Should I buy a piano for my lazy dd

[pinkyslinky]

Ok probably get flamed for this but my dd has been learning the piano for 3 years. She's actually playing now and her teacher has said our digital piano isn't good enough she needs an acoustic one to progress further.

I am looking to buy one but getting a bit resentful. Each week I have to drag dd to the piano. If she is performing in something she's fine she will practice but week on week she doesn't bother unless I tell her to and with coronavirus there isn't much performing going on so it's gotten worse.

She is so utterly lazy at absolutely everything not just the piano, it really annoys me. I don't want her to give up the piano but I think I may just have to give up on telling her to practice and cancel lessons rather than buy a piano that eventually won't get used. Another problem we have is she will only play what she wants to play. If the teacher gives her anything she decides she doesn't want to learn, she ignores it.

Has anyone had any experience of this and perhaps their dc actually started to play later on? I am getting a bit despondent with it all. My dd has a passion for absolutely nothing except the TV and it makes me sad but starting to think there's not much I can do about it.

It helps on school application to be a pianist though so worth pushing if you want that selective schools/scholarships route. Mine just is the same, like pulling teeth getting her just to do homework.

Don’t bother and if she wants to stop learning the piano let her stop. Life is too short it really is.

Don't bother. She's not interested.

Does she like learning the piano and want to progress? If she is keen to have the acoustic piano I would make it a condition that she practices without nagging for a month before you buy it.

My son is a genuinely keen musician but I still remind him to practice because there are a lot of distractions in life. But he appreciates the reminders. If your daughter is keen I think it’s worth a little light nagging for the future benefits to her. But if it’s a source of misery for everyone, let her give up.

Check your local gumtree. You cannot sell an acoustic these days for love nor money so you should be able to pick one up for peanuts. If she practices, then you can think about spending heard earned cash on a newer one.

How old is she?

I bought a piano for my boys, it's was an upgrade from the digital and cost 5k. They practice every day with no pestering. Sometimes I have to drag my eldest off it. No way would I have bought it if they weren't bothered!

Currently I just lump the practice in alongside things like maths homework every evening and now she's can actually play nicely but only because I'm there standing over it all.

I suppose the biggest issue is should I let her give up now she's already playing. She says she doesn't want to give up but the minute I'm not there all piano practice ceases.
What's making it a difficult decision is that I wonder if she continues will she continue as she gets older and by me saying give up she may regret this. She's 9 now. Piano teacher says she's playing well and she does well in her music festivals and her exams and I do want her to be able to use this when applying for secondary schools too.

Teacher said that we must get a nice piano and specified particular models so I don't think we'll get away with Penny piano purchase on gumtree unfortunately.
It's all quite tedious. I wish dd would just do anything other than pine for the TV or youtube.
@lunar1 I wish I had that. Perhaps I am sending dd down the wrong path for her then.

The piano teacher sounds very particular & demanding!

On the practice issue, I’ve swapped our dd’s practice time to in the morning before school rather than after school when she is tired. There have been far fewer disagreements and she’s doing the practice more regularly and in better spirits. Can you find 15 minutes in the morning to see if swapping times help?

I'm surprised at the teacher's comments to be honest - we have a digital piano now (it cost £800 new, so not an expensive one given what they can cost). It's the same model that a friend used to get a piano diploma (beyond grade 8). I learned on a less than lovely acoustic one, but never did my teacher suggest we upgrade, though I suspect I got further than the level your DD plays at now.

Teacher said could probably survive on the digital one if dd had access elsewhere to an acoustic piano but due to Covid she is not picking up good habits on our digital one and the pedalling isn't as good as it should be. I don't know. He's said it's not so much she can't pass an exam as she's not getting 'proper' piano experience so will affect her when she goes back on real ones for performing after Covid.

We do practice in the mornings as well but we do scales in mornings and everything else after school along with other homework. Scales are done by dd alone but that's about it. Everything else is me nagging or sitting in the same room until it's done.

My 12 year old has a music scholarship in a quite selective independent school. She now absolutely loves music, plays 2 instruments and sings. When she was younger there were definitely times I had to pester her to practise! She needed the motivation of an exam or performance too. Now she does it entirely of her own accord and homework too and relaxes by playing as well. I have a 9 year old son too who plays 3 instruments, he does practise all 3 most days, but often what he wants to rather than focussing on hard bits etc. My inclination was always to mix and match the supervision side of practice. I have friends who pushed their kids quite hard very early who are teens- some are amazing now, others have given up. I think when they are young the parent has to encourage but once they reach 12/13 it is up to them if they want to do well and focus. So I would say keep going for now but make it clear by year 8 latest that it is up to DD. Quite often 10-15 minutes every day is better than 50 minutes once a week.

Are you doing it for an end goal like improving chances of a scholarship? If so you need to keep pushing and get it. If you just would like her to have a hobby then i really wouldn't bother. My non negotiable with my dc was swimming and school work but apart from that i let them choose to try and to quit any other hobby if they gave it a good try and they are quitting for the right reasons like genuinely not enjoying it.
If shes into tv and youtube have you tried drama, script play writing, creative writing, coding, photography, short films, animation?

Thanks. @LemonBar the end goal was supposed to be either music scholarship or at least the fact she plays two instruments at a good standard help her get in regardless of a scholarship in more competitive schools. It's good to hear from someone else who stuck something in the agenda regardless

Shes doing her grade 5 now but some other dc are better than her already anyway so who knows if she even has a chance. I partly feel like I should keep on at her until secondary school and then it's up to her. Maybe worst case I suppose I could sell the piano if its getting dusty.

@pinkyslinky - Grade 5 Distinction tends to be enough. What is the second instrument? It helps to have a rarer instrument or at least something sought after in the orchestra.

My DD was offered music scholarship in every school we applied to. It isn't about what grades they are on but are they genuinely into music and committed to it and can the teachers/music department work with them. It is what they call "potential". There is also a music statement in some schools where the kids list all their musical activities, both in and out of school. One of my DD's friends is a music scholar and constantly on youtube listening to performances of other musicians, so that has to count for something? (you didn't say what your DD does on youtube)

Moreover, scholarships are often at the discretion of the head.... so a very academic child that they really want might end up with a music and art scholarship too to attract them. Again, all dependent on how the discounts etc work as well. The final call can be with the head - so the head of music puts eg. 10 names forward and the head picks e.g. 3, for whatever reason (and it isn't always clear).

@NobleElephantheThird thank you that is so helpful. Yes second instrument is a lot more obscure than the piano and hopefully will be what we need on top of what she's doing on the piano.

Does she actually want to get into a selective school? Is she naturally musical and did she express an interest in playing the piano and the other instrument herself, or was it something you chose for her?

It sounds like she just isn't that interested tbh. When I was that age I remember my mum (unsuccessfully) trying to get me to play the piano and learn French. I felt an instinctive resistance to any activity she tried to get me to do. I'd have hated to have had her standing over me while I practiced and would have outright refused if she's been that insistent.
Your DD sounds more compliant but the laziness/TV/YouTube watching is probably her way of passive resistance.

The teacher is not only saying you must buy an acoustic, but is being specific about that? I think that is excessive.

My teacher was a bit funny about me having a digital and kept saying how it was evident at my lessons on his acoustic that it was affecting my touch as I was often playing chords but not sounding all the notes. I injured my foot and couldn’t travel so he came to my house to teach. He admitted he was shocked how good it was. He also realised I had the same problem with chord playing. Yep, truth of the matter is I’m a just a bit rubbish at playing, it wasn’t the instrument .

Should be able to get a second hand piano for free or thereabouts on Facebook marketplace

You shouldn't have to force a child to play a musical instrument. She will just give up as soon as she's able i.e. when she turns 18, and she will resent that she wasted so much of her time on it if she didn't enjoy it.

Certainly don't buy her a piano if she's not interested.

You cannot force an interest. Many people get through life without being able to play the piano.

At 9 she needed telling you practice. Absolutely. But she didn't want to quit, she didn't want to stop doing exams or festivals (well festivals was a bit of a tricky one as she got really nervous, but did very well - so she accepted they were a good idea).

We had an acoustic piano, but her piano teacher said she needed, & was worthy of, a much better one. We bought a good one from our piano tuner, well known locally. It was £6500 & we gave our existing one to a young girl who needed one. Piano guy moved it for free.

She's 15 now & still very goid,doesn't practice as much as she should, but she pulls it out of the bag.

I'm still a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️She enjoys her (currently zoom) lessons, no exams, no festivals this year & still avoids practising - but she doesn't want to give it up?!

But at 9, she needed to be made to practice, I did that more because I felt I owed it to her (incredibly lovely) piano teacher!

If she had wanted to quit, she could have, at any time. Although she may have been less than popular had she done it straight after buying the new piano!!

Thought I'd update. I bought the piano. And dd has not stopped playing it. So I can recommend a new piano to help all lazy dc actually get on with their practise