Clueless non-musical mum of Dc wanting to learn instruments. HELP!

[musichelpplease]

I am totally non musical. DH briefly played in a brass band in primary school. We are not prepared for our DC to ask to learn instruments. I am not a pushy mum at all and just want them to enjoy what they do.

So far one has asked for flute lessons and the another one piano lessons. All okay as they offer these at school 121. The 3rd Dc aged 5 has now announced she'd like to try violin. So she'll try some lessons in the new year.

DC10 likes the idea of playing and being able to do something a bit special but Is making very slow progress due to laziness. We have only continued because clearly it does being her joy. She picks it up to play for us every now and again which is so nice to see/hear. I've now got fed and up and instituted mandatory daily practice which is helping her I think.

Dc 7, loves piano, is so enthusiastic and wants to challenge herself. She hero worships her teacher and loves to practice. Will do twice a daily and hates that I set a 15 min timer, she goes over regularly.

My question is really, well I don't know how to help them! At the moment:
~I sit with them and insist they practice.
~I arrange a time in the day for it.
~I set a timer for 15 mins.
~I generally show an interest and encourage them to practice the bits they find trickiest
~I YouTube search when I don't know what something should sound like and show the kids.

They also go to a music/drama club and play their instruments there too.

So what should I be doing/aiming to encourage them to do? Is daily 15 mins enough. What are the best techniques for practice?

When is a good time to start violin? Is 5 too young? Is violin something good to start with or is something like a cello an option? Looks more stable?

Are these instruments I've mentioned good ones to get into overall? I'm a bit worried they've just fallen into them and not explored other options.

I think I'm a bit anxious about being clueless! Any advice appreciated.

You are doing absolutely the right thing by paying for their lessons. Your children are very fortunate.

You could ask at school if there are any county ensembles they can join in. These are usually held on Saturdays at regional music centres. Sometimes you need to be a certain standard, others are open to all.

Good call re endangered instruments - my oboe was on an authority loan scheme so for the 8 years I played I didn’t actually own an oboe. Good music shops (and other forms) also offer instrument hire or rent to buy schemes which can be pretty reasonable.

Literally every child on the music thread started as a beginner! Very few are actually prodigies, they mostly just work hard ( or not!) The parents are very supportive and quick to answer questions and it's likely that someone will have had the same situation before. Between us, the DCs play most instruments across a wide area so someone can always help. No daft questions, promise! It's hard when they have lessons at school to have good communication but maybe a note would help. I have several friends who aren't musical at all but just by being engaged and supportive, their kids really love their instruments.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. As pp have said, 5 is quite young for violin, particularly without a musical parent. If she continues, you could ask the teacher for some basic things to look out for to help encourage her. It's a good instrument once she gets going though - lots of ensemble opportunities.

You sound like you're doing an absolutely fantastic job supporting all your young musicians and you've had some great suggestions on how to support their practice.

A couple from me (apologies of they've been mentioned before - only skim read the thread)

If at all possible, make it so they don't have to get the instrument out of the case and put it together before they can practice. It might be tricky in a house of four children but if your flautist can pick up the flute and just play it will help her immensely.

Musical humour might help. Have a look in your local music shop for musical novelties. It's old fashioned but I had a copy of Hoffnung's Musical Chairs when I was a kid which I absolutely adored because it was funny and I felt like I belonged because I got most of the jokes. It made me more motivated to understand eg where instruments sit in the orchestra so I could get more of the jokes. There are several volumes of Hoffnung cartoons if they like them. There's also a picture book called The Orchestra Gets Dressed which my kids liked.

Go to concerts as much as you can. Particularly fun ones. Read The Nutcracker this Christmas

Get them all involved in singing if you can find an opportunity. Church choirs are usually free to join if that is something you'd be okay with and you can make the time commitment.

Maybe buy them party dresses to perform in - would your flute player be encouraged to get her pieces up to performance standard if she can then dress up to play for grandma/next door neighbour?

Thank You everyone for these replies. I've gone from feeling out of my depth to really encouraged

@ReadyForPumpkins thank you, it's a good idea to set the pianist a task and then see if she can practice herself for small periods and then perform for me. Hopefully that'll build up some independent practising skills. I do sit with her for the first 15 mins (often more) and answer questions/make suggestions about what to play next etc

@HooverIsAlwaysBroken no interest whatsoever in scholarships, I'm stressed enough about the impending 11+ 🙈 I just want them to learn and grow and enjoy it.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew @PauliesWalnuts and @ReadyForPumpkins

Interesting about the tactical instrument choices. With there current choices they just asked for that instrument and I didn't think any further until now. With the endangered instruments I think DC10 would be quite interested in that as she's very curious and likes to try new things. Would she have to show aptitude in the flute first before trying those? And how do I find out about them?

@Comefromaway thank you. It's so lovely they've found something they enjoy and want to explore. The DC have been playing together at home/helping each other/making little performances together it's really special for me. I'm a bit soppy about it 🤦‍♀️

They do attend a Saturday centre atm which is where DC5 got her violin ideas from.

@deplorabelle I love all these suggestions, thank you! I'm going to suggest they put together a Xmas show for family and dress up! I might have to show DC5 how to play jingle bells on piano so she doesn't feel left out I'll get thinking!

They do sing a lot at the Saturday group, the eldest sounds quite nice and has had some solo performances at school and the Saturday group. I'm assuming the flute playing has helped her with that? Our local church isn't child friendly at all sadly

Regarding shortage musical instruments and changing musical instruments, I really wouldn't worry about proving herself on the flute. If she wants to switch and you're happy to support her, just do it. It may be she just needs to persevere or even that music is not ultimately going to be her thing, but it could be she's playing the wrong instrument. I think it was Julian Lloyd Webber who wrote about this in his autobiography. Coming from a musical family, he had piano lessons with a top teacher, and his parents did all the right things, but he just didn't get on with it, didn't enjoy it and didn't do particularly well at it. One day, he went to a concert and watched the cellists and said "I want to play THAT" and his parents wisely followed up. If they'd said no to cello because he wasn't getting on with piano, what would we have missed??

Sometimes music services offer taster days where you can have a try at different instruments. It's got tougher since covid but worth trying for all of your musicians - if they have time, they can always play more than one instrument 😀

My ds was like that. Tried violin in primary (because the whole class were given one for a year) appeared to have an aptitude for it but didn't want to continue it in secondary. Did a couple of years guitar and plodded along then suddenly asked for piano lessons.

Took to piano like a duck to water and is now studying at a conservatoire.

Weirdly, I wanted to learn the oboe because I went to Mass at a child where they had a small wind band to do the hymns, and I said I “wanted to play the thing that sounds like a duck”. Four years later I put my name down to learn an instrument at school and there were three kids and a flute, a clarinet and an oboe. I pounced on it! Not quite Lloyd Webber standard though - I just played because I liked it.

Re instrument choice - it might be worth looking at transferable skills between instruments - eg the oboe and flute have the same fingering I think? Totally different way to blow through - think pursed lips around a double reed versus almost like blowing across an open bottle, but so think they are in the same key, and I know my way around a flute keywork. I was the only oboist in my school so another two flautists (of which we had several) would also play the oboe parts or 2nd oboe, with me as 1st oboe, so that they got a chance to play in the group.

The poster who suggested singing made a really good point - it’s a great way to learn to read music, understand notations - eg poco a poco, fortissimo, and get the concept of octaves in your head. It’s also great fun and pretty social.

For the endangered instruments, we get letters forwarded by our school. Maybe try googling for your county music service and see if they have a website for it? I’m in Hampshire and they have send letters via the school for the last two years now.

This is what they are running this year hcyb.hmsensembles.org.uk/about-us/endangered-species/

All my kids played an instrument in primary school but only one carried on in secondary. Aside from nagging them to take the instrument in to school I didn't really do a lot to help them.

We had agreed that younger DS could give up his instrument when he moved to secondary school but a very canny teacher sent him to a workshop at the new school as part of the transition activities. While he was there he was taken under the wing of a couple of older boys who were friends of older DD. They boosted his confidence no end and they got him excited about continuing when he moved up.

He is someone however who is a natural performer and loved the opportunities to perform - as part of a group of solo - and that motivated him.

Thank you, I've found our local one - oboe, bassoon, double bass, orchestral percussion.

I mentioned trying another instrument, in case that was the problem with the lack of progression with flute. I did mention oboe too but she was emphatic she really wanted to play the flute and seemed really happy about that.

Once we get 11+ out of the way I might suggest again she tries one of these

See if the violin teacher also teaches beginner viola - they are always short of viola players so if she started on that instead it would be a guarantee for getting orchestral experience. DD2 is a very lazy musician so swapped from violin to viola at Grade 6 standard and very quickly found herself front desk not back and with a 6th form music scholarship she'd never have had as a violinist.

Younger the better.
15 minutes and hassle normal from age 7--12.
Gets easier!