community.

Stay strong Insha'Allah

Hididi11 · 20/06/2024 19:28

You guessed it... Pakistani
With parents who have kids with the understanding the eldest son was born just to finance them and the siblings etc.

Your advice was great and JazakAllah for sharing your story.

The bad parts of the culture are just so ridiculous 😭 😭

OP posts:
KennaThomas · 24/06/2024 12:15

I'm really sorry, it's a horrible situation for you to be in.
Lots of duahs for you.

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