So I need to leave my marriage

[TimeToLeaveHere]

H will be furious.
I’ve contacted Refuge, although my disability means that it won’t be safe for me to be in a Refuge, for them.
There’s no way they could take me in not because I need access for my wheelchair, for other additional reasons.

Eventually I will come away with enough money to buy a small home in a cheap area. I know that makes me very lucky but it is all the money I will ever have.
For the rest of my life I will be living on full PIP. Which I already get.

Reading this I know it would be easy to be envious, I am nearly 50 and this is my life now.
The sad fact is that H has not been able to adapt to my disability and he has not reacted well.

I am here with H now, I know how it will look eventually when we are divorced.
The problem is the time in between. I have nowhere to go and I don’t know how to get from A to B or C I suppose.

I’m unsure what I am asking for, other than moral support and any advice you can give me, or ideas of charities that could help.

@ValleyClouds I’m not meaning to be stupid, I have only been disabled for 2/3 years. This is all new to me and it is difficult for me to contact anyone without being monitored.
How would I go about finding an advocate?

I’ve thought about contacting the Police @RandomMess there are two problems.
Firstly, H would not pay the mortgage and utilities and I cannot afford this house on my own.

The other concern is that my brother is in our local Police force, we don’t speak, we had a falling out 20 years ago.
He is alarmingly right wing. I hate to think what he is like at work.
Outside of work my brother is a racist and misogynist.
I spoke to my parents about it years ago, they were angry at me, downplayed his behaviour and warned me not to say anything to anyone because I could affect his career.
Now they rarely speak to me.

I wasn’t planning to approach to report him to his superiors.
How would I even do that?
Besides, I think the majority of his colleagues hold the same political views.

If I agitated my brother he would make life difficult. H would be stopped when driving, the Police would start making visits and make life even more difficult.
So yes, the local Police force are out of bounds for me.

It probably reads as though my life is chaos, I am older and all of this has happened over decades.
I’m distilling the worst headlines of my life into a handful of sentences.

Glad to see things moving in the right direction OP, frustrating that it all takes time to sort out but hopefully social worker and GP will help you. In the meantime, how are things at home? If you ever feel in immediate physical danger, don't hesitate to call 999, they can remove him from the property and advise you on a non-molestation order.

You need to call the police. They can take him away and make all the necessary safeguarding arrangements.

@DisplayPurposesOnly please don’t feel sad for me, I’m still alive and kicking.
After the initial long hospital stay a handful of years ago it slowly occurred to me that I couldn’t work anymore, or drive. Even holidays were out because of the cost of insurance for me.
So I was really down for around a year, I am past that now, past feeling sorry for myself which is ungrateful of me, I still have much to be thankful for.

Over the past 18 months I am getting stronger in every way.
My disability is unpredictable but I am better at managing it.
Sometimes it is difficult to be positive, I remind myself that nothing is insurmountable.

I know I can do this. Even with a disability life can be so much better than this.
I’ve always had grit, I am determined.
Thank you. You, a stranger on the internet, gave me a compliment and it made me smile.

@TimeToLeaveHere

So this is an example of a disability advocacy organisation in Dewsbury.

I would search for Disability Advocacy plus the name of your county!

https://cloverleaf-advocacy.co.uk/

Got it. Thanks @ValleyClouds I had Googled advocacy before, I searched something like disability + advocacy + [my type of disability].
Not by area as we are rural and there isn’t much around. I’ll try including the area.

I’m not clear why reporting your H to the police for abuse would then get your brother involved unless he works in your local DV unit (may not be called that).

If he was barred from the house and didn’t pay the mortgage then ultimately it would be repossessed which would impact you both. Would you not be pushing to get it sold?

You would speak with mortgage provider for options. Your benefits may increase etc. You could ask for social tariffs for your utilities, council tax may be nil-75%?

Are there any savings in joint accounts? Perhaps you need to speak with the bank(s) that you are ensuring financial abuse and research what this means for those holding a mortgage etc.